It's usually the men who drop drawers first

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The whining husband who complained about his physically-fit wife going naked at home, left me very angry. I'm a card-carrying member of the American Association for Nude Recreation Western Canada (ANARCHY) and a member of its chartered local affiliate, Crocus Grove Sun Club, which is currently searching for a new home.

Usually the reverse of the whiner's tale is seen: virtually all men disrobe instantly when they enter a nudist facility but wives or girlfriends are commonly less willing, though many adapt, having noticed the comfort other "imperfect" women obviously have. Some of the great things about nude recreation are that class-defining clothing is shed, everyone's on the same playing field and both genders are comfortable with their own bodies and those of others, regardless of condition. It's not remotely sexual or perverse or even sensual. Experiencing nudity outdoors can approach transcendence and cannot be condemned until experienced. -- There Ended The Lesson, Winnipeg

Dear Lesson: To be fair to the male writer, it was the "all day" aspect that bothered him. He wanted to romanticize his wife's naked body. Anyone who's experienced a nudist resort will know there's nothing titillating after the first half hour. The bodies becomes routine, and the imperfections seen as part of regular human form. Some nudists say they get fully or partially dressed, for the fun of it, when they feel like being sexy. As for the transcendence aspect of nudity, a lot of people have never felt the warm sun or the cool water on their whole body and have no idea what you're talking about. Pity.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In the past I was a self-mutilator. I have scars from the tip of my wrist to my biceps and from my ankle to my hip. Essentially I am covered in scars. Although I have not taken part in this self-destructive behaviour in about eight years it still affects my life every day. I have currently cancelled my wedding because I could not find a dress that both covered my scars and looked beautiful. Currently I am working on my second degree -- working full time, and going to school full time. I own my home and am financially responsible. I have taken part in a lot of counselling to deal with the issues that caused my self-destructive past. But now my fiancé is sooo angry, he can not believe that I cancelled our wedding over not finding an appropriate dress. It's hard enough accepting that my past actions caused my own grief, but it's even harder knowing how it is affecting him. Also he is not willing to do a destination wedding as he will not get married without his entire family present. So what do we do now? -- Only Myself to Blame, Winnipeg

Dear Blame: A Victorian high-necked gown in lace with an underlay, and long sleeves with pointed tips on your hands would look beautiful, and would subtly cover you from head to toe. I'll email the name of a seamstress who makes and beads wedding gowns, making the pattern for you herself. She can also make bras and slips and help you have a wedding where you feel beautiful and comfortable. If being on display is the real problem, ask your boyfriend to consider a private wedding with just witnesses and family and a big dinner party afterwards. But, if you suspect for one minute you were just trying to hurt yourself again, and this time in a big way, get yourself lined up with more help from the counsellor you best relate to on this issue, and pronto! Breaking off marriage plans is hurtful to your fiancé, though he may be covering the hurt with anger at the moment. One last note: You are working full time and going to school full time. Was the wedding just too much to add to that, so the dress problem was an excuse to opt out?

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6 ,or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 8, 2010 A52