Sold down The River

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Smash

"You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows," but these days, a guide through the seemingly endless flurry of pop culture is just what we need. With that in mind, here is what's on the radar screen in TV, music and film for the coming week.

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Paul McCartney (POSTMEDIA MONTREAL GAZETTE)

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Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (POSTMEDIA)

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Safe House (POSTMEDIA)

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The River (CP)

MOVIES

BIG RELEASE: Safe House (Feb. 10)

BIG PICTURE: If Hollywood is any indication, there are zero agents left working at our international spy agencies (I shed a tear for all those "invisible cars" sitting idle in their secret parking lots). From Nikita to Jason Bourne, every agent has seemingly gone "rogue" and every agency boss is corrupt. In Safe House, Denzel Washington follows suit as Tobin Frost, a brilliant, ruthless, ex-CIA operative who appears to have gone to the dark side. Ryan Reynolds plays an inexperienced, desk-bound agent itching for field action. When Frost walks into a CIA safe house, trouble follows in the form of an armed squad bent on taking him out. Of course, Reynolds comes to his aid and both end up on the lam together.

FORECAST: It's good to see Reynolds without a green ring -- or Lycra -- on. Here, the Canuck's talents are well served as a confused rookie agent in over his head and unsure whom to trust. Washington plays a variation on his corrupt cop from Training Day; no other actor can evoke such nobility, while at the same time coming across as a sadistic, violent thug.

HONOURABLE MENTION: Journey 2: The Mysterious Island. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson travels to Jules Verne's Mysterious Island in search of Michael Caine, presumably, to ask what the celebrated thespian is doing in this lighthearted, adventure film. Their island sightseeing includes: a city that might be Atlantis, a mountain that spews gold, miniature elephants, giant bumblebees, dinosaurs -- and Vanessa Hudgens. In a nutshell: good, clean family fun. (As for Caine's presence, you can't really blame him. Can anyone put a price on seeing yourself CGI'd onto a giant, flying bumblebee?)

TV

BIG PREMIERE: The River (Feb. 7, CTV and ABC, 8 p.m.)

BIG PICTURE: Imagine The Blair Witch Project mixed with Lost (and add a pinch of The Crocodile Hunter). Canadian actor Bruce Greenwood stars as Dr. Emmet Cole, a television icon and reality-TV explorer, who disappeared on an Amazon expedition. After a beacon for his missing ship is discovered, Cole's family and former crew go in search of him, with cameras in tow, to document their increasingly chilling exploits. It turns out, the famous explorer (seen on the show in video flashbacks) may have discovered a dark, powerful force during his ill-fated exploits (my guesses are Dick Cheney, Rupert Murdoch -- or Oprah).

FORECAST: Written by Paranormal Activity's Oren Peli, this is a river worth charting. If tonight's two-hour premiere is any indication, The River may be one of the most addictive thrill rides of the entire TV season. The series evokes the supernatural aura of Lost, while being grounded in a whole other genre, due to its hand-held-camera documentary style. The show even has its own "Walt" in the form of a mechanic's daughter who may or may not "see dead people."

HONOURABLE MENTION: Smash (Feb. 6, CTV and NBC, 9 p.m.). The cast of Smash make Glee's New Directions look like musical preschoolers. This visually sumptuous musical-drama, which goes behind the scenes at a Broadway-show tribute to Marilyn Monroe, practically dances off the screen. Chock-full of real Broadway veterans such as Megan Hilty, Anjelica Huston and Debra Messing -- not to mention former American Idol challenger, Katharine McPhee -- the cast has genuine vocal talent, and the script and musical numbers are perfectly pitched. It's the new and improved Glee: The moody, self-centred, ambitious, competitive, hormonally charged teens have been replaced by moody, self-centred, ambitious, competitive, hormonally charged adults.

MUSIC

BIG RELEASE ON TUESDAY: Paul McCartney (Kisses on the Bottom)

BIG PICTURE: Really, Sir Paul? Kisses on the Bottom may be the worst album title since Madonna's Music. Just in time for Cupid to draw his bow, the ex-Beatle is here to croon his way through an album of romantic standards such as It's Only a Paper Moon and Glory of Love. It's not that these classics of the Great American Songbook don't have vast musical merit. It's just that McCartney's renditions, coupled with light jazz instrumentation, come across as largely forced and cheesy. If you make a second Valentine's album, I've got a title for you Paul: Knees to the Groin.

FORECAST: Devoted McCartney fans will enjoy the album's two new tracks, My Valentine and Only Our Hearts, which benefit from the help of Eric Clapton and Stevie Wonder, respectively. As for the 69-year-old icon, perhaps he'd be better off sticking to making new music. We know he believes in Yesterday; that doesn't mean we need to hear about it.

HONOURABLE MENTION: Of Montreal (Paralytic Stalks): One of indie rock's finest bands is back with more addictive, body-shaking, orchestral pop-rock. You'll find finely tuned harmonies and influences that range from electronica to funk, from The Beatles to David Bowie. Don't let the name fool you. Frontman Kevin Barnes, of Athens, Georgia, named the band after a failed relationship with a woman "of Montreal." Maybe her memory is still his musical muse? And a personal message for Sir Paul: Listen to this album. It's what The Beatles might have sounded like if they had been formed today.

-- Postmedia News

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 5, 2012 ??65525