It's Grey Cup weekend, and you football fans know what that means -- we are required by federal gaming regulations to deliver a weekend weather forecast packed with cheesy pigskin clichés.
We're going to "kick off" our outlook by pointing out the city is going to be "blindsided" today by a brutal daytime high of -17 C, which, if we look at the scoreboard, is two "touchdowns" and a "convert" below the normal high of -4 C when the CFL's Holy Grail is up for grabs.
According to the coach, while we are being "blitzed" by the icy cold, there won't be any clouds on the field to "block" the sun on the eve of the 101st Grey Cup game between Saskatchewan and Hamilton. On Grey Cup Sunday, look for the sun to shrug off shoddy "tackling" by a few clouds, "breaking through the line" and racking up a sizzling daytime high of -3 C, which is a "convert" or a "rouge" warmer than the normal high.
At risk of a "delay of game" flag, we will point out the championship game is being played in Regina, without a cloud or a Blue Bomber in sight and a daytime high rushing up to -2 C.
It appears snow will be kept on the sidelines this week, with a high of -2 C giving the fans reason to cheer on Monday, although we'll be "sacked" by below-normal temperatures the rest of the week.
Let's take a "timeout" now and ponder how to celebrate this most hallowed of Canadian sporting weekends. We suggest you get your "backfield in motion" on Sunday at a huge Grey Cup bash being hosted by the Weather Column's favourite CFL player, B.C. Lions quarterback (and former Bomber pivot) Buck Pierce.
Buck and a bunch of his CFL buddies will be welcoming fans at Danny's BBQ Smokehouse & Buck's Sports Lounge, 1747 Ellice Ave, starting at 3 p.m. Walk-ins welcome, reservations at 204-779-7041.
Here's an option: "reverse field" and drive into the "end zone" of musical delight tonight at the opening of Manitoba Opera's spaghetti western version of Don Pasquale, wherein the Weather Columnist will be coming off the bench to play "the Sleeping Cowboy." Tickets at 204-944-8824 or www.manitobaopera.mb.ca
Or call an "audible" and "huddle up" at the 34th annual Signatures Craft Show & Sale this weekend at the convention centre, featuring work from 120 artisans who clearly "gave 120 per cent."
Before "hitting the showers," make sure to "punt" your pet in the car and gain "positive yards" to the Winnipeg Humane Society's shelter at 45 Hurst Way Sunday from noon to 4 p.m. for the second of two Pet Pics with Santa Paws fundraisers. Book an appointment first at www.winnipeghumanesociety.ca or www.adamyork.ca
Regardless of which team you're cheering for (OK, you're cheering for the Riders because Winnipeg is in the West!!), there's one thing to keep in mind: It ain't over until the fat guy sings! Hold on, sorry, that's the opera.