Doug Speirs

  • Not seeing is believing

    If you're searching for reasons to envy me -- other than the fact I possess most of my own teeth along with TV newscaster-quality hair -- you're in luck. Earlier this week, armed only with a fork and my rat-like cunning, I chomped my way to victory in a hotly contested spaghetti-eating contest in support of CNIB Manitoba.
  • Men's mouth-watering love of shiny things explained

    I have come to the conclusion guys have a lot in common with crows. It's not that we are harbingers of doom, although that may be true of certain guys. I'm talking to you, Justin Bieber and Rob Ford.
  • Diabetic cats require dedication from owners

    This may sound odd, but I have a lot in common with Rachael Herscovitch's pet cat. I suffer from Type 2 diabetes, the fastest-growing chronic disease in the world.
  • Trending that caught Doug's eye... one-finger salutes

    Hotshot National Football League rookie Johnny Manziel has never had a hard time tackling media attention. The 2013 Heisman Trophy winner -- known far and wide as "Johnny Football" -- has landed in hot water more than a few times for his questionable behaviour off the field.
  • Your weekend weather

    If your basement didn't flood during Thursday night's torrential downpour, don't worry. There's enough rain in the forecast over the next few days to give everyone's sump pump a workout that would turn Noah green with envy.
  • California quake rocked my world

    This is a hard thing for me to admit -- I may no longer be worthy to drink from my favourite coffee mug. I'm talking about the mug with the chip on the lip, the one that has the words World's Greatest Dad cheerfully emblazoned on the side, although it gets harder to read every time it comes out of the dishwasher.
  • Superior judgment reigns on Winnipeg roadways

    I have a confession to make -- I am an excellent driver. Based on the superior judgment you have displayed by deciding to read today's informative and educational column, it is obvious you are an excellent driver, too.
  • The doctor's diagnosis is in: I'm a rust bucket

    I was stretched out in one of those medical-style reclining chairs Tuesday, staring up at the ceiling while the foot doctor frowned at the appendages attached to the ends of my legs. He was buzzing away with a medical-grade belt sander, grinding away lumps of callous that did not resemble human feet, when he felt compelled to offer an insightful medical observation.
  • Itsy-bitsy spider had murder in its eyes

    As part of my new commitment to oral hygiene, I staggered into our bathroom Saturday morning with the firm intention of brushing my teeth. There I was, rubbing sleep from my eyes, dreaming about the first cup of coffee of the day, slowly reaching out my right hand, when, suddenly and without warning...
  • Trending that caught Doug's eye: Comic curse

    The world is a much sadder place without Robin Williams in it. The beloved comedian and actor's iconic stream-of-consciousness ramblings were silenced forever this week when he hanged himself with a belt in a bedroom in his San Francisco Bay Area home.
  • Weekend Weather

    As part of our ongoing commitment to higher education, we are going to kick off today's weekend weather forecast with a pop quiz. Q: How many of you remember the polar vortex? A: Everyone remembers the (bad word) polar vortex, the icy beast that squatted over the Prairies and brought us the coldest winter in more than 100 years.
  • My complete guide to being a modern hipster

    I can tell by the super-cool way you are reading today's column that you are wondering how to become a modern hipster, just like me. I began ruminating on increasing the general public's hipness quotient yesterday morning when I glanced in my email inbox and found a news release from a public relations firm entitled Why It's Cool to be Cool Again.
  • Sweaty, but safe

    I am delighted to report, thanks to new security procedures, Canadian air travellers have nothing to fear from overweight, middle-aged terrorists who perspire like Mike Tyson at a Grade 3 spelling bee. I made this damp discovery after being subjected to an intense level of scrutiny from eagle-eyed airport security personnel recently when I flew to the West Coast for a two-week holiday with my wife, She Who Must Not Be Named.
  • Trending that caught Doug's eye: Famous babies

    By all accounts, Prince George of Cambridge's first birthday party was a low-key affair. The little prince was quietly feted at the family home in Kensington Palace as his parents, William and Kate, do their best to shield their son, dubbed "Gorgeous George" in newspaper headlines, from the media glare.
  • Your weekend weather

    Grab a frosty beverage and a can of mosquito repellent, because it's time for your final weekend weather forecast for the exceedingly humid month of July. Here's the good news: The outlook calls for sunny skies, tropical temperatures, gentle breezes sweeping down from snow-capped mountains and glorious sunshine glinting off rolling waves as otters and orcas paddle around for your amusement.
  • When it comes to getting a few laughs, I've got the scoop

    I hate to brag, but I spend a lot of time thinking about poop. This is partly because I am a crusading newspaper columnist defending the public's right to know.
  • That empty (nest) feeling

    Our neighbour Yvonne dropped by the other night for a glass of wine and asked what we are going to do when our daughter leaves home. It might have been a trick of the light, but my wife seemed a little misty-eyed as she pondered the question.
  • Wiener dog a wonder at weight loss

    IF losing weight were an Olympic sport, my miniature wiener dog Zoe would take the gold medal. I hate to boast, but the pounds have been steadily melting off our official "spokes-dog" since we kicked off the Pet Valu Fit Pet Project, a monthly series examining overweight and obese pets.
  • Kitchen cure

    There's nothing like a little home cooking to cure what ails you. Just ask Penny Maletic, who credits homemade pet food for giving her severely allergic, overweight dog, a 10-year-old Bichon Frise named Teddy, a new lease on life.
  • Blowing up bad music an explosive idea

    I'm in no danger of being awarded one of those genius grants, but I know a brilliant idea when I hear it. And the decision by a minor-league baseball club in South Carolina to demolish the music and merchandise of Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus in an on-field explosion after their game on Saturday night was (bad word) brilliant.
  • Historic homers

    In football, the crowds go wild when a quarterback cocks his rocket-launcher arm and flings a long bomb. In basketball, fans freak out when a power forward shatters a backboard with a thunderous slam dunk.
  • Your weekend weather

    A chilling newspaper flyer was delivered to the Weather Column's door last week. "Brrrrr!" shivered the flyer, which featured three delicious-looking frosty tequila cocktails on its cover. "Remember the polar vortex?" Remember the (bad word) polar vortex? Really, cheeky little flyer? Oh, yeah, we remember the polar vortex! We'd like to forget it, but unfortunately that portion of our brain is still frozen solid thanks to the worst winter in more than 100 years.
  • The dog and his noisy duck are quack-ers

    When it comes to the delicate process of writing a professional newspaper column, it is essential ... "WAK! WAK! WAK! WAK! WAK! WAK! WAK! WAK! WAK!"
  • No holiday for hunger -- help out

    Attention Safeway shoppers: Extra-large Dougs are on special today. In fact, it's a two-for-one sale. That's what you would have heard Tuesday at the Linden Ridge Safeway, because Blue Bomber legend Doug Brown, who spent his Hall of Fame career terrorizing opposing quarterbacks, and I, a columnist who has spent his career terrorizing bacon-cheeseburgers, were called off the bench to kick off the grocery chain's first-ever Summer Food Drive in support of Winnipeg Harvest.
  • Folk Fest leaves the hubby home alone

    Just like every summer, I was abandoned by my family last weekend. My wife, She Who Must Not Be Named, and my daughter, She Who Does Not Want Me To Enter Her Room Ever For Any Reason, put on their tie-dye T-shirts and Birkenstock sandals and bravely ventured out into nature to dodge raindrops and lightning bolts and get their mellow groove on at the Winnipeg Folk Festival.


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