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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

I have a long list of grievances -- so let me get started...

Posted: 02/10/2010 1:00 AM | Comments: 0 (including replies)

No one will ever accuse me of having an excess of patience.I am often ill-tempered, frequently snappish and always just a fast elbow away from honking at the car dawdling in front of me.

I don't do it, but only because my husband frequently reminds me those could be my grandparents driving a plodding 20 kilometres an hour and drifting carelessly between lanes. My grandparents are wreaking havoc in heaven, I snap, between clenched teeth. They've caused all the trouble they can in this world.

I try to remember writer William Faulkner's words: "People need trouble -- a little frustration to sharpen the spirit on, toughen it. Artists do; I don't mean you need to live in a rat hole or gutter, but you have to learn fortitude, endurance. Only vegetables are happy."

I am not a vegetable. I'm more of a crab.

I have a special hit list, comprised mostly of strangers who, either because their mothers didn't teach them better or because they actually don't give a hot damn, get under my skin.

First up are the convenience store counter people who, failing to say hello or make eye contact, drop your change on the counter next to your outstretched hand.

Next, serving people who greet diners the age of their parents as "guys." As in, "How you guys doing tonight?" I know they're trained that way and they don't really care. It's not their fault that the middle-aged insist upon coming out past dark and want to drink their wine before ordering dinner and take their time between courses and generally drag down the young and cool atmosphere in the restaurant.

I tip well. Don't you guys rush me.

Next up, the overly polite, circular logic-using, "customer service" representatives for large corporations. Monday night, my mother asked me to contact Air Canada's frequent flyer program. She wanted to know how many points she has.

I started online and quickly realized she'd never registered on a computer. She had no password to enter. I called the Aeroplan number, sat through several minutes of background music and finally got an operator. I explained the situation.

She said I'd have to enter my mother's password. I explained she didn't have one. I asked her how many points were in the account. She said she couldn't tell me without the password. My mother would have to register online.

I started grinding my teeth. She can't register online because she doesn't use a computer. Couldn't Air Canada just send her a letter with her points total? No, said the customer service representative patiently, because they no longer send out letters.

I placed the phone down gently before spittle began to hit my keyboard.

Let's see what else annoys me: People who don't hold the door for you; cab drivers who don't help old people in and out; drivers who don't use their turn signals; people who park in handicapped spots because they're "only going to be a minute"; folks who talk during movies; dog owners who don't pick it up; families who go to Costco on Saturday to snack, not shop; the pressure to buy a cheap red flocked heart to prove you love your partner on Valentine's Day; the fact that most of the food I love is bad for me and the fact that I now look at least my age in photographs.

You can make your own list. Send it to me if you like. Just remember what journalist Sydney J. Harris said: "If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size?"

Tiny. I'm tiny. You know what I really hate? Columnists who use their valuable newspaper real estate to air their grievances.

Sorry guys. Your table's ready now.

lindor.reynolds@freepress.mb.ca

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 10, 2010 A6

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