Local

Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

After this, I may need to sit down for a spell

By: Doug Speirs

Posted: 02/13/2012 1:00 AM | Comments: 0 (including replies)

You know how in almost every cheesy western movie there's a scene wherein a grizzled old gunfighter or sheriff is forced into a showdown at high noon with some brash, pimply-faced youngster toting pearl-handled six-shooters?

Then, as the old cowpoke is lying in the dust and blood in front of the saloon with a bullet in his innards, he looks up at the youngster and, with his dying breath, croaks: "Ya got me, kid!"

Related Items

Articles
- Schools ensure Valentine's love for all

Well, that's exactly how it felt early Friday morning when I was gunned down in cold blood by a lightning-fast 14-year-old in a no-holds-barred spelling shootout on CBC Radio's morning show, hosted by my friends Terry MacLeod and Marcy Markusa.

The general idea was that I, a newspaper columnist, would put my professional spelling skills on the line against a teenage wordslinger to promote the eighth annual Winnipeg Free Press Regional Spelling Bee, which was held Saturday.

(For the record, on Saturday, Eric Lin, a 13-year-old genius from Brandon, nailed the words "indubitable" and "neonatology" to beat out 49 other competitors and earn the right to represent Manitoba at the Canspell national finals in Toronto next month.)

I was feeling confident when I showed up at the CBC studios Friday, despite the fact our spell-off was being held at 7:15 a.m., which, in my professional opinion, is way too early for anyone to be spelling anything.

My confidence was based on the fact I am a seasoned newspaper guy. When newspaper guys are kids, instead of footballs, we wander around with dictionaries tucked under our arms and brag about our in-depth knowledge of the semi-colon.

I had prepared for the big contest by catching a killer cold and staying out late the night before at a guys-only pre-Valentine's event at a local Italian restaurant that involved large amounts of pasta and professional lingerie models.

It was clear, however, my competitor, 14-year-old St. John's-Ravenscourt School student Michael Pang, who was the runner-up in last year's Free Press provincial spelling bee, was ready to rumble. You could tell at a glance this kid was the Wayne Gretzky of spelling.

Michael assured me he hadn't spent too much time practising because, at 14, he's too old for formal spelling bees and now devotes his time to math contests wherein, just for fun, he solves complex equations. This news did not fill me with confidence.

The first word flung at me on air was "bruxism." Explained Marcy, the host for the annual bee: "Bruxism: It's the habitual grinding of the teeth, especially during sleep."

I broke out in a flop sweat, so naturally I accused Marcy of making the word up, then took a wild stab at it and, after spitting out three random letters, Marcy began pounding on a little bell to indicate I was not even in the ballpark.

My next word was "desideratum" (which means "If I could spell it, I'd look it up for you.") and, after I mumbled another three random letters, Marcy was once again pounding away on her little bell like the drummer in a heavy-metal band.

In contrast, Michael casually breezed through his words. He was also extremely polite and gracious in victory.

I had desperately hoped no one was tuned in to CBC that early, but I was a fool. Over the last few days, I have been repeatedly mocked by friends, family, colleagues and strangers for being humiliated by a 14-year-old spelling whiz kid.

So, yes, if you must know, I am feeling a tiny bit embarrassed by my poor showing. I've even started grinding my teeth. Apparently they have a word for that.

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 13, 2012 A2

(You must be logged in to post your reaction)

Your reaction?

More Local

Undock

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is register and/or login and you can join the conversation and give your feedback.

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010; View the changes. New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.