Cut off Mr. Alias, he's just a con artist

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I've been seeing a man for eight months. I just found out he gave me a fake last name! We're both in our 40s and he's sharing a large house in the suburbs with a friend, while he's visiting Canada. He introduced himself to me as Bob "*****" and that is how I have been introducing him to family and friends. I invited him for drinks with some co-workers yesterday and a woman said, "This is who you've been dating?" She told me his real last name, and that he's done this to women before. I was humiliated, and immediately asked him to leave. He has left text messages, emails, calls and laughs it off saying "all his buddies" do this. They all knew he has been tricking me. It's not likely you'd ask to see someone's driver's licence or look through their mail. I'm a very honest person and can't see going forward at all, no matter what his immature excuse. How could someone do this to another human being, when we've been a couple for eight months? I don't know who to trust anymore and feel like a fool. He came up with an elaborate story of his English ancestry when his real name is clearly German ancestry. My co-workers have been supportive, but I feel totally played. -- Tricked for Eight Months, Winnipeg

Dear Tricked: This guy's a con artist, and you don't know yet to what level. His friends here are well-chosen -- dishonest jerks who laugh at fooling innocent woman. He doesn't feel remorse, and laughs. Big red flag! Besides the lack of conscience, there's also a dangerous anger towards women. He comes back after you, not because he loves you, but for the challenge of winning you back -- what a coup that would be -- double-duping. Don't listen to another word. Cut him off all social media and block his phone calls. There's no explanation that'd warrant your softening. Next time you meet somebody, feel free to check him out before you get involved. This is a small city, so date locals who'll be known by other people. Anybody who's visiting in Canada with a friend for eight months, isn't working. He may be running from a wife and family or problems with the law. Living with a friend means he doesn't have his own address, phone or bills, providing him invisibility. Think about it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I've been seeing my new boyfriend who is 16 years my senior, for just over three weeks. Recently one of his uncles died. I told him I was sorry, and asked if there was anything I could do for him. He told me no, that he'll be alright. Well, last night we had a date and he cancelled on me, and didn't even call to tell me he wasn't going to be there. I was a little annoyed, but didn't think much of it. I called him and asked what was up. Apparently I'm rude and inconsiderate for not offering to go to uncle's funeral, and I should have offered to help plan it. He started to yell at me over the phone while I was at work, and I just started crying. Then he showed up at my work and told me to smile. I'm confused as to what I did wrong here. We're still a new relationship and I haven't met any of his family, so I thought I'd stay out of it until I was asked, as funerals are sometimes a sacred event for the family. What do you think? -- Dazed and Confused.

Dear Confused: Why are you asking what you did wrong? You should be running in the opposite direction. This guy stood you up, then berated you for not offering to attend his uncle's funeral and help arrange it? Totally bogus -- he was acting on "the best defence is a good offence" advice so popular with scoundrels. And you're getting all this nonsense, after only a couple of weeks of dating? Why is this not bizarre to you? This man is a controller, yells at you and shows up at your work -- no boundaries at all. Back off him fast, and don't apologize. Get some help from a counsellor to get wiser and tougher. Just because someone yells at you doesn't mean you're at fault. Later, you can look for a man friend who's your age, grounded, kind, keeps his word and doesn't impede on your space.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition September 12, 2012 D5