Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Stay out of their lives; mom and daughter will both thank you Maureen Scurfield / Miss Lonelyhearts

  • Print

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I've been seriously seeing this younger woman (by 11 years) I met at a social. I went with her on her birthday to her mom's. I wasn't prepared about the family -- had only seen a pictures at her apartment except of her remarried dad. I was shocked when she pulled up and the house was familiar. The mom turned around to see me and extended her hand automatically. Shock! It was a woman I'd met online, and gone out with a few times, and had sex with upstairs at that very house. I stopped seeing her in a mean and cowardly way. She looked mortified, and we stood there struggling to say something. My girlfriend said, "You two know each other?" and the mother said no, and I said yes, without thinking. We got through supper and the birthday cake with about a dozen friends and relatives in the room. Then I made excuses and took off "to see to a problem at work." My girlfriend wanted to know what was going on and I didn't have the heart to tell her. Instead, I broke up with her the next day, which has been causing both of us pain. What should we do? I don't want to marry the daughter of someone I slept with, so what's the point of continuing? -- Ham in the Sandwich, St. James

 

Dear Ham: There is no point. This is a good time to make fake excuses and get out of their lives. There's no need to tell this young woman the unfortunate truth about you and her mother. It would be psychologically damaging for everybody. You could never be a happy, trusting family. There are enough people living in a city this size for both of you to find less complicated relationships than this one. Let your girlfriend be mad and hurt for a time and you put up with the pain as penance for the miserable way you treated her mother. You know what they say about dating karma.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Please tell this to Concerned Sister who's trying to help her older brother who lives off her parents and is nasty and racist: I was in her very shoes 15 years ago. I grew up with my older brother who thought the world owed him a favour. He expected the best from everybody and demanded nothing of himself. Our parents eventually moved to a different part of North America, and he was "orphaned" at the tender age of 27. This younger sister should feel no guilt in retracting her previous invitation for him to come live with her in the city. It would be a drain emotionally, spiritually and financially. It's also OK to keep communication at a minimum until he demonstrates the desire to change. My brother really liked to party and usually with the wrong people. He was arrested numerous times and went to court-ordered rehab. I hit the wall when some unsavoury people tried to get into my apartment building looking for him. Any mail that showed up for him at my address I marked return to sender. I had to change my phone number multiple times. I finally told him point-blank I had room for him in my heart, but he was not sharing my home, getting close to my kids, using my address again nor was I ever lending him money. I was also willing to see him in rehab, but not while he was in jail. It took a long time for him to get that. Unfortunately for my brother, his lifestyle caught up to him and he died at a very young age of 39, living alone and essentially cut off from his family due to his choices and behaviours. -- Been There, Winnipeg

 

Dear Been There: Sometimes there's nothing you can do to help a family member and they have to stand or fall on their own. Let's hope Concerned Sister learns by your experience, and rescinds any invitations to her spoiled, lazy and possibly addicted older brother to come to the city and stay with her and her boyfriend. It would turn into much longer and would be the end of them. In her letter to me, she said he also makes racist remarks and her boyfriend is of mixed race. Unfortunately, as much as we love our siblings, once they get past a certain stage, we can't always be there to rescue them. Like a drowning person, they are likely to take us down with them.

 

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg., R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition January 20, 2013 A15

Fact Check

Fact Check

Have you found an error, or know of something we’ve missed in one of our stories?
Please use the form below and let us know.

* Required
  • Please post the headline of the story or the title of the video with the error.

  • Please post exactly what was wrong with the story.

  • Please indicate your source for the correct information.

  • Yes

    No

  • This will only be used to contact you if we have a question about your submission, it will not be used to identify you or be published.

  • Cancel

Having problems with the form?

Contact Us Directly
  • Print

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

Have Your Say

New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscribers only. why?

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press Subscribers only. why?

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010.

letters

Make text: Larger | Smaller

LATEST VIDEO

On the job with sea lion researchers

View more like this

Photo Store Gallery

  • A young goose   reaches for long strands of grass Friday night near McGillvary Blvd-See Bryksa 30 Day goose challenge- Day 19 - May 23, 2012   (JOE BRYKSA / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS)
  • JOE BRYKSA/WINNIPEG FREE PRESS Local-(Standup photo)- A wood duck swims through the water with fall refections in Kildonan Park Thursday afternoon.

View More Gallery Photos

Poll

Are you concerned about the death of a seal at the Assiniboine Park Zoo?

View Results

View Related Story

Ads by Google