DEAR RHONA: I am in my 40s, and worried that I am destined to become a cranky old man. I get in a bad mood more often as the years go by, and it rubs off on my kids and wife.
There are a couple of factors here: My dad and granddad were both like this and I have arthritis. I don't want to become a crabby old man that nobody wants to be around, like my grandfather was. My anger isn't outwardly aggressive¬ -- I don't yell at people or bang on the walls. I am hoping that if I can learn to deal with this, I will still have time to set a good example around dealing with negative emotions, before my kids leave the nest. -- Headed For Trouble
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Dear HFT: You aren't yet set in cement, so there's still hope. You are self-aware and motivated to change. Although you aren't likely to ever trade all your grumps for grins, you can still learn to program your emotional GPS to detour around Crabbyville. There are tricks to give you an extra beat before opening your mouth (count to 20, deep breathing) and you can use preplanned dialogue or humour to get out of potential trouble ("Let me think about it," "Oh no, here comes my grouchy old man response"). But the more important issue is to go back and take a look at your family history. Anger is a way to sidetrack sadness and the men in your family have a pattern that you learned. Consider counselling for support. Check in with your doc to be sure your arthritis pain is well controlled and that you aren't the third depressed generation in your family. Tell your kids and wife that you are working on a new way. They'll understand if you slide as long as they know you are trying.
www.rhona.com
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