Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Your weekend weather

  • Print

To: Winter

From: Management

Re: Your job performance

 

Dear Winter: It is extremely rare for management to criticize an employee for doing their job too well, but that is the position we find ourselves in today.

There's no question you have put in an outstanding effort this season, Winter. You have been cold -- brutally so on some days -- and snowy -- way above normal, in fact -- and your northerly winds could literally cause birds to freeze solid in mid-air.

You have done everything we wanted this year and more. In fact, it's the "and more" part we need to speak to you about. As you are well aware, Winter, the vernal equinox arrived earlier this month on March 20.

What does that mean? It means Spring should be on the job right now, whereas you should be enjoying a lovely vacation in the Arctic or the Antarctic or wherever it is you go to, er, cool down after finishing your part-time job.

And it is a part-time job, Winter. We appreciate your enthusiastic approach to work, but the truth is we don't want you plying your trade on a year-round basis. It's not good for morale. We have spoken to Spring and, as you can imagine, she is pretty darn upset about the fact you refuse to relinquish your, um, position in the workplace.

We do not wish to contact our lawyers, Winter, but we need to be clear: Nice work, but, hey, it's time for you to go. Our proposal is you stick around a few more days, enjoy the Juno Awards on Sunday, then slide off into the sunset, giving Spring a chance to begin her apprenticeship.

According to our friend Dale Marciski at Environment Canada, you are doing your best to cling to power, even though some southerly winds will be pulling warmer air up from the central U.S. this weekend.

We will be looking at highs of 3 C today and 0 C on Sunday, which sounds nice, until you realize the normal high at this time of year is a near-tropical 4 C. Then, on Monday, the winds become northerly, bringing us cooler air and a high of just (Gulp!) -11 C.

"It (Saturday's winds) will also pull in some clouds and we could see a few snow flurries, even wet snow flurries Saturday," Dale said.

As for when Spring will begin work, as required under the collective agreement, Dale refused to speculate. "I'm not going to predict spring until I really see it," he declared. "I'm predicting milder weather, but it's still a slow process ... There will be a little melting this weekend."

At his show on Thursday night, internationally renowned comedian Danny Bhoy scolded us Winnipeggers for jumping the gun. "Don't put a date on spring, Winnipeg," he snorted. "Wait until you actually see the little green shoots coming up."

So, please, feel free to stick around and enjoy the Juno festivities this weekend, Winter. Along with the awards show, there's Juno Fest, featuring something like 100 national and local acts at almost 20 different venues scattered around the city. It's a chance to catch the best live music this nation can offer at bargain prices. Individual tickets are $10 to $20 at the door, but the best bet is to buy a festival wristband for $30 through Ticketmaster. You can find the schedule and more at junoawards.ca.

As if that weren't enough, you can shake a bit of frost off by checking out the annual Festival of Fools at The Forks starting today. We're talking clowns, magicians, jugglers, face-painting, circus and trapeze workshops and assorted tomfoolery. And it's (Gasp!) FREE!

Considering it's still cold, maybe you'd enjoy heading to the WAG tonight for an encore presentation of the World's Best Commercials. Tickets are $12 to $14 at wag.ca or the front desk.

In conclusion, Winter, the management committee wants to thank you for all the hard work you have put in this year. You have truly embodied the spirit of our Olympic motto: "We Are Winter!"

But we need to give Spring a chance to show her stuff. It's in the contract. And just in case you were wondering: No! We are not willing to pay you for all the overtime hours you have put in.

 

See you in November

Sincerely,

Management

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition March 29, 2014 A2

Fact Check

Fact Check

Have you found an error, or know of something we’ve missed in one of our stories?
Please use the form below and let us know.

* Required
  • Please post the headline of the story or the title of the video with the error.

  • Please post exactly what was wrong with the story.

  • Please indicate your source for the correct information.

  • Yes

    No

  • This will only be used to contact you if we have a question about your submission, it will not be used to identify you or be published.

  • Cancel

Having problems with the form?

Contact Us Directly
  • Print

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

Have Your Say

New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscribers only. why?

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press Subscribers only. why?

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010.

letters

Make text: Larger | Smaller

LATEST VIDEO

City Beautiful trailer: How architecture shaped Winnipeg's DNA

View more like this

Photo Store Gallery

  • Marc Gallant/Winnipeg Free Press. Local- Peregrine Falcon Recovery Project. Baby peregrine falcons. 21 days old. Three baby falcons. Born on ledge on roof of Radisson hotel on Portage Avenue. Project Coordinator Tracy Maconachie said that these are third generation falcons to call the hotel home. Maconachie banded the legs of the birds for future identification as seen on this adult bird swooping just metres above. June 16, 2004.
  • A monarch butterfly looks for nectar in Mexican sunflowers at Winnipeg's Assiniboine Park Monday afternoon-Monarch butterflys start their annual migration usually in late August with the first sign of frost- Standup photo– August 22, 2011   (JOE BRYKSA / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS)

View More Gallery Photos

Poll

Should Premier Greg Selinger resign?

View Results

View Related Story

Ads by Google