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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Good things come in small packages

By: Miss Lonelyhearts

Posted: 05/20/2012 1:00 AM | Comments: 0

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a small man with small appendages, including the one people tend to make jokes about. I have small hands, small feet and people guess the rest. Unfortunately, they are right in my case. My girlfriend is tiny and she says it works just fine for her. I love her and will probably marry her. But are we, as a couple, not just set up by our genes for making tiny children, who in turn will be teased in this country of Amazons? I suggested to her we move to her country of origin, which we visited last winter, and I just loved it. The people are smaller and I would be average in size there. My career is such that I could easily work there -- and it's warm, beautiful place. She say no. She likes it here in Canada and her parents fought to get here. -- Small Guy, Wpg

Dear Small Guy: It sounds like you have the perfect match right now, and she is pleased with you sexually. Would you rather marry a bigger woman with some tall genes in her background and always be the little guy in the marriage? With the self-esteem problems you carry, that could be a disaster. What you need to work on is not a change of country -- which your lady refuses anyway -- but a change of attitude with the help of a therapist. Meanwhile, you are healthy and can lift weights to be strong-looking. You can do big things in the world and be a man of great stature. Many movie stars in our culture are short, but that doesn't stop them. If you want to look a little taller you can get lifts put in your dress shoes by a shoemaker, and wear thick-soled running shoes or cowboy boots with your jeans. As for producing small children, Winnipeg is an ethnic-diverse city and you can live in a neighborhood where people are of your girlfriend's background -- not Amazons -- and there are lots of smaller kids at school. Get your kids involved in self defence early on, so they can handle foolish Amazons who might think of bullying them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am a single woman maverick who doesn't care much for the rules of society, especially when it comes to sex. I live alone, and often need help with my house and garden, and my girlfriends husbands are, for the most part, involved in the trades. I have had a few sexual experiences -- really not very many and I call it "borrowing" -- with several of the husbands over the last eight years, and no one's been the wiser. I initiated a little action and I thought they were not about to tell on themselves. But last night, I refused the advances of one of these men, and heard from him that all three know about each other. I hate these feelings I'm having. I feel like I am a joke to them and I am on shifting sands. Are we not adults? I am afraid this is all going to blow apart and my girlfriends will turn on me. -- Sudden Nightmare, South End

Dear Nightmare: You already turned on your girlfriends when you initiated sex with their husbands. The men are just as guilty for accepting. This would be a good time to distance yourself from the whole group and start over with a new attitude -- you don't touch what's not yours, even if you don't think sexual borrowing is an important issue. You must be loyal to your friends in ALL ways! This is a problem that cannot be fixed and you need to be outside of it, so there is no continued interest in talking about it for these guys. As you begin to make new friends, make more single friends so you're not the only single woman in a group of married people. This would be a good time to see a psychologist to work out why you did something that seems to come from a place of envy, though there will be a lot more beneath that.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 20, 2012 A15

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