August 4, 2015


By Bartley Kives

Local

Key of Bart -- Bad, bad water brown

Bad, bad water brown

With apologies to Jim Croce

 

On the east side of this city

Across the Floodway from this town

You'll find a treatment plant

But it really can't

Prevent our water from bein' brown.

 

The plant cost $300 million

But it was hooked up into pipes

That are a century old

And they smell of mould

Now we are left to sit and gripe:

 

And it's bad! Bad! Water's brown!

Ruddy crud 'cross the whole damn town

Can't even put the coffee on

I do the laundry and it winds up tawn

 

Now the city's got a theory

About high-volume water use

And in the summer, well

Those volumes go to hell

And so the crud gets in the tubes

 

But there's a problem with that theory

It don't explain why so widespread

We've never had it bad

In every neighbourhood

From Riverdale to Royalwood

 

And it's bad! Bad! Water's brown!

Flilling tubs 'cross the whole damn town

Full of iron and manganese

Can't be cleaned just by sprayin' Febreze

 

Well the city hired consultants

To give 'em some advice

To test the chemistry

And its propensity

To make the water look less than nice

 

So far there's no solution

For the ugly water woes

So we just blame the mayor

And we just say a prayer

Until the brownish water goes

 

And it's bad! Bad! Water's brown!

Embarrassing the whole damn town

"Muddy waters" is our old nickname

And now that really is our claim to fame

 

Adapted, poorly, from Bad, Bad Leroy Brown, written and recorded by JIM CROCE in 1973.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition September 28, 2013 0

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