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Put the blame where it belongs

By: Miss Lonelyhearts

5/02/2010 1:00 AM | Comments: 14

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm so angry right now I had to move home to Winnipeg to get away from the violent feelings I was having. This black-haired woman, who was much more beautiful and intelligent than I, went after my new husband aggressively, got him involved with her, broke up our marriage before it was two-years old, and then dropped him like a fly. When I asked her why she steals men away, only to drop them, she said, "Because I can." Then she turned on her heel and walked away. I packed up the next week and left because I wanted to do violence to her. Why are some women so cold-hearted and cruel towards other women? Did she not think of what she did to me? -- Livid, St. Vital

 

 

 

Dear Livid: Nope, she didn't think of you. She was on the hunt, and you were nobody to her but the pesky wife in the background, or a vague kind of challenge. She may have been surprised to see you were a flesh-and-blood emotional person asking her questions (of all the nerve!). There's no point in going after her with a baseball bat, because she wouldn't "get it" anyway, and you'd end up doing time in jail over someone you can't stand. Now let's talk about where the majority of the responsibility belongs -- with your errant ex-husband. Do you think she forced him? Not likely. He chose to say yes. He made himself available for an affair when she beckoned. She may have started it, but he could have said, "No thanks. I'm married to someone I love." He chose not to honour his promise to you. Put the blame where it belongs and you'll start seeing straighter and regain your lost equilibrium.

 

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

 

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 5, 2010 D5

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14 Commentscomment icon

I think she did it to hurt your husband, not you. Afterall why would she want to stay with a married man. Who would want to be with a man who cheats on his wife anyway?

To me she seems insecure and grabbing unavailable men may boost her selfesteme. I think shes the type of person that misery follows and infects everyone around her.

If it makes you feel any better whatsoever, she is probably a very unhappy miserable person. Also on the bright side at least you didnt invest more than 2 years on that cheat of a husband.

I agree with you wholeheartedly, EoE.....I am fortunate that my husband is not interested in skanky, trashy women....there are still some good ones out there....they are just a bit harder to find!

There has always been people out there who make it their objective to break up relationships and then leave. It's a power trip they are on and they are sick. There outta be a law. It's not likely the first people's lives she has ruined and will not be the last. There should be some sort of retribution for this foul deed.

Livid: "she dropped him like a fly"...serves him right, and hope he is now suffering twice as much as you are!!
And, yes, kick boxing!! You will meet a lot of great people, besides getting rid of your anger, and getting "in shape", required or not.

Livid: Although you don’t feel it right now, consider yourself lucky that your husband showed his true colors now - not 20 years and 3 kids later. You describe the other woman as more intelligent than you, but I disagree. If she were intelligent, she would ask herself why she feels the need to go after what clearly isn’t hers. I think this other woman is insecure. A secure, intelligent woman with self-confidence would never do this – she deserves and demands a man who is only hers – why would she settle for anything less. A secure and intelligent woman knows that she may have her choice of many men, but why give it away to anyone who isn’t 100% committed to only her – anyone else is undeserving. The other woman’s not better than you, she’s pitiful.

I think I should add some input that a comment from yesterday's column prompted me to ponder. It is entirely possible for total strangers to care - just look at the comments so far, today. We are strangers to the woman who wrote to Miss L and yet we are giving her support and showing that we care about her. From my own personal experience, I can tell you that it is entirely possible for a complete stranger to care and provide support and guidance through the ether. So, anybody who does not believe that strangers can care is missing out on some true compassion and support. I feel sorry for anybody who refuses to accept that people can be decent and compassionate.

livid - how pathetic is it that someone like her must "hunt" for men and drop them the second they give in to her? It's sad. You really should just feel sorry for her, not angry. She's obviously got some serious issues that have not been dealt with. Hun you have nothing to worry about, if you do ever try to reconcile with your husband, why don't you consider both moving to the city away from that tramp? If not, then I wish you the best of luck, and know that you will find the love of your life just around the corner!

Livid: Women like that normally have had something so bad happen to them that they never get over and want to make as many people crumble as possible. Just be happy that in the end she showed you the hidden side of the man in question. He himself is a creep because no matter what this women did she didn't know you. He knew your laugh, your kindness, all of your emotions and he decided to hurt you. Looks are only skin deep and if that is all this woman has to live off of then she is going to have a short and lonely life. You on the other hand have been saved from a troll in a prince costume. Go join kick boxing or marshall arts, meet new people and don't look back. ONe day this woman will make the wrong move and all of her past actions will catch up with her.

5by5, Debadoo: Do you ever wonder why a woman who can snag a married or taken man can't find one of her own? As a man (and this is my own opinion and I am not speaking for every single man in the universe), I can tell you that skanks who are on the make hold no attraction for me. Women like these skanks eventually lose their appeal and the tables turn on them. I worked in a bar while in university and I saw plenty of this type of woman - once she hits her mid-30s, the looks start to go and then it is SHE who becomes desperate and it is SHE who becomes the one used by men. So, take heart - these skanks always get the tables turned on them. I've seen it many times. As for the men whom she is able to steal from their wives - they aren't worth a drop of sweat from your...well, you fill in that blank any way you wish. A minority may think we baby boomers are a blight on society and a couple of people may think I'm out of touch but, as far as I am concerned, being loyal to one's wife never and I mean NEVER goes out of style.

I agree completely with all of the Advice so far!

And hun , you are better and deserve better than someone who isn't going to respect you ! Take care of yourself and do what you need to do to make yourself happy again. And whatever you do ...don't take him back ...It is not worth a repeat offense!

You are special and you will get all the good that is surely coming to you :)

As for the two offenders...don't ya worry Karma will take care of them .

Stay positive and strong , I know you can do it !!

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