3°c Overcast
11°c Light rain
Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Naughty and ice
It's gonna be tough to top the Jets, Santa, but see what you can do
'Tis the week before Christmas
And all through this town
No one cares about nuthin'
'cept when Pavelec goes down
There's a flood and a deficit
We have murders galore
But it's not quite newsworthy
When we know the Jets score
This city's so festive
All smug and well-fed
On its own propaganda
'bout the blue, white and red
Our humility? Forgotten!
Sense of urgency? Lost!
We just care about hockey
Please don't mention the cost
So instead of rebelling
I'll just go with the flow
And write letters to Santa
From some people you know:
Dear Santa,
When I look at the other kids in Western Canada, I see you doling out all kinds of cool gifts.
Little Allie in Alberta has oil. Little Bradley in Saskatchewan has potash. Little Christy in B.C. has marijuana.
But all you keep giving me is buckets and buckets of water. I don't even know where to put the stuff anymore.
I've tried using Lake Winnipeg as a reservoir. I've tried storing the stuff in Lake Manitoba. I've even tried digging ditches in the mud.
If you've seen the size of my deficit, you know there won't be many toys beneath the Manitoba maple this year.
I went to the London School of Economics, for crying out loud. You're not helping here.
- Little Greggie Selinger
Dear Santa,
If you happen to find my wish list from 2007, you might recall something about bringing back the Jets.
Any other year, I'd tell you better late than never. But I know you're a busy guy.
- Little Hughie McFadyen
Dear Santa,
Were you aware the bald eagle builds the largest nest of any North American bird?
- Little Jonny Gerrard
Dear Santa,
As you may recall, I keep asking Little Greggie for a piece of his revenue pie, but the meanie just won't share it with me.
So here's what I want, Santa: A super-duper helicopter, a ginormous choo-choo train and a humungous police station. And maybe some big freeways to go round and round the city. And a magic machine that fixes all the potholes. And a water park. And a new stadium.
Talk to Little Phillie about the terms.
- Little Sammy Katz
Dear Santa,
How do you like my tan? Betcha can't get one of those at the North Pole, now can you, big guy?
- Little Phillie Sheegl
Dear Santa,
I'm very pleased with the nice new bed you've made for me in the Fort Rouge Yards. But I gotta say, I'm not too crazy about who I'm supposed to share it with.
Thank you for your interest in civic issues.
- Little Jenny Gerbasi
Dear Santa,
I'm sick and tired of all these mother(bleep)ing reindeer on this mother(bleep)ing roof.
- Little Rossco Eadie
Dear Santa,
Thanks for getting Little Gordie out of the way. Now as we said last year, can you do something about Little Sammy in about three years' time?
- Little Scottie Fielding, Little Justy Swandel and, depending on the weather, Little Russell Wyatt
Dear Santa,
It's been a while since I've asked you for anything. So how do you feel about $20 million? I might even give you a tour of the museum when it's done.
Just don't come too soon. Maybe Christmas Eve 2015. But don't put that in your book just yet. And no, maybe not in your BlackBerry. I'll send you a Facebook message or something.
- Little Stuey Murray
Dear Santa,
Either do what Little Stuey asks, or I'll start rapping again.
- Little Gaily Asper
Dear Santa,
No, I'm good. Really.
- Little Marky Chipman
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 18, 2011 ??65528
More Local
- Back to Top
- Return to Local
Poll
Proudly brought to you by:
Most Popular Local
- Cyclist killed on Higgins Avenue was passionate mentor, volunteer
- Man hit before fatal blow, friend testifies
- Katz ponders sanity of new rules
- Band, council defy feds on aid
- Police cadets to deal with drunks
- Thieves strip $20K worth of copper wiring from gravel pit
- Pukatawagan RCMP looking for two dangerous suspects
- Union Station to receive $6.5-million makeover
- Gang members get lengthy sentences for jailhouse beating
- Kelvin project lesson in sacrifice
- Bear pulls camper from outhouse, before being shot
- Cyclist killed in collision on Higgins identified
- Severe storm warning issued
- A SHED is not enough
- Cyclist killed on Higgins Avenue was passionate mentor, volunteer
- Football star's fatal punch probed at manslaughter trail
- Scientists lash Harper government for pulling plug on Experimental Lakes Area
- Cyclist killed in Higgins Avenue crash
- Sex-scandal inquiry to be heard in city
- Winnipeg man recovering after campground bear attack
- Boozy night out, lying cost city man big bucks
- Neighbours shaken by two deaths
- Teen hit by vehicle on Pembina
- Rapid buses rattling homes
- Severe storm warning issued
- Has Gimli gone to pot?
- Bear pulls camper from outhouse, before being shot
- Cyclist killed in collision on Higgins identified
- Dr. Seuss banned from B.C. classroom
- Triple whammy hits homes
- Diplomat saved thousands from Hitler
- His life made our world a better place
- Band, council defy feds on aid
- Cyclist killed on Higgins Avenue was passionate mentor, volunteer
- Cummings steps out of reunion for sick mom
- Katz ponders sanity of new rules
- Pukatawagan RCMP looking for two dangerous suspects
- He was enjoying view, bear came out of blue
- Kelvin project lesson in sacrifice
- Hydro headquarters named Canada's greenest office tower
- Bear pulls camper from outhouse, before being shot
- Pooch paradise, where champion beagles run free
- His life made our world a better place
- Scientists lash Harper government for pulling plug on Experimental Lakes Area
- Winnipeg man recovering after campground bear attack
- Weeding out the chemicals
- He was enjoying view, bear came out of blue
- Diplomat saved thousands from Hitler
- U of W rejects copyright deal as 'money grab'
- Chemicals not par for the course
- Bear pulls camper from outhouse, before being shot
- Has Gimli gone to pot?
- Pooch paradise, where champion beagles run free
- His life made our world a better place
- Scientists lash Harper government for pulling plug on Experimental Lakes Area
- RRC's old gem a beauty
- Attack on hockey ref nets jail time
- Osborne Village voted Canada's best neighbourhood
- Our Village is as good as it gets
- Judge faces second complaint
Ads by Google
You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is register and/or login and you can join the conversation and give your feedback.
The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010; View the changes. New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.