Doug Speirs

  • Only two more sleeps till election day

    Prepare to experience an empty feeling in the depths of your soul, a hollow place in the pit of your stomach that will not go away, even if you eat several slices of pizza. I'm saying this because a reliable source (editor's note: He's talking about his wife) has just advised me we have only two more sleeps before the big civic election.
  • Trending that caught Doug's eye: Memorable quitters

    When it comes to quitting your job, some people know how to walk away with dignity and class. But Gary Keating is definitely not "some people." If that name rings a bell, it's because Keating made headlines across Canada last week when he quit his job -- excuse us while we activate the caps lock feature on our keyboard -- BEFORE HE'D EVEN STARTED!
  • Cap'n Doug delivers arrr weekend weather

    Avast, ye scurvy bilge rats, Cap'n Doug be happy as a drunken clam t' announce he's got some mighty fine weather news t' share with all o' ye lily-livered landlubbers this fine morning. And the Cap'n suspects t' rest o' you chowder heads will be speakin' just like him as soon as ye use your smartphones to scan the Blippar symbol attached to this here column, or visit winnipegfreepress.com to cast yer eyeballs on our latest weekend weather video.
  • What's in a name, anyway?

    My aging brain and I were wandering around the Delta Winnipeg the other night at a charity gala in support of Winnipeg Harvest. It was the annual Empty Bowls Celebrity Auction, wherein ceramic bowls decorated and autographed by everyone from Harrison Ford to Chris Hadfield go on the block to raise thousands of dollars for our city's food bank.
  • Snug as a bug getting hugged on a rug

    As any modern father can tell you, dealing with a daughter is a lot like walking blindfolded through a minefield -- the slightest misstep can result in a potentially lethal explosion. When a modern father commits an unforgivable parental transgression, such as breathing too loudly during a rerun of Gilmore Girls, there is an excellent chance his daughter will shriek "YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE!" before storming away and slamming the door to her room.
  • Plane trips can be ruff on pets

    Reader Doreen Pendgracs has raised a serious concern for high-flying pet owners. In an email to the Pet Page, Pendgracs said she will be flying to British Columbia for a month-long vacation and is planning to take her beloved cat along for the ride.
  • Trending that caught Doug's eye: Canadian rail disasters

    As train derailments go, it was something to see. Last Tuesday, a 100-car CN freight train carrying dangerous goods derailed in central Saskatchewan, sending plumes of thick black smoke billowing into the sky and forcing residents of a nearby hamlet to flee.
  • Weekend Weather

    It's almost Thanksgiving, and we have some awesome turkey tips to share with you, but first we need to spend a few moments thinking deep thoughts about your holiday weekend weather. For starters, here's your official Thanksgiving Day forecast: "A 100 per cent chance you will (a) overcook your turkey to the point where its skin will be tougher than Chuck Norris, or (b) undercook your bird so badly your loved ones will be chased around the dining room table by salmonella bacteria the size of CFL linemen."
  • Weekend Weather

    It's almost Thanksgiving, and we have some awesome turkey tips to share with you, but first we need to spend a few moments thinking deep thoughts about your holiday weekend weather. For starters, here's your official Thanksgiving Day forecast: "A 100 per cent chance you will (a) overcook your turkey to the point where its skin will be tougher than Chuck Norris, or (b) undercook your bird so badly your loved ones will be chased around the dining room table by salmonella bacteria the size of CFL linemen."
  • Buddha of Bacon talks turkey

    If I believe anything with my heart and soul, I believe this -- Nothing in the world cannot be vastly improved with the addition of bacon. As regular readers are aware, my name has become synonymous with these crispy strips of unadulterated deliciousness.
  • My turn? I'll take Bobby Orr!

    I am feeling pretty gosh darn Canadian this morning. (Editor's Note: Doug is telling the truth. You have to be Canadian to use a lame phrase such as "gosh darn.")
  • What's good for the goose is good for the gander

    I don't know what you did for fun Saturday night, but I spent the evening standing outside in the cold, shivering uncontrollably, with my neck craned at a painful angle as I stared into a bleak, overcast sky. It's not what I'd planned to do. What I'd planned to do was spend the evening lying on the couch in our warm den, staring at the football game on our big-screen TV and using my Jedi mind-control powers to compel my wife, She Who Must Not Be Named, to fetch me beer and grease-intensive snacks during the commercials.
  • Trending that caught Doug's eye... White House intruders

    If you've been thinking about dropping by the White House for a visit, you might want to before tighter security measures kick in. That should be happening soon in the wake of the latest uninvited guest to unexpectedly pop into what is supposed to be one of the most secure buildings in the world.
  • Your weekend weather

    Here's a question for you -- Have you ever looked naked fear directly in the face? Well, have you? Chances are you haven't, but you can do it right now simply by using your smartphone to scan the Blippar symbol attached to this column, or by visiting winnipegfreepress.com to check out our latest weekend weather video.
  • Victory songs from the strong

    I used to go to rock concerts back in the day, partly because I enjoyed listening to music so loud it would cause my ears to bleed, but mostly because my fevered adolescent brain believed it was the best way to meet girls. Today, my wife doesn't allow me to meet girls, but I go to concerts to see whether aging members of the old bands are still able to crawl around the stage in form-fitting Spandex pants, and because I get a kick out of counting the wrinkles on the other hip-and-happening audience members.
  • Embarrassment runs in family

    Every once in a while, someone will approach me in the frozen-food aisle at the local grocery store and ask whether there is a column so (bad word) embarrassing I regret writing it in the first place. Which is when I invariably tell them about the time I wrote about the ingenious system I invented for washing my hair in the morning after I tore my Achilles tendon and was forced to wear a cast I was not allowed to get wet.
  • Winning at losing

    We hate to wag our own tail, but we think we deserve the trophy for best in show. In the nine months since the Free Press launched the Fit Pet Project, a monthly series examining the epidemic of overweight and obese pets, dozens and dozens of readers have joined our online fitness pack.
  • Pants emergency before big event

    You are no doubt wondering how I made out the other night in the big Celebrity Cook-off, and we will get to that in a few minutes. But first we need to discuss the crisis that unfolded in my bedroom as I bravely attempted to get dressed for the third annual charity battle at the Caboto Centre.
  • The supersized schnoz

    T. rex may have had the most magnificent chompers in the prehistoric world, but he's definitely getting nosed out by a recently discovered dinosaur. Scientists have stumbled on the remains of a 75-million-year-old, 30-foot hadrosaur -- a plant-eating, duck-billed dinosaur -- with a snout so huge it's been dubbed Rhinorex condrupus, or "King Nose."
  • Weekend weather

    Before we get to the part of the column where we talk about the weather and fun things to do on the weekend, I need to share a warm and fuzzy story that is vaguely fall-related. Friday morning, I was invited to be the guest speaker at the St. James Assiniboia 55+ Centre's big pancake breakfast.
  • Fall: when a squirrel's thoughts turn to homicide

    With the arrival of fall, I am keeping a close eye on the trees in my backyard. There are several reasons I am doing this. For starters, I am currently locked in a war with a squirrel that possesses a nasty attitude and an impressive throwing arm for a creature roughly the size of a baked potato.
  • Food fight, armed with love

    When my partner and I step onto the battlefield Thursday night, we will be armed with the ultimate secret weapon. Call me an irresponsible fool with fire in his eyes and a full head of naturally curly hair if you must, but that weapon is... love!
  • Bath-time battle a tub of war

    I was never any good at math, but I'm pretty sure there are two kinds of people in this world. I have given this some serious thought and, based on my experience, the world is divided into:
  • Hope for homeless

    For a sleep-out, there wasn't a lot of sleeping going on. On an unseasonably warm Thursday night, about 160 of the city's movers and shakers trudged through downtown streets to get a small glimpse of what life is like for Winnipeg's homeless.
  • Your Weekend Weather

    Grab a box of tissues and prepare to get misty-eyed, because this is our final weekend weather column featuring my good buddy Dale Marciski from Environment Canada. For the past five years, Dale has been the voice of sanity in this space, balancing my efforts to remain 100 per cent fact-free with his solid scientific weather predictions, coupled with some really cheesy jokes.

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