Stop living in fear; get out, work hard and see what happens

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I woke up this morning and looked across at my snoring old husband and remembered what happened the night before. Despite the hangover, I got up and just started to pack quietly in the next room. The woman who had joined us for a threesome (well-paid) had long since gotten herself a cab and left our place. I can't stand the lifestyle he has forced on me. I stayed with him because of -- I'm ashamed to admit this -- the money. He stopped being kind and nice to me about a year after we were married and he was used to having a beautiful woman on his arm. He is older and wealthy, and I was brought up working hard for every nickel I got. I even did some work as a very private call girl while I went through university and made the mistake of confessing that to him in the beginning. Now I have a great career, but he says if I ever leave him, he will tell the world what I used to do. Two months ago I went out on my own, business-wise, and I pray I will be very successful, even if he tells my deepest, darkest secrets. Do you think he'll try to hurt me? Nobody leaves him! I will not ask for more than I deserve. I have been with him a number of years now and I put up with a lot in that time. -- Scared But Determined, South Winnipeg

Dear Scared: It doesn't reflect well on him if he tells the whole world his wife used to be a call girl. Chances are he's just blowing hot air. If he does tell, and there is no proof to be had of your former business, you can tell the whole world he's just making up stories so it doesn't look bad that you chose to leave him. Rather than living in fear, make the break fearlessly, work hard and see what happens. Don't challenge him with a line like the famous "publish and be damned," but let that be your secret attitude and see a good lawyer, pronto.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a woman on New Year's Eve who made my stomach flip over. I'm obsessed with her. I danced with her most of the night at the party. She came and left alone. I caught her leaving and we had one kiss at the door when I caught her getting her coat. I know her full name now and where she works, but I am afraid to call her. Her passionate kiss told me what she thought of me. It was hot and she clung to me. Have I missed my chance? Is it too late to call her at work, when I have to explain who I am, and ask her out? What if she's attached to someone or married? -- Always On My Mind, Portage & Main

Dear On My Mind: As the weeks pass, it gets harder and harder to call, so get on the phone today, but be foxy. Call at a time when you're pretty sure she won't be there and explain who you are to her voice mail, and say you'll call the next day. That gives her time to remember the dancing and kiss (she won't have forgotten in two weeks), and then you don't have to stammer out an explanation to her. When you call again the next day, ask her to join you for lunch at a very nice place -- a restaurant with some status. The fact that it's lunch makes it a shorter experience, but is a lot classier than a coffee. Don't ask her on the phone if she's married as a condition for buying her lunch. You can subtly find out later.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I make the mistake of getting a shy, single woman from my office drunk on shooters and then going over to her little apartment for sex. I am one of the executives at work and I should have known better. However, I have been known to be a fool and make some dumb choices. Now she is finding excuses to talk to me at work and giving me the big cow eyes. How can I let her know I don't want her and it was a one-time thing without appearing to be a jerk? -- Want Her Gone, St. James

Dear Want Her Gone: You are a jerk -- and you hint it isn't your first mean move. Now she thinks you like her when you were just getting her drunk and using her. It would behoove you to be pleasant but distant so she will finally give up on you, poor thing.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition January 13, 2013 A15