TV's long, not-so-hot, rerun-and-reality-filled summer is almost over
It has been, for TV-philes uninspired by and unconcerned with Beijing medal counts and Olympic competition and Phelpsian feats of superhuman acquatic acumen, a long, dry, reality-TV-addled summer stretch.
Simply put, if you weren't interested in what happened on the track, in the pool, on the uneven bars or the cycling circuit, there hasn't been a whole heck of a lot to watch on the tube since last May's long-ago season finales. For the non-jock-inclined, the itch for new programming has become darned near unbearable.
Sure, there have been a few intriguing summertime diversions, like the ongoing brilliance of AMC's Mad Men or the moderate success of CTV's border-crossing cop drama Flashpoint, and the talent-rich So You Think You Can Dance or the always-audience-friendly Canadian Idol campaign. But mostly, it's been an off-season stuffed with the likes of the threadbare Big Brother and clumsily adapted Wipeout and I Survived a Japanese Game Show and the inexplicably exhumed The Mole.
By any couchbound measure, scarcely even a bronze-medal winner among them.
Fear not, TV fans. The wait is almost over. The return of your favourite shows is just around the corner. And here, with a few storyline-refreshing tips and perhaps a gentle new-season spoiler or two, is a quick week-by-week glimpse at what to expect from TV's returning shows when prime time finally goes big time after a long, not-always-so-hot summer (we'll examine fall's new shows during our TV Preview Week, beginning Sept. 13):
Aug. 31 - Sept. 6:
Prison Break (Sept. 1, Fox/Global) -- Linc's feeling fatherly as Season 3 begins; Michael has revenge on his mind.
Gossip Girl (Sept. 1, CW) -- After that nasty entanglement with Serena's evil ex-pal, Dan tries to figure out who his real friends are.
One Tree Hill (Sept. 1, CW/Joytv) -- The small-town kids aren't kids anymore -- a Vegas wedding plan provides the proof.
Bones (Sept. 3, Fox/Global) -- The new season starts with an across-the-pond double-header.
America's Next Top Model (Sept. 3, CW) -- More Tyra, more tirades.
Sept. 7 - 13:
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (Sept. 8, Fox) -- A new, even more deadly Terminator arrives from the future to hunt Sarah and John.
'Til Death (Sept. 10, Fox) -- Jeff and Steph, not so newlywed anymore, begin to understand Eddie and Joy.
Kitchen Nightmares (Sept. 11, Fox) -- Chef Ramsay takes his search for disgusting kitchens international.
Sept. 14 - 20:
House (Sept. 16, Fox/Global) -- In the wake of a tragedy, House and Wilson must try to mend a shattered friendship.
Survivor: Gabon (Sept. 18, CBS/Global) -- According to host Jeff Probst, some serious wild-animal problems for this season's campers.
Supernatural (Sept. 18, CW/Joytv) -- Sam must find a way to rescue Dean from a (literally) hellish prison.
Sept. 21 - 27:
Dancing with the Stars (Sept. 22, ABC/CTV) -- New cast will be announced Monday.
Boston Legal (Sept. 22, ABC) -- Denny and Alan's friendship is tested during the half-season stretch run to the series finale.
Heroes (Sept. 22, NBC/Global) -- An even darker season awaits, with the storyline emphasis shifting to villainy.
The Big Bang Theory (Sept. 22, CBS) -- Sara Gilbert returns as Leonard's ex, complicating his quest for Penny's affection.
How I Met Your Mother (Sept. 22, CBS) -- Is new arrival Sarah Chalke the "mother" narrator Ted keeps talking about?
Two and a Half Men (Sept. 22, CBS) -- C'mon, the kid's grown up -- it's Two and Three-Quarters Men, at least.
CSI: Miami (Sept. 22, CBS/CTV) -- Is it possible that Horatio didn't survive that season-ending shooting? Uh, no.
Law & Order: SVU (Sept. 23, NBC/CTV) -- It was one season and out for Adam Beach, so the focus shifts back to Benson and Stabler.
NCIS (Sept. 23, CBS) -- For Gibbs, a new team, a new boss, and a new start.
Without a Trace (Sept. 21, CTV/Sept. 23, CBS) -- Steven Weber joins the cast, taking command of the team after Jack's demotion.
Lipstick Jungle (Sept. 24, NBC/Citytv) -- More misbehaviour by high-powered woman, with a guest turn by Mary Tyler Moore as Wendy's mother.
The New Adventures of Old Christine (Sept. 24, CBS) -- A wedding, perhaps? A gay wedding, perchance? Rumours abound.
Criminal Minds (Sept. 24, CBS) -- Joe Mantegna settles in for a full season; we find out which team member was in the car when the bomb went off.
CSI: NY (Sept. 24, CBS) -- Mac seeks justice -- and perhaps a bit of revenge -- after last season's cliffhanger kidnapping.
Ugly Betty (Sept. 25, ABC/Citytv) -- Expect significant cast changes and storyline shifts after series production relocated to New York.
Grey's Anatomy (Sept. 25, ABC/CTV) -- Meredith and McDreamy, together forever at last? As if.
My Name Is Earl (Sept. 25, NBC) -- Recently married and newly divorced, Earl refocuses on his list.
The Office (Sept. 25, NBC/Global) -- He was soooo close in the season finale; will Jim finally pop the question to Pam?
ER (Sept. 25, NBC/CTV) -- Look for a parade of guest stars (including Noah Wyle) as County General prepares to close its ER for good.
Sept. 28 - Oct. 4:
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (Sept. 28, ABC) -- More demolitions. More construction miracles. More big reveals. More big hugs and tears.
Desperate Housewives (Sept. 28, ABC/CTV) -- After a season-ending five-year leap into the future, expect a lot of weird Wisterian time shifting
Brothers & Sisters (Sept. 28, ABC/Global) -- The search continues for the identity of the mysterious Walker half-sibling (now that we know it isn't Rebecca).
The Amazing Race (Sept. 28, CBS/CTV) -- New cast includes an ex-NFLer and his estranged former-cheerleader spouse.
Cold Case (Sept. 28, CBS/CTV) -- Lilly must regroup after the double shock of being shot and learning the truth about her mother.
The Unit (Sept. 28, CBS) -- Loyalties are tested as the members of the disbanded team go it alone.
The Simpsons (Sept. 28, Fox/Global) -- Matt Damon leads the new-season guest list.
King of the Hill (Sept. 28, Fox/Global) -- Down-home family values and propane, just like always.
Family Guy (Sept. 28, Fox/Global) -- The non-stop barrage of rapid-fire jokes continues to amuse and offend.
American Dad (Sept. 28, Fox) -- Stan struggles to rehabilitate his spy-guy image.
Dragons' Den (Sept. 29, CBC) -- Bigger gambles, bolder pitches and a new dragon with money to burn.
The Border (Sept. 29, CBC) -- Border security's still the focus, but new episode will spend more at-home with Kessler and his crew.
Chuck (Sept. 29, NBC/Citytv) -- The line between professional and personal continues to blur for Chuck and Sarah.
Life (Sept. 29, NBC) -- Charlie moves closer to unravelling the conspiracy that put him behind bars; a new captain (Donal Logue) complicates matters.
The Rick Mercer Report (Sept. 30, CBC) -- With election fever headed for a fall-season boilover, expect Mercer's rant to be even more on target than usual.
The Tudors (Sept. 30, CBC) -- A second season of royal intrigue and head-lopping loves gone wrong; Peter O'Toole joins the cast as Pope Paul III.
Little Mosque on the Prairie (Oct. 1, CBC) -- Romance takes centre stage, as Yasir and Sarah ponder their daughter's marriage and Baber dips his toe into the dating pool.
Sophie (Oct. 1, CBC) -- The star-crossed single mom tries to maintain her balance while dealing with her feelings for little Robbie's recently arrived father.
Pushing Daisies, (Oct. 1, ABC) -- Is TV's most improbable romance on the rocks after Chuck's admission about his role in Lily's dad's death?
Private Practice, (Oct. 1, ABC) -- A greater emphasis on medical drama as the struggling Grey's spinoff tries to attract a following.
Dirty Sexy Money (Oct. 1, ABC) -- While Nick continues to struggle with his ethical compromise, a new lawyer (Lucy Liu) arrives to complicate matters.
Ghost Whisperer (Oct. 3, CBS/CTV) -- Another psychic (Jamie Kennedy) appears on the scene.
NUMB3RS (Oct. 3, CBS/Global) -- Don's work becomes more difficult now that Charlie's lost his FBI clearance.
Everybody Hates Chris (Oct. 3, CW/Citytv) -- Think life was tough in junior high? There's a whole other level of hatin' in high school.
Oct. 5 - 11:
Heartland (Oct. 5, CBC) -- A new face brings new romantic complications to the Flemings' life on Heartland ranch.
Corner Gas (Oct. 6, CTV) -- Brent and the Dog River gang return for a sixth and final season.
Samantha Who? (Oct. 6, ABC) -- Sam and Todd try to find their romantic footing; production schedule could be disrupted by star Christina Applegate's breast-cancer surgery.
C.S.I.: Crime Scene Investigation (Oct. 9, CBS/CTV) -- Laurence Fishburne signs on, prepping to replace about-to-depart star William Peterson.
Oct. 12 - 18:
Eli Stone (Oct. 14, ABC) -- Now that he knows God actually does look just like George Michael, will his approach to life change?
Oct. 26 - Nov. 1:
The Guard (Oct. 29, Global) -- More watery rescues on Canada's West Coast.
30 Rock (Oct. 30, NBC/Citytv) -- Jack ponders life at Homeland Security; Liz muses about motherhood.
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