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Bartley Kives

About Bartley Kives:

Bartley Kives is a city hall reporter.

  • Pothole pratfall

    After 11 months of looking for someone to sponsor its pothole-patching program, the City of Winnipeg has concluded nobody wants to put their name on the side of a truck that splatters sticky, black goo into muddy little holes in the ground. This not-so-shocking news arrived last week, when Mayor Sam Katz's inner circle voted to "file" a 2009 request to develop a new pothole strategy -- which is city council jargon for burying a bad idea in a dark and lonely place where it will never be found again.

  • Go steep

    Putting me on a mountain bike is a lot like teenagers having sex: The absence of co-ordination is exceeded only by the surfeit of enthusiasm. Such was the scene the first time I visited Birch Ski Area, a picturesque network of cross-country ski trails and single track set in rolling glacial hills southwest of Roseisle.

  • Praise the pigeon

    On my way to the North End last week, I saw a bald eagle fly over the Slaw Rebchuk Bridge. A philosophical person might ponder the meaning of a majestic raptor soaring over the bleak, industrial Canadian Pacific Railway Yards.

  • Hero for the hungry

    A couple of weeks after the death of Louis Mathez, I feel compelled to say a few words about the man who ran downtown’s Wagon Wheel Lunch. This is not because I was a close acquaintance. I said hello on a couple of occasions and might have engaged him in a bit of small talk.

  • Olympic-sized hypocrisy

    According to something called the International Office of Epizootics, the nine-banded armadillo is the only creature capable of contracting leprosy other than a human being. Although this armoured insectivore is expanding its range across North America, it has yet to reach Canada and certainly hasn't started scrounging around for grubs in the fertile soils of the Fraser River Valley in beautiful British Columbia.

  • Olympics? Nah! Here we have the Riel thing

    Given what transpired in Vancouver on Friday night, it’s hard not to get overwhelmed with Canadian pride. This is a nation great enough to plop Wayne Gretzky in the back of a pickup truck. This is a nation capable of raising three out of four legs on a hydraulic cauldron.

  • Take one downtown, fill it with people

    The next time I hear  somebody say downtown Winnipeg’s revitalization depends on the construction of a supermarket, I’m going to call the logic police to come and drag the offending intellect away. Ditto the (impossible) relocation of an IKEA store from the industrial outskirts of Tuxedo to the upper floors of The Bay at Portage and Memorial. Or the construction of a downtown water park for Ty Tran and Mayor Sam Katz to enjoy.

  • Paranoid? I think not

    Back in the early 1950s, almost everyone in North America believed someone else was out to get them. The Americans were scared of Communists. Intellectuals were scared of being blacklisted by McCarthyists. And little kids were scared of having their brains sucked out by bug-eyed, bulbous-headed aliens, thanks to movies inspired by the paranoia of the times.

  • Monopoly and more

    Last week, I received a couple of emails from the City of Winnipeg urging me to do good things on behalf of humankind. On Tuesday, in a press release about a council contribution toward relief efforts in Haiti, Mayor Sam Katz encouraged me to donate cash to speed the flow of aid to earthquake victims and help the Caribbean nation rebuild.

  • Will this fly?

    In 2001, a police officer and a civilian pilot landed their helicopter in a dirt field outside a Krispy Kreme Doughnuts shop in Albuquerque, N.M., and picked up a box of double-glazed goodies.

  • Spliffy-looking torch, eh?

    If Canadians need something to feel proud about this winter, it's the sight of a giant spliff being handed from person to person along a 45,000- kilometre route encompassing 1,000 communities. Under the guise of something called an "Olympic torch," a metre-long, stainless steel joint designed by aerospace company Bombardier is making a 106- day trip across Canada on the way to Vancouver, where it will spark an enormous bowl -- cleverly disguised as an "Olympic cauldron" -- on Feb. 12.

  • Y2K bust set the tone

    At the beginning of this weird and not-so-wonderful decade, a bunch of nerds said the end of the world was sort of nigh. Elevators were supposed to plunge. Planes would fall out of the sky. Crappy IBM clones prone to spewing out error messages were going to spew out even more of them.

  • Stop the madness

    Back in 1963, Andy Williams recorded a little ditty about the winter holidays called It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. Almost half a century later, the easy-listening crooner has yet to pay for his cultural crimes, as the song he popularized became the foundation for the most oppressive sonic pastiche to ever assault the ears of humanity: The dreaded phalanx of Christmas tunes that batters every denizen of the western world at this consumer-mad time of the year.

  • Wake-up call dims holiday spirit

    If there's one city council meeting where nothing serious is supposed to happen, it's the final gathering of the year. In the middle of December, after the capital budget has been put to bed, members of council are more concerned with Christmas parties than the intricacies of legislation and have no desire to joust with each other.

  • Giant mistake

    When you type “say no to gangs” into the search engine on the province of Manitoba’s website, you get a curious suggestion.
    “Did you mean, ‘say no to giants?’ ” it asks. Why, of course. I’m always being pushed around by giants.

  • Go go gadget

    To a withered rump of Winnipeggers who still follow every move Glen Murray makes, the dude’s decision to run for office again inspires a trip down memory lane. The former Winnipeg mayor, failed Charleswood MP and wannabe Toronto Centre MLA will always be remembered in ’Peg City as a big talker who promoted ideas like a downtown-first policy and the ill-fated New Deal.

  • Go, Alouettes!

    Well before the days when Canadian football ratings skyrocketed and TSN broadcast every game, the Grey Cup was way more popular than the Canadian Football League itself. This was supposed to be due to the fact Canadians will take any excuse to get loaded. But the reality is, those of us who drink don’t need an excuse.

  • Land bid raises questions on ballpark's parking deal

    Earlier this month, councillors gathered behind closed doors to hear who answered the city's call to build a water park with the help of a $7-million grant. They learned the sole respondent to Winnipeg's second attempt to give away water-park cash wants to build a luxury hotel on a vacant, city-owned gravel parking lot at the southwest corner of Waterfront Drive and William Stephenson Way.

  • Arena not a panacea

    Have you ever tried to fix a car by baking banana muffins? Faced with a flooded basement, would you consider solving the problem by reading Spider-Man comics?

  • City hall’s Selinger factor

    A couple of Fridays ago, a group of youngish NDP members gathered at a downtown pub to hold a send-off party for a former city hall employee named Mathieu Allard. Since 2006, Allard had been working as the executive assistant for St. Boniface Coun. Dan Vandal, an active NDP member who’s good friends with another St. Boniface politician — Manitoba Premier Greg Selinger.

  • A wave of optimism

    Seeing as Winnipeg struggles with a housing crisis, a crime problem and a shortage of cash for rapid transit, road repairs and sewage upgrades, it makes perfect sense one of the most contentious issues in town is the need to build a big, bright room full of waterslides, wave pools and lazy rivers. For the past two years, Winnipeggers have watched with a mix of bemusement and bewilderment as the city has tried, failed and tried again to give away $7 million to someone, anyone who might be willing to build a 70,000-square-foot water park -- an amenity Mayor Sam Katz believes will make 'Peg City a more exciting place to live, work and wear a Speedo.

  • Park your expectations

    As much as I love every idiosyncratic individual who lives in this weird little, weather-beaten town, I have to wonder where Winnipeggers get their bizarre ideas about parking. People who are born and raised in this place seem to believe it’s their God-given right to drive up to the front of any restaurant, retail store or doctor’s office and immediately find a free and convenient place to park, as if walking a few metres would constitute some form of undue hardship and dropping a loonie or two in a pay station will force them to stop contributing to their retirement plans.

  • Park your expectations

    As much as I love every idiosyncratic individual who lives in this weird little, weather-beaten town, I have to wonder where Winnipeggers get their bizarre ideas about parking.

    People who are born and raised in this place seem to believe it's their God-given right to drive up to the front of any restaurant, retail store or doctor's office and immediately find a free and convenient place to park, as if walking a few metres would constitute some form of undue hardship and dropping a loonie or two in a pay station will force them to stop contributing to their retirement plans.

  • Toddlin' town

    CHICAGO -- Spend a few hours walking among the skyscrapers strung across the centre of The Windy City, and you quickly realize Winnipeg never deserved to call itself Chicago of the North. At the turn of the 20th century, Winnipeg acquired this dubious nickname when the railway boom brought our city a semblance of Chicago's prosperity.

  • Just ignore it

    Way back in the deep, dark depths of the 1990s, an old friend named Roland Gatin called me up depressed after a day at work as a teaching assistant in Beausejour. Rollie, an exceedingly gentle dude with a vaguely hippie-ish outlook on life, was upset some of the kids who lined up to have their faces painted at a school carnival wanted to have the Nike swoosh emblazoned across their visages instead of being done up as lions or cats or werewolves or whatever little kids are supposed to want to be.

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