We are going to be blunt -- we do not feel like talking about the weather today, even though talking about the weather is pretty much the only reason this column exists.
We started feeling this way early Friday morning when we crawled out of bed, peered out the back door and discovered our lawn was coated with a blanket of wet snow.
Then we let our fluffy white dog, Mr. X, out back to perform his daily ablutions and, when we let him in about 10 minutes later, he was coated with a mucous-like layer of black muck from the bog-like conditions in the backyard.
However, seeing as how we are a crusading journalist and they will not actually pay us if we do not provide a thoughtful examination of current weather conditions, we are now going to launch into an in-depth examination of all things meteorological.
If you are waiting for full-blown spring, you are going to have to wait a little longer, because today is going to be a bit cloudy with a high of just 10 C, which is tolerable but still well below the normal high of 14 C at this time of year.
We're looking at more clouds on Sunday along with a 30 per cent chance of showers and a high of 11 C. There's more rain in the forecast for Monday and another insipid high of 11 C. If you can hang on until the end of the week, we'll be basking in sunny skies and highs creeping up to 17 C, which will warm your soul and, just possibly, burn your beak.
This is the point in the column where we tell you there is literally too much to do on the weekend, and most of the time we are lying through our teeth, but not today, because there are more cool activities this weekend than you can shake a mud-covered stick at.
For starters, car buffs can get their motors running today and Sunday at the Manitoba Street Rod Association's 15th annual Rondex Rodarama Car Show at the East End Arena in Transcona, 517 Pandora Ave. E. Admission is $10 and kids under 12 are free.
My buddy and colleague Paul "Willy's Garage" Williamson says both ice surfaces at the club will be packed with a spectacular selection of classic and special-interest vehicles, including a large number of pre-1949 modified street rods. In other words: vrrrrooooom!!!
But nothing says spring more than cute babies, especially cute baby animals, so I strongly suggest you make tracks for the Southdale Community Centre, 254 Lakewood Blvd. from noon to 3 p.m. Sunday for the eighth annual Spring Baby Shower and Fundraiser in support of the Wildlife Haven Rehabilitation Centre.
Along with a silent auction, bake sale and 50/50 draw, you can go nose-to-beak with the centre's feathered ambassadors, including Red, North America's oldest red-tailed hawk. You can also say hello to the MC, my buddy Beau from 99.9 Bob FM. He almost never bites. Admission is by silver collection, with all the cash going to help the hundreds of orphaned animals the haven receives every spring.
Someone more famous than us once said, "Living well is the best revenge," which sounds like an excellent reason for you to check out the 13th annual Winnipeg Wine Festival, which kicks off Sunday and runs until May 3, all in support of Special Olympics Manitoba.
The big fun for insufferable wine snots like us are the public tastings next Friday and Saturday, wherein over 8,000 local wine lovers will sample more than 500 wines from 130 wineries. Find tickets and more info at www.winnipegwinefestival.com or visit your local Liquor Mart.
What's a fine glass of wine without a little rock 'n' roll? We don't have a clue, but we still think you might want to head to Robert A. Steen Community Centre on Saturday from 12:30-4:30 p.m. for the Mood Disorders Association of Manitoba's open house to promote its Let It Out!: Summer Rock Camp for Teens. It's a chance to meet the program leaders and -- Get ready to rock! -- jam with local musicians. Young folks and their caregivers are welcome.
As if that wasn't enough, there's still time to check out Ciao! ChocolateFest 2014, a celebration of the world's favourite flavour at The Forks until April 30. We're talking chocolate kids crafts, chocolate finger-painting, a chocolate fountain and other stuff coated in a delicious layer of chocolate-y goodness.
We personally will be celebrating spring by giving Mr. X a bath, because that layer of mud coating his furry white body is starting to get pretty hard. It beats talking about the weather.