Doug Speirs

  • So (un)happy together

    It was almost a burger marriage made in heaven. For a few brief moments on Wednesday we dreamed of sinking our teeth into a McWhopper, a hybrid mashup of the Big Mac and the Whopper that would be sold for one day in one city to promote International Peace Day on Sept. 21.
  • Walk, don't run, to middle-aged glory

    Like many middle-aged Canadian couch potatoes, I have a new sports hero this morning. I know you think I'm talking about Canadian sprint sensation Andre De Grasse -- the 20-year-old kid from Markham, Ont., who tied for the bronze medal in the 100 metres Sunday at the world track and field championships in Beijing with a personal best 9.92 seconds -- but you could not be more wrong.
  • Speiriscope: most momentous mice

    Trending that caught Doug’s eye

    There's a simple reason why humans have so much trouble catching mice — the rodents are a lot smarter than they are.

  • Wasps love to hurt me; that stings

    Not that anyone asked, but here is the current list of things that terrify me: 1) Bears;
  • Reunion a smashing success

    I don't wish to stir up a hornet's nest on the home front, but my wife, She Who Must Not Be Named, made a remarkably bad decision last weekend. You are going to be shocked to hear this, but she decided I had to accompany her to a reunion of her best friends from the high school she attended 40 years ago.
  • Doug Speirs tackles famous feuds

    Is it just us, or is everyone having trouble keeping track of the latest celebrity feuds?

    If you need help keeping score, you’ll be interested to know the feud between Canadian rapper Drake and American rival Meek Mill is getting nastier.

  • Trending that caught Doug's eye

    Is it just us, or is everyone having trouble keeping track of the latest celebrity feuds? If you need help keeping score, you'll be interested to know the feud between Canadian rapper Drake and American rival Meek Mill is getting nastier.
  • Nose hairs problem for middle-aged men

    If you have ever seen me wandering around the frozen-food aisle at the local supermarket or taken a hard look at the mug shot accompanying this column, you will know I have a deep commitment to personal grooming. I’m not what you would call a fashion plate and typically look like an unmade bed when I leave the house, but I start every day staring at my puffy face in the mirror to ensure a third arm has not grown out of my forehead overnight.
  • Beer test can help you decide who to vote for

    As a crusading journalist and guardian of democracy, I frequently sit down to pick my buddy Bob's brains to see if he has any ideas worth stealing. Along with being my buddy, Bob is my boss and he's also the smartest guy I know.
  • Big-league bogus

    We're confident that Coca-Cola is still "the Real Thing," but we're having serious doubts about everything else. Our suspicions have been ratcheted up because of two multimillion-dollar counterfeiting operations that have just been exposed in China.
  • Now you can join me on 'the Twitter'

    You might not realize it from looking at the picture of me attached to this column, but I have a lot in common with legendary American billionaire Warren Buffett. No, I don't give away billions of dollars to charity every year and, no, millions of people around the globe do not hang on my every utterance, but, just like Buffett, I am on Twitter.
  • The last holdout in Winnipeg finally joins "The Twitters"

    You might not realize it from looking at the picture of me attached to this column, but I have a lot in common with legendary American billionaire Warren Buffett. No, I don’t give away billions of dollars to charity every year and, no, millions of people around the globe do not hang on my every utterance, but, just like Buffett, I am on Twitter.
  • Do mortgages, supermarkets mix?

    Before settling down to write another informative and educational column the other day, I hopped in the car and drove to a nearby grocery store to buy some nutritious food items. After loading my basket with chocolate milk, mango-flavoured lemonade, miniature doughnuts and an industrial-sized Snickers bar, I stood in the checkout line, solemnly pondering the impact these purchases would have on my blood-sugar level.
  • Protecting people from themselves

    Every once in a while, I like to use this column in a sincere and humanitarian effort to make the world a safer place for each and every one of us. That is why today I am calling on the federal government to immediately attach warning signs to everything, especially the toaster in my kitchen that is actively spewing flames.
  • Tribute to Seuss as new book due

    Even if you've never been to Mulberry Street or Whoville, you'll be thrilled to hear a new book by Dr. Seuss is set to hit shelves more than two decades after the death of the legendary children's author and illustrator. The book, What Pet Should I Get?, is based on manuscripts and illustrations found in a box (No, they did not find them with a fox) donated to the University of California, San Diego.
  • Big to-do over my dog's doo

    Note to sensitive readers: If you are easily offended by the word "poop," I suggest you skip today's column and flip to something more edifying, such as the comics.  
  • Terrifying treats that caught Doug's eye

    It takes a lot of heart to become a star in the National Hockey League. We assume that biological fact was on the mind of Washington Capitals prospect Stanislav Galiev when he pumped himself up by chowing down on a slithering snack during a recent trip to Vietnam.
  • Pop culture's top robots

    These are exciting times for people who love watching innocent robots fight to the death in armed combat. For instance, a sixth season of BattleBots, wherein nerdy techies wage war with remote-controlled machines in a booby-trapped arena in an elimination-style tournament, has just premièred on ABC to favourable reviews.
  • Rewriting Jaws for today's generation

    If you've been hiding in an inflatable wading pool for the past 12 months, we are currently celebrating the 40th anniversary of Steven Spielberg's iconic summer movie, Jaws. This thrilling film, wherein a ravenous great white shark treats a New England resort town like its private snack buffet, scared me so badly when I was a kid that I refused to get in the bathtub on the grounds a long, thin shark might squeeze its way through the faucet.
  • Denmark using festival-goers' urine to produce beer

    What with being a heroic environmental crusader, I am always on the lookout for pioneering organizations that are bravely converting bodily wastes into products that make the world a better place for each and every one of us. For instance, regular readers will recall a groundbreaking column I wrote nine years ago in which I applauded San Francisco for becoming the first city in North America to harness the power of poop.
  • The cats' pyjamas

    What, with being an "Outstanding Local Personality," I am frequently invited to climb off the couch in my den and venture out into the community to judge things I know nothing about. As regular readers are already aware, over the years I have been called on to judge everything from senior citizens' talent competitions to culinary contests involving everything from cheesecakes and chicken wings to elaborately decorated cakes and fruit smoothies.
  • A tale guaranteed to make you yawn

    It just swept over me out of the blue. It was Saturday afternoon and I was relaxing in a chair at the hair salon I've been going to for the past 20 years when, suddenly and without warning, I felt an overpowering urge rising from deep within my body.
  • Troubling fashion trends

    We've all been fashion victims from time to time, but this poor woman was almost a fashion fatality. We're referring to a 35-year-old Australian woman who made headlines around the world after spending four days in hospital with muscle damage, swelling and nerve blockages in her legs thanks to a rather unusual health hazard -- a pair of skinny jeans.
  • I could bear-ly contain myself at the zoo

    I suspect, what with the Senate spending scandal and the wildfires in Saskatchewan and the FIFA Women's World Cup, many of you are champing at the bit to hear about my recent trip to the zoo. I am probably the last person in this city to visit the renowned Journey to Churchill exhibit, but the problem is Assiniboine Park Zoo is easily a 10-minute walk from my house, so it requires some serious effort to get me off the couch.
  • Time for changing of the barbecue guard

    I was pounding out another ground-breaking column on my home computer the day before Canada Day when, suddenly and without warning, someone knocked on our front door. It was a team of thickly muscled guys from Home Depot who were -- prepare to be both impressed and extremely jealous -- delivering my brand-new, state-of-the-art propane barbecue.

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