Greatest job exit of all time

Enlarge Image

the associated press Flight attendant Steven Slater lost it after an abusive passenger tried to get her bag before the all-clear was given. (CP)

I don't mind admitting this -- I'm afraid to fly.

It's not that I don't like airplanes; I love airplanes, even though I know in my heart that, aerodynamically speaking, there's no way they should be able to get off the ground, given that they're made of metal and weighed down by husky passengers such as me, along with several tonnes of complimentary airline peanuts.

No, the thing I'm really afraid of is the other airline passengers, who, in my experience, have only a passing acquaintance with personal hygiene and exhibit the social graces and interpersonal skills of angry chimpanzees.

Whenever I fly, under federal aviation safety rules, I am always seated next to a passenger who, when not ignoring polite requests from flight attendants to stop yakking on his cellphone, is peering over my shoulder to peek at my laptop in case I'm writing something nasty about him, which I usually am.

These are the same obnoxious travellers who, during a flight, focus all their mental energies on (a) consuming enough alcohol to topple a college fraternity AND Lindsay Lohan; and (b) complaining airline attendants don't have the proper training to make a really dry martini.

But the worst thing of all is that, seconds before the plane has even touched down, these passengers leap from their seats and race to see who can be the first to -- WHAM! -- fling open the overhead luggage compartment and yank their belongings out, so they can stand in the aisle for the next 30 minutes while the plane slowly taxis to the end of the runway.

It would take a miracle for an international terrorist, even one armed to the teeth, to hijack a commercial airplane without first being knocked out by an impatient passenger battering him over the head with the door to an overhead bin.

What we need on planes today are heroes. What we need are men such as Steven Slater.

In case you've been in a coma the last few days, Steven Slater is the U.S. flight attendant who has become a folk hero for chewing out an obnoxious passenger on a just-landed airplane's public-address system, grabbing a farewell beer from the galley, then activating the emergency chute and sliding to freedom and fame in arguably the greatest job exit of all time.

If you haven't dreamed of quitting a job in this exact manner, then you have probably never held a job in your life.

The details are murky, but according to the New York Times, it all began on the ground Monday in Pittsburgh when Slater, a seasoned JetBlue flight attendant, intervened as an abusive female passenger squabbled with another passenger over access to the overhead luggage bin.

Here's what Slater's lawyer, Howard Turman, told a court hearing Tuesday: "The woman initially at Pittsburgh slammed the overhead into his head."

According to police, however, the main altercation occurred when the plane landed at Kennedy International in New York and the rule-breaking woman tried to get her bag out before the crew had given permission, and bonked Slater on the head with her luggage.

Eventually, the fed-up flight attendant Tasered the unruly passenger. No, sorry, my mistake. That's what I would have done. What Slater did was assume he was dealing with a normal person and asked for an apology, but the woman angrily refused.

So, naturally, he did what any highly trained professional would do -- grabbed the jet's intercom, cursed the woman out, bid farewell to the other passengers ("Those of you who have shown dignity and respect these last 20 years, thanks for a great ride... I've had it!"), helped himself to a cold beer, then fled the jet by sliding down the inflatable exit chute.

Slater reportedly remains in custody on charges of reckless endangerment and criminal mischief after appearing in court Tuesday where, sporting a grin, he failed to post bail set at $2,500.

By Tuesday afternoon, thousands of sympathetic people had visited Facebook pages set up in Slater's honour, while Twitter users were showing support with postings saying "Steven Slater is totally my new hero." and "Steven Slater for SNL host!"

"I think it's funny that he quit his job that way, but I don't think he thought this through," Phil Catelinet, a passenger on the flight, was quoted as saying on NBC's Today show.

I personally think we can all learn something from Slater. Thanks to him, I'll try to be a little braver than normal when I hop on a plane this weekend for a flight to Vancouver.

If nothing else, he's taught me how to get off the plane with my dignity intact.

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 11, 2010 A2