Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/4/2013 (1337 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
I was briefly flirting with the idea of using today's column to tell all of you to stop whining about the weather, but then it hit me.
You're Manitobans -- unless you cheer for the Saskatchewan Roughriders, in which case you are a burden on society -- and complaining about the weather is your (bad word) birthright.
That's right, as Manitobans, you have a God-given right to complain about three things, namely:
1) Our (#$%*@!!*#) weather;
2) The fact our blood-sucking mosquitoes are the size of mature Yorkshire terriers;
3) Toronto, because if our city was destroyed by a tornado, the only thing Torontonians would want to know is whether it would improve the Maple Leafs' chances of making the playoffs.
So go ahead and complain, because (a) it's your democratic right; and (b) the Winter That Refused to Die isn't going to be on its death bed any time soon, as far as I can see.
According to Environment Canada, we are looking at a mix of sun and clouds today with a sizzling daytime high of 2 C, compared to the normal high of 10 C in a typical spring.
The forecast for Sunday calls for, surprise, a mix of sun and clouds with a high of 2 C and a 30 per cent chance of snow flurries or rain. On Monday, we're talking a high of zero and a sprinkling of snow. Not that we're complaining, although we could if we wanted to.
The only thing you do NOT have a right to complain about, people, is the number of awesome things we have to do this weekend to take our minds off the (totally inappropriate word) weather.
For instance, you can laugh until you have an unfortunate bladder-related accident at the Winnipeg Comedy Festival, featuring some of Canada's top comics at venues around the city. For tickets and schedule info, go to winnipegcomedyfestival.com.
Or check out Wine & Words, where new works by Manitoba writers will be read out loud by a gaggle of outstanding local celebrities, including the Weather Column. It's tonight at the Asper Centre for Theatre and Film and tickets are $20 but there aren't many left, so go to www.theatrebytheriver.com right now.
If you currently happen to be a woman, I strongly suggest you head to Assiniboia Downs this weekend for the seventh annual Ultimate Women's Show, which, according to their website, is "a truly femalelicious, sensational, entertaining and exciting weekend out for each and every woman visiting." Tickets are $5 at the door and, as far as I know, women who are not quite ultimate yet are also welcome.
Speaking of baby animals (smooth transition, eh?), waddle over to Southdale Community Centre, 254 Lakewood Blvd., Sunday from noon to 3 p.m. for the seventh annual Spring Baby Shower, a fundraiser for the Wildlife Haven Rehabilitation Centre.
You can go nose-to-beak with one of the centre's "education ambassadors," enter the silent raffle and enjoy some tasty treats. Admission is a silver collection, with the cash going to help the hundreds of orphaned and injured animals the wildlife centre receives every spring. Awwwwww!
On the other hand, you could just sit at home watching the Masters golf tournament on TV and moaning about the weather. Because you're a Manitoban and it's your (very rude word) right!