Dear Rhona: My brother-in-law is dating a new woman and he is very happy. I am not. I find her overly chatty and too perky. He seems to like this part of her personality. I find it annoying and invasive. I know you'll say, it's not your relationship, so stop complaining, but it's not that easy. We spend a lot of time together as my husband and his older brother are close buddies.¬ I wish I liked her because they are obviously serious. Is it OK if I politely decline invitations most of the time? Am I obliged to befriend my possible future sister-in-law? -- Help
Dear Help: After the age of four you are free to make friends of your own choosing without your mommy's permission ¬ -- so no, you are not compelled to spring into best-buddy mode. You may however, find that ramping up a bit of hospitality works best in the long run.¬ Thanksgiving dinners and family gatherings will be more pleasant if you have some connection. You may choose to be straightforward: "Thanks for the invite but I'm not a fan of the opera or rock-climbing." Or you can try the vague post-dated promise: "As soon as my life gets organized and I finish my novel I'd love to join your poker night." In the interim, cross your fingers that this love affair will run its course before you run out of smiles.
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