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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Your Weekend Weather

By: Doug Speirs

Posted: 02/4/2012 1:00 AM | Comments: 0 (including replies)

A thick bank of fog cloaked the city as Sherlock Holmes and his faithful sidekick, Dr. Watson, strode briskly along the narrow cobbled streets and made their way to the front door of an ancient Victorian mansion.

Before they could knock, the door creaked open and their old friend, Insp. Lestrade of Scotland Yard, ushered them inside and up a creaking flight of stairs to a dingy room at the back of the eerie building.

There, as their eyes slowly adjusted to the dim lamplight, the great detectives made a grisly discovery -- lying on the floor, face-down in a large puddle of icy water, was a corpse. Holstering his trusty revolver, Watson walked over to the body and, after carefully flipping it over, stared into its lifeless face.

"Oh my stars!" Watson croaked in surprise, "It's..."

Holmes finished his friend's sentence. "Yes, Watson," he grunted, "It's... Winter!" Watson's face grew pale. "Is he..."

"Yes!" Holmes roared, "Winter is dead. Quite dead."

The doctor prodded the corpse with a single finger. "Hmm," he observed, "It's definitely cold."

"Yes, it's cold, Watson. But not THAT cold," Holmes replied tersely. "In fact, it's unseasonably warm!"

Lestrade was confused. "What are you saying, Mr. Holmes? Who killed Winter?"

The legendary detective adjusted his deerstalker cap.

"We need more evidence, but it could have been warm air from the West Coast. My sources say there's been a lot of it hanging around."

"Do you think he might have been 'liquidated' by an early spring?" Watson interjected.

"Possibly," Holmes muttered. "Here's a clue: Environment Canada says today will be sunny with a high of 1 C."

Watson gasped. "My God, Holmes," he said. "The normal high at this time of year is only -10 C."

"Correct," Holmes agreed. "I deduce on Super Bowl Sunday we'll see more sun and a balmy high of 4 C."

Lestrade broke into a cold sweat. "What do we do now, Mr. Holmes?" he demanded.

"Calm down, " Holmes whispered, "Let's start by checking out the St. Boniface Museum on Sunday afternoon because they're hosting storytelling sessions featuring some of Manitoba's top storytellers."

Watson smiled. "Brilliant," he said. "French stories start at 1:30 p.m. and the English presentation is at 3 p.m."

Holmes peered through his magnifying glass. "We may also find a few clues today from noon to 3 p.m. at the third annual Mid-Winter Festival family fun day around Fort Richmond Collegiate," he snorted.

Watson patted his friend on the back. "How did you ever get so smart, Holmes?" he asked.

Holmes offered a thin smile. "School," he finally said.

Watson scowled. "Do you mean ..."

"Yes," Holmes snapped, "Elementary, my dear Watson. Elementary."

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 4, 2012 A2

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