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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
My insides will be riding up, down and around
On Friday morning, I was sitting in my office cubicle punching out an educational and entertaining column wherein I likened our recent spate of wildly undulating winter weather to a roller-coaster ride.
To bring the comparison to life, I bravely shared the tragic memory of how I was scarred as an 11-year-old kid in Vancouver when I took my first ride on a nauseating roller-coaster just moments after stuffing my face with spaghetti and meatballs.
As I sat there reliving the stomach-churning collision of pasta and extreme gravitational forces, suddenly and without warning, an email popped into my in-box bearing this subject line: "New roller-coaster needs a name."
Coincidence? I think not. I am not given to superstition, but I sensed the Cruel Hand of Destiny holding out the Pink Pepto-Bismol Bottle of Fate as I cracked open this remarkably-timed email and started reading.
In a sincere effort to get free publicity, the folks at the Red River Ex wanted me to know that a monster roller-coaster will be touring North America this summer and the first Canadian stop for this behemoth -- the largest travelling coaster in the country -- will be our very own Ex, set for June 15 to 24.
"This new roller-coaster is a thrill ride in every sense," the news release boasted. "Intended to please the hardcore, thrill-seeking midway rider, the new coaster is over 10,000 square feet in size ... travels at speeds of over 50 km/h and flies over 1,099 feet of track that takes you up and down through twisting and turning hills."
Is that great news, or what? The answer depends largely on the sort of person you are. If you are a normal person, such as my wife or daughter, who loves nothing more than defying gravity on heart-stopping midway rides, you are probably pretty excited.
If, like me, you believe that if God had intended humans to enjoy anything more menacing than the spinning teacups, we would have been born wearing adult diapers, then you are probably feeling a little queasy.
According to the news release, this new coaster currently does not have a name, so the folks at the Ex and North American Midway Entertainment, operator of all the Ex rides, are holding a contest to give it one.
(You have until next Friday to visit redriverex.com or namethecoaster.com to enter. The winning name will be displayed on the coaster and the contest winner gets a four-day trip to either the Red River Ex, the Capital Ex in Edmonton, or Toronto's CNE.)
Sadly, if you are a legendary weenie like me and someone brings a humongous roller-coaster to your city, you are legally obligated to ride it.
That's why I asked Jodi Johnson, communications and marketing manager for the Red River Exhibition Association, whether she felt it would be a brilliant PR move for me to be the first one to test this beast out when summer arrives.
"You bet, you can ride it," is what Jodi happily replied. "I can't say you'd be the first person because, should the winning name come from Manitoba, we'll provide that person the opportunity to be first. But you can be a very close second. I'll get you on it. I'll also bring the sick bag, just in case."
So now I'm considering entering the name-the-coaster contest. My first thought was that it should be called "The Vomit Comet" in honour of the early passenger planes flown over the Rocky Mountains.
In a nostalgic moment, however, a better name came to mind -- "Meatball's Revenge." I have a gut feeling about that one.
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition January 16, 2012 A2
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