About Doug Speirs:

Doug Speirs is a Free Press columnist.

• I'm voting with Stoffer for tax-deductible golf

  Just when you are starting to lose hope for the future, just when you think federal politicians have completely lost touch with the needs of the average Canadian, along comes someone like NDP MP Peter Stoffer. I'm guessing you have never heard of Peter Stoffer before. Well, neither had I -- at least not until the other day when I read a shocking Postmedia News story about his heroic crusade and saw him being interviewed live on CBC TV as I lay on the couch trying to retrieve my remote control from the floor using only Jedi mind-control powers.

  View Full Column | 02/6/2012 1:00 AM | 0

• Your Weekend Weather

  A thick bank of fog cloaked the city as Sherlock Holmes and his faithful sidekick, Dr. Watson, strode briskly along the narrow cobbled streets and made their way to the front door of an ancient Victorian mansion. Before they could knock, the door creaked open and their old friend, Insp. Lestrade of Scotland Yard, ushered them inside and up a creaking flight of stairs to a dingy room at the back of the eerie building.

  View Full Column | 02/4/2012 1:00 AM | 0

• Football not just bunch of tight ends

  There are only two more sleeps until Super Bowl Sunday, the day on which football fans traditionally gather to celebrate one of the world's most culturally significant sporting events by seeing who can create the largest nacho cheese stain on their host's living room carpet. The important thing for serious fans to remember is that, when kickoff time arrives, you want to be surrounded by a classy group of friends, elegant furnishings, gourmet snacks and a television that is thinner than Paris Hilton but with a total viewing area the size of a battleship.

  View Full Column | 02/3/2012 1:00 AM | 0

• Hey, look at me!! I'm flying!!!

  If you've seen me lurching around Safeway and bouncing off the canned goods, then you know I've been a little bit more jittery than lately usual. This is partly because I'm nervous about the sorry state of the global economy, but mostly because I'm jacked to the gills on caffeine.

  View Full Column | 02/1/2012 1:00 AM | 0

• I'm going for a walk, and I'm inviting you

  Being a fitness-conscious individual of the male gender, there is nothing I enjoy more than getting bundled up in several metric tonnes of stylish down-filled winter clothing and going for a refreshing walk outside. Well, if we are going to be brutally honest with each other, it's possible I enjoy lying on the couch, eating greasy, snack-related items and spending an entire weekend watching professional sports on TV just a little bit more.

  View Full Column | 01/30/2012 1:00 AM | 0

• Your Weekend Weather

  Grab your hankies, folks, because it's time for another heart-tugging instalment of Weather Forecasting With Celebrities. Today's moving celebrity forecast comes courtesy of my good buddy, Tom Milroy, a longtime radio icon who on Friday morning made his farewell appearance on the Fab 94.3 morning show with pals Beau and Frazier.

  View Full Column | 01/28/2012 1:00 AM | 0

• So... I probably have some apologizing to do

  Before we get to today's topic, which is how you can help support a wonderful charity event, I need to issue another formal apology. I offended a large portion of the Scottish community in a column I wrote for Robbie Burns Day in which I described conducting a taste test on a can of "haggis" -- sheep's innards mixed with oatmeal and onions and then boiled in a sheep's stomach -- and stated the only members of my family who enjoyed it were my two dogs.

  View Full Column | 01/27/2012 1:00 AM | 0

• It's haggis the horrible time

  Get ready to be excited, because it's Robbie Burns Day, the sacred day when Scottish persons around the world stop arguing long enough to celebrate the birth of a poet whose works most of us have never read and who, as far as anyone knows, is currently dead. The highlight of this celebration is a traditional dinner wherein people of Scottish heritage put on their kilts, pretend to tune up their bagpipes and feast on the national dish of Scotland, by which I mean haggis, which is technically a "pudding," but more like a mutant sausage with a frightening resemblance to a huge garden slug.

  View Full Column | 01/25/2012 1:00 AM | 0

• Drunks and a movie -- a sobering thought

  Now that they've wrestled the economy to the ground, our political leaders have finally found the courage to tackle an even more pressing issue, namely giving moviegoers the right to enjoy alcohol as they watch the latest Hollywood blockbusters. Unless you've been passed out on the couch for the last couple of weeks, you will recall the province and the liquor commission recently amended our liquor rules to pave the way for a major movie exhibitor to serve booze in three adults-only VIP screening rooms in the works at a local multiplex.

  View Full Column | 01/23/2012 1:00 AM | 0

• Your Weekend Weather

  Hand me a tissue, Winnipeg, because I'm feeling a touch emotional this morning. The Weather Column is feeling this way because I am so very proud of each and every one of you.

  View Full Column | 01/21/2012 1:00 AM | 0

• Creepy Santa's gone!

  It's the kind of horrific crime you (and when I say "you," I am referring to "me") never think will happen to you. It is hard, using mere words, to express the range of emotions one (and when I say "one," I again mean "me") experiences when a beloved family member is kidnapped.

  View Full Column | 01/20/2012 1:00 AM | 0

• The African Libraries Lady

  In the crowded basement of Kathy Knowles' three-storey River Heights home, parked beside an ancient furnace, flanked by rows of cross-country ski poles, paint cans and hockey sticks, sit dozens and dozens of neatly stacked cardboard boxes. Inside these boxes rest thousands of brightly coloured books, most written by Knowles, many with photographs of children smiling joyously on the covers, all destined to promote the cause of literacy in Africa.

  View Full Column | 01/18/2012 9:11 AM | 0

• My insides will be riding up, down and around

  On Friday morning, I was sitting in my office cubicle punching out an educational and entertaining column wherein I likened our recent spate of wildly undulating winter weather to a roller-coaster ride. To bring the comparison to life, I bravely shared the tragic memory of how I was scarred as an 11-year-old kid in Vancouver when I took my first ride on a nauseating roller-coaster just moments after stuffing my face with spaghetti and meatballs.

  View Full Column | 01/16/2012 1:00 AM | 0

• Your Weekend Weather

  Remember when you were an obnoxious kid and your parents took you to the amusement park and, even though they didn't think it was such a great idea, they let you ride the giant roller-coaster? I personally will never forget my first spleen-rending coaster ride at the Pacific National Exhibition in Vancouver because it took place almost immediately after I'd consumed a huge spaghetti dinner.

  View Full Column | 01/14/2012 1:00 AM | 0

• Fear not Friday the 13th

  For anyone who doesn't own a calendar, a computer or a newspaper, I am going to perform a valuable public service and point out that today is Friday the 13th. This is the day when calm and rational people traditionally put on crash helmets and refuse to leave their homes because they do not want to have black cats cross their paths, walk under ladders or risk breaking a mirror, which would result in either seven years of bad luck or pointy silver shards becoming lodged in their spleens.

  View Full Column | 01/13/2012 1:00 AM | 0

• It's in our fridges, but what exactly is it?

  I developed a serious environmental concern this morning after I rolled out of bed, put on my ratty green bathrobe, and began rooting around in our refrigerator. There, lurking behind a container of congealed gravy and the grisly remains of what was once a holiday turkey, I discovered something that strikes fear into the heart of every homeowner at this time of year.

  View Full Column | 01/9/2012 1:00 AM | 0

• Your weekend weather

  I hate to be a Nattering Nabob of Negativity this early in the new year, kids, but I can't help myself. You know what I'm talking about, Winnipeg. This simply isn't right. This is not the way we Winnipeggers roll, if you catch my weather-related drift.The evidence is impossible to ignore: People are wandering around outside in their shirt sleeves, laughing and smiling, barbecuing in the back yard. What the (very bad word) is wrong with you, Winnipeg?

  View Full Column | 01/7/2012 3:22 AM | 0

• Doug Speirs' New Year's guide to all things hip and hot

  OK, kids, I'd like you to put this newspaper down for a moment, stagger into your bathroom, stare in the mirror, and ask your reflection an extremely difficult question. The question is this: Are you ready to face the new year?

  View Full Column | 01/6/2012 1:00 AM | 0

• World loses a true legend

  I was lying in bed over the holidays, enjoying the last few moments of sleep the way a normal person enjoys a big, juicy steak, when, suddenly and without warning, my wife burst into our bedroom. I was groggy and confused, but the primitive part of my brain where guys of my gender keep our innermost feelings warned me she probably had bad news to share.

  View Full Column | 01/4/2012 1:00 AM | 0

• Your weekend weather

  It's Christmas Eve, a traditional time when we look deep in our hearts and ask ourselves a burning question from one of the greatest holiday movies of all time. The question: Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do ya?

  View Full Column | 12/24/2011 1:00 AM | 0

• Ode to the male shopper

  'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the mall Not a woman was shopping, not a single one at all

  View Full Column | 12/23/2011 1:00 AM | 0

• Sign of the (yule) times

  It's a Winnipeg Christmas landmark, a holiday icon almost everyone in this city has ogled at one time or another. It's warmed the cockles of my festive little heart every Christmas for as far back as I can remember.

  View Full Column | 12/21/2011 1:00 AM | 0

• Dogs' misbehaviour a disturbing trend

  It was the kind of tragedy no homeowner wants to deal with at this festive time of year. My wife and I had just returned home from Christmas shopping and, when we walked in the front door, we were confronted by a horrifying sight.

  View Full Column | 12/19/2011 1:00 AM | 0

• Your Weekend Weather

  OK, kids, pull on your goofy holiday sweaters, put down your eggnog and get ready to sing along with Doug. Today, instead of our usual accurate and informative weekend weather forecast, we are going to make a joyful noise by belting out a brand-new Christmas carol Uncle Doug has written just for you. It goes a little something like this:

  View Full Column | 12/17/2011 1:00 AM | 0

• I make a terrific Swedish gnome

  Maybe it's the magic of Christmas, but I am giving serious thought to abandoning my life as a crusading newspaper columnist in exchange for a thrilling life in the theatre. I am pondering this career change because of the glowing reviews I received over the weekend when, due to a last-minute dramatic crisis, I was forced to step into a starring role in the Swedish community's annual Christmas pageant at the Scandinavian Cultural Centre.

  View Full Column | 12/16/2011 1:00 AM | 0

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