Mindy's project: Nail grads to wall
TV actress Mindy Kaling gave a speech to graduating Harvard Law students the other day, and she nailed their prospects pretty well:
"... and now, with this diploma in hand, most of you will go on to the noblest pursuits, like helping a cable company acquire a telecom company. You will defend BP from birds. You will spend hours arguing that the well water was contaminated well before the fracking occurred. One of you will sort out the details of my pre-nup. A dozen of you will help me with my acrimonious divorce..."
Kaling, a Dartmouth grad, is 34.
Truth or fiction?
Us Weekly says Uma Thurman is dating Quentin Tarantino, who directed her in Pulp Fiction and the two Kill Bill movies.
The mag says the two shared a villa at the just-concluded Cannes schmooze-fest, which included a 20th-anniversary screening of Pulp Fiction.
Tarantino's never been married but has dated widely. Uma was married to Ethan Hawke from 1998 to 2003 and had two kids with him, and in 2012 had a baby with her on-again, off-again partner Arky Busson.
She's 44. Tarantino is 51.
Carrie kills it
CARRIE Fisher spoke in England the other day, at the Hay Festival of Literature and Arts and Pretentiousness. (OK, I added the last two words.)
Asked about the time Princess Leia killed Jabba the Hutt, in 1983's Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, she said this:
"They asked me on the day if I wanted to have a stunt double kill Jabba. No! That's the best time I ever had as an actor. And the only reason to go into acting is if you can kill a giant monster."
Brad's glad for change
WINE Spectator mag got Brad Pitt talking about Ch¢teau Miraval, the 13th-century-monastery-turned-winery in Provence that he and Angelina Jolie bought in 2012. They've already almost tripled production of their first wine, a rosé, to 16,000 cases.
Brad says he likes being there because it's a nice change from the pace of Hollywood: "I'm a farmer now. I love learning about the land and which field is most suitable for which grape, the drama of September and October... I enjoy cleaning the forest and walking the land. [It is] the antithesis of the drive, the want, the need to get ahead indicative of life in Hollywood."
Scout brings them out
ANNALS of attention-deprivation, Chapter 45,938: Scout Willis, daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, chose to stroll about Manhattan topless on Wednesday.
She billed this little adventure as a gesture of protest against Instagram's ban on topless photos of females on the site.
New Yorkers, being New Yorkers, mostly just shrugged.
Scout is 22.
Best puff ever
WE live in pathetic times: The Telegraph, in England, reports breathlessly that "members of One Direction, one of Britain's biggest boy bands, have been filmed joking about marijuana as they smoke a rolled-up cigarette".
Wow. Talk about your degenerate modern youth. A joint-like artifact! The horror!
Don't get me wrong. Drugs are bad, period. (OK, except ethanol, especially made from 100 per cent agave.) But after decades of rockers buying cocaine by the carload, after Willie Nelson and Bob Marley and the '70s and acid and mollie and Keith Richards and medical marijuana and all, why is a major newspaper getting excited about a boy band smoking a joint?
The "shocking" video was shot by Louis Tomlinson while the band was touring in Peru. The boys share a hand-rolled cigarette and joke about "Mary Jane." Pretty daring.
Extra cheesed off
MACAULAY Culkin fronts Pizza Underground, a band that performs rock classics re-written with pizza references. Lou Reed's It's a Perfect Day becomes It's a Pizza Day, etc.
But the fans weren't hungry at the band's weekend festival gig in Nottingham, England. The local Nottingham Post reports that the boys were deluged with beer and fled the stage after just three tunes.
"Why are you throwing those?" Culkin asked the audience when the beer started to fly. "I'd rather drink them," he said gamely.
But the abuse continued so he just said "That's the end of the show. Good night."
This is kind of puzzle, notes the N.Y. Daily News, since the band has been well received at other British music festivals.
Pharrell's equal-opportunity fumes
PHARRELL Williams, already having a pretty good year, will be even happier now that people can buy his new perfume, Girl.
Despite the name, this stuff -- he's selling it in collaboration with Comme des Garçons -- is designed to be used, according to this here press release, by women or men.
It's finger-painting good
STRANGE hobbies of the stars: Mike Myers hasn't made a movie since Inglourious Basterds in 2009. Now we know why, sort of: he's been busy painting pictures of Col. Harlan Sanders.
''I make about a painting a week," he told GQ mag. "My first painting was of my wife, Kelly. My second one was of my dog, George Harrison. And then I got into this Colonel Sanders thing.
"Growing up in Canada ... our whole family was obsessed with the Colonel. He has his own unique silhouette - you can draw him in three lines.
"On the day that Lucian Freud died, I painted my version of a Freud with the Colonel, naked, holding a palette, painting himself. Then I did the Colonel with the Pearl Earring. Then I did the ... Mona Lisa with the Colonel."
Biebs into the sauce
AT a swanky AIDS-research fund-raising gala at the Hotel du Cap in Antibes the other day, a sideshow to the Cannes festivities, Justin Bieber ordered spaghetti from the kiddies's menu.
He was hungry, see, and the food was slow in coming to his table where the big people -- models, directors, bankers, at the event, hosted by Harvey Weinstein -- were sitting.
So his security people requested pasta for him ASAP, and he sat alone to eat it.
Justin's 20. He only acts 8.
Time not on their side
SOFIA Vergara and rich guy Nick Loeb have cancelled their engagement. Again.
This time it seems they're not even a couple any longer. She broke the news, via Twitter, blaming schedule problems.
"Not that anyone should care," she said, "but in order to not give the press the chance to invent crazy and hurtful drama, I prefer to tell my fans personally that Nick and I have decided to be apart... We have been having too many problems with figuring out how to spend time together..."
They became a couple in 2010, broke up in 2012, got back together, got engaged. Now this. Stay tuned. Or on second thought, let's not bother.
She's 41. He's 38.