DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We live on an acreage just outside Winnipeg because my young wife wanted to have horses desperately. I knew she'd had them as a young girl growing up, and loved them. I am older and so I could buy us this place. This is the problem that's arisen. When she comes in from the horse barn after a mild winter day and a big run on her favourite horse, she looks suspiciously flushed and kind of spaced out -- exactly how she acts for about a half hour after climaxing with me. Last weekend I made a joke to her about having a "horse-gasm" and she said, "Yeah, so what?" Then I didn't know what to say. That night I pressed her about it again, and she said, "It happens because of the friction sometimes, so why does it bother you? I'm not cheating on you with a horse, for God's sake. Don't be ridiculous." I still feel kind of jealous. What should I say or do, or should I just shut up right now? -- Weirded Out, Winnipeg Area
Dear Weirded Out: It's the saddle, not the horse that causes the reaction. If you see the saddle as a kind of vibrator and get away from the idea of the horse as the stimulator, your brain will be better able to digest this. There are other kinds of self-stimulation you probably use when you and your wife are not in the mood at the same time. This is the same type of thing. But, when she wants to really make love, she wants to make love with you. That is the important truth of this matter. Stop making crude jokes about it, and try to get a grip on your jealousy, as your wife is not cheating on you any more than she would be with a sex-toy vibrator.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband goes "downtown" more and more often this winter. I don't know where he goes. I suspect he's developed a gambling problem again. He had one in his first marriage. I don't know how to find out about it. At his insistence, we recently separated our accounts so there is a pot for the general expenses, and he has his money and I have mine. He never wanted to do this before. I love him, but I am not dumb enough to think he isn't gambling and we could lose everything one day. Now what? -- Scared Stiff, River Heights
Dear Scared: With the banking moves, your husband is giving off major signals he's in trouble. To get a game plan in gear and to protect yourself financially, you need to confer with the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba (toll-free gambling helpline 1-800-463-1554) about programs to encourage family to plan for their emotional and financial safety needs. You don't need to lose the house and vehicles, among other things. Unfortunately, you and your husband don't communicate well, so you need couples counselling to be able to discuss all the explosive issues in your marriage. But first, you need your own protective financial set-up in place as you have no idea how close you are to losing important assets.
Questions or comments? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6