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Debonair Latin actor lives on in classic lines

By: Doug Speirs

5/02/2009 1:00 AM | Comments: 1

I was driving along in a business-like manner the other day, paying careful attention to the traffic conditions while simultaneously picking toast crumbs off my shirt, when I heard the tragic news on my car radio.

It hit me hard -- Ricardo Montalban had passed away.

Now, I know exactly what you young people are thinking right now. You are thinking: "Huh?? Ricardo Who???"

Well, let me just say this, young people: "Shame on you! Shame on you for not knowing about one of the great cultural icons of our time!"

Sorry about that, young people, I get a little carried away sometimes. But what we are talking here is a legendary film and TV actor whose career spanned seven decades.

Now do not get me wrong here. I am not trying to suggest Montalban was one of the great stars of his generation. He wasn't.

Some of his roles -- I am thinking here of when he played a Japanese guy on an episode of Hawaii Five-O -- were pretty lame.

But he was cool. He was dignified. And, more importantly, he was the guy behind some of the most memorable catchphrases in history, the kind of words that burrow deep into your brain and remain trapped there for the rest of your life, no matter how hard you try to forget them.

When I heard he'd died, the first thing that popped into my mind as I sat behind the wheel was those cheesy Chrysler Cordoba ads from the 1970s in which Montalban, in his trademark rich Latin accent, extolled the car's upholstery for its -- and anyone my age knows exactly what's coming -- "soft Corinthian leather."

Apparently there was no such thing as "Corinthian leather," but we didn't care, young people. Back then, we all wanted this stuff in our cars, and we all wandered around, pretending to be Latin, parroting Montalban's ultra-smooth delivery, trying to impress girls by telling them that the tacky cloth seats in our 1972 Dodge Dart were actually "fine or rich (OK, the word was "soft" but everyone got it wrong) Corinthian leather."

The very next thing that popped into my mind was Montalban's legendary performance as Capt. Kirk's musclebound archnemesis, Khan Noonien Singh, in the 1982 film Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, which featured the kind of unforgettable dialogue that -- and you can be thankful for this, young people -- you just don't find in movies today. For example, you can feel the tension in this dramatic exchange between Khan and Capt. James T. Kirk (as portrayed by William Shatner):

Khan: "Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrk!!!!"

Kirk: "Khhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!"

Dramatic, eh? It is dialogue like this that gets stuck on a perpetual loop in your brain, preventing you from remembering less-important information, such as your bank card number, how many children you have, or the fact that today is your wedding anniversary and you were supposed to stop on the way home to buy your wife a present so she would continue to love you despite the fact you've been a really selfish jerk for most of the year.

Anyway, young people, as I drove along, my mind finally wandered to Montalban's most important contribution to western civilization, the role that truly made him a pop culture icon, his performance as Mr. Roarke, the overseer of Fantasy Island, a 1970s television series wherein people from all walks of life would come to a mysterious island in the Pacific Ocean and, for a price, live out their fantasies. It was the opposite of reality TV.

I realize many of you young people never got a chance to see Fantasy Island. You can be thankful for that. But trust me, young people, your parents LOVED that show. They loved it the way they loved wearing bellbottom jeans and platform shoes. There is a reason for this -- they fried their brains back in the '60s.

But that's not the point, young people. The point is that, mere seconds after hearing about the demise of Ricardo Montalban, I laughed. I was sad, but I laughed, because six words popped out of my mouth, words that had been locked away in my brain for decades.

Here are the words: "Hey, boss!!! Ze plane! Ze plane!"

(Right now hundreds of people my age are frowning and saying to themselves: "Hold on, Doug! Wasn't it: 'Da plane! Da plane!" ?????" These people are wrong.)

These immortal words kicked off every episode of Fantasy Island. Every Saturday night, we would flick our TVs on and watch Mr. Roarke's scary little sidekick, Tattoo (played by Herve Villechaize), run up the island's bell tower and signal the arrival of that week's guests by shouting that catchphrase in his unique French accent.

Then, Ricardo Montalban, in a blindingly white suit and reeking of culture, would welcome everyone by raising his glass and saying: "My dear guests, I am Mr. Roarke, your host. Welcome to Faaaaaaaaaaaantasy Island!"

That's about it, young people. Forgive me for giving you a history lesson today. I guess I was just feeling a little nostalgic. Because I really miss Ricardo Montalban. And I'll never ever forget "soft Corinthian leather," or "Khhhhhaaaaaaaaan!!!" or "Ze plane! Ze plane!"

Your parents will never forget this stuff either, young people. Trust me, they've tried.

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 5, 2009 A2

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1 Comments

Posted by: talking_donut

February 5, 2009 at 1:03 PM

Uhhh, Doug? Not to be picky, but two out of those three quotes aren't actually ever spoken by Ricardo Montalban. Don't get me wrong, he was a fine actor. But I'll remember him for lines he ACTUALLY spoke.