Miss Lonelyhearts

  • Good idea to leave town to escape ex-girlfriend

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My best friend is getting married to my ex-girlfriend. I was in a serious relationship with her for a year. We still remained friends, and for a while we had a "friends with benefits" thing going on. I feel like all my relationships, since breaking up with her, have not worked out because I still love her. I recently expressed my feelings for her. She told me that she didn't love me the same way I love her. I told my best friend that I still had feelings for my ex (his bride-to-be), but I promised I would never get in the middle of them. My ex just told me that she was having doubts about the wedding and how she might be marrying the wrong guy. At first, I was wary of my best friend dating my ex, because of his well-known past of being kind of a womanizer, although now I feel like he is a changed man since he has been with her. I plan on moving out of town after the wedding, I just don't see any other way of my feelings not getting in the way of their relationship. -- Running Out of Options, Winnipeg
  • Ease daughter's friend out of your bed, home

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My daughter moved in with me a few years ago, when she was in her early 20s, and then left town after about six months. During her stay I became quite fond of one of her very attractive female friends. That friend also left town to get married. Recently she moved back and asked if she could stay in my daughter's old bedroom. I made the mistake of saying yes and gave her a "family rate" -- basically half price. I also asked her to keep it quiet. One night over a few drinks she got emotional, talking about her failed marriage, and we ended up sharing my bed. Now we both enjoy a casual relationship, but I think I want out. She's not the person I thought she was. She is very narcissistic, frequently makes nasty comments about people and dates other men who are typically older with a lot of money. They buy her expensive gifts and meals and let her use their high-end vehicles.
  • Keep your hands off hunk you supervise

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm crazy about the new man I've been asked to supervise at my job. I am so taken with him I feel giddy. When he comes to work in the morning all fresh and clean with his hair still damp, I get so carried away I have to go have a slug of strong coffee and talk myself down. I have not acted in an improper fashion, as yet. I don't intend to jump on the work table, but I sure want to. He is actually a little older than me, but with no experience, so I am teaching him. It's hands on, as this is manual work. Believe me, he has the nicest hands -- and when I bump into them accidentally, they are warm and fuzzy. Help!
  • Help mom expand her social life outside of family

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a hard time knowing how to show my love to my mother, a cranky old woman in a lot of pain. If I try to kiss her cheek as I leave, she grunts! If I try to engage her in conversation, she says, "Can't you see I'm in pain? Leave me alone." Honestly, there is nothing good about going over to help, when she's so nasty. She isn't terribly sick, but she's lonely. She says she doesn't want to sell and go to an "old folks' home" or she might "lose her marbles." We have the money to help her move into an independent living situation where there would be company and activities and fun with people her own age. What should I do? Last night I heard a voice in my head say, "To heck with her. I'm not going where I'm not wanted." I do take her to the doctor regularly, where she is perfectly pleasant and tells him she has "very little pain." What an act! -- Tearing My Hair Out, Winnipeg
  • Whether friend was assaulted or not, she needs help to deal with problem

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My friend and I got into a recent squabble about her ex. She has a huge hate on for him because he broke up with her, and then made out with another girl after they had broken up. It has been way over a year since they broke up. She is now claiming he sexually assaulted her. Her opinion of sexual assault is different than my opinion. She says that he performed oral sex on her and she didn't want it. The thing is, she didn't say no or tell him to stop. She let him continue. She claims she was pressured and he should have verbally asked her if he could perform the act.
  • Confront 'single' wife about abandonment

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm a teacher up at the lake for the summer with our children and my wife is in town working. My kids love me, but they miss their mother. She doesn't make any great effort to get out here and often arrives on Saturday afternoon, going home Sundays, right after dinner. She had the nerve to tell me last visit she treasures her city life with her friends, and almost feels single during the summers. While I love to be at the lake, I am deeply resentful of the way she abandons the kids and me. There are several women out here who have adopted me as Mr. Mom, and the one who is single has a crush on me. I don't really want her, though she's a beautiful person, but I do need somebody adult and female around sometimes, so she brings her kids over for dinner from next door quite often to play and have a barbecue. The other day my littlest guy mistakenly called her mommy. She and I both looked at each other differently at that moment. Should I tell my wife? -- On the Brink, Lake Winnipeg
  • Protect kids from dropout mom's return

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Our situation is quite similar, yet very different to the single mom with three kids "left to their own devices" while mom works. (The 13-year-old looks after the younger children, and the baby is only one year old). My stepdaughter's boyfriend lives with us while they both finish school. About a month ago, his ex-partner decided to move out west, and we "inherited" his five kids, ages four to 13. Was it a challenge? Yes, it was, and still is. Among other issues (there was zero discipline before they moved in here), the eldest was forced to parent the four younger kids. Now that she doesn't have that responsibility, she's lost for a purpose. She literally does not know how to be a teenager.
  • Make cheating wife sweat for forgiveness

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife cheated on me years ago. It took work, but I forgave her 100 per cent, until recently when I learned it was not just "some guy." She slept with my best friend at the time. He and I are no longer close, as he and his wife moved away. But this knowledge has destroyed me. Both of them lied to me for years. I confided in him, to help me get through it. Now I feel like I was a joke to them.
  • Moving on beats being locked up

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm deeply "in hate" with my ex. She took everything. I actually gave it to her, just to shut her up. I was drinking hard and I just roughed her up a few times when she was screaming at me. She always started it. She was going to get me for assault and her girlfriend had pictures of the bruises. I said I was sorry 100 times. Now I am only drinking beer, no more whisky, but she won't even talk to me. She said last night, when she finally answered her phone, "We don't have any children so there is no need to talk anymore about anything, ever again!"
  • Bite your tongue, or you'll drive your kids to wicked stepmom

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a rental cottage on the same lake with my ex-husband, who got our old cottage in the divorce settlement. He has brought his new woman down to the lake and they are always buzzing around in the boat. She is older than him and it's obscene how she tries to act like a young woman. My young kids say she's "really nice" and it's all I can do not to vomit. When he picks the children up at my dock for a few days with him and her, I just want to give her a push right off our dock. She is so phoney nice to me she makes me sick and she's always giving gifts to the kids. They think she's great and I wish they hated her. What if they end up loving her more than me? -- Panicked Mom, Lake of the Woods Dear Panicked: For well-adjusted children and many adults, their love for family members can simply expand with the people added to it. Your kids will love you more and more as they grow, and it won't make any difference to that amount even if they love their stepmother at the same time. She gets other love from them, not the blood-bonded love they feel for you. What will make your kids think less of you is showing a nasty side, towards this stepmom, who is good to them. So, keep it brief and pleasant with her when they dock to pick up the children.
  • Confront showering husband about cooling ardour

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband thinks he has to jump up and shower the moment he has had sex with me. I feel like he thinks I'm dirty. I'm not. I am a woman who has just made love with her husband and wants cuddling. I feel abandoned when he leaves me like that and then I feel cold towards him and then it turns to a cool anger and I find ways to get even. Like, instead of making love to him the next day, I make him wait a week and make believable excuses. He's too stupid to get the correlation. This only started happening when he cooled off on me a bit. We have been married only two years. At first he would have loved and cuddled me for as long as I wanted. I know I am being a witch but I am so hurt. How do we change this? -- Not Dirty, Winnipeg Dear Not Dirty: Hurt is the word you need to use when you talk to him about this. And changed is another word that has to come into the picture. Don't use angry or getting even. Appeal to the better side of him. It you and he can't work this out, now is the time to see a marriage counsellor, not later. And be sure your counsellor has a bias towards keeping couples together. When marriages cool off there is usually a reason besides time passing. Be brave enough to ask him what has cooled him towards you. When he is in high heat he can get past it but when the loving is over his basic feeling about you sets in.
  • Give needy mom a hand; don't turn her in

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I wonder how to handle this most troubling and difficult situation. A mother has three children -- 13, 9 and a one-year-old baby. No help from the father. While the mother is at work during the day and lots of evenings, the oldest girl is left in charge of the baby and sister and cooking and cleaning. That seems to be a lot left on the shoulders of the just-turned 13-year-old. Money is in short supply so not much left for a sitter. I feel this is unfair and unjust. After all, the mother had the baby, not the teenager. -- Concerned, Winnipeg  
  • Next time, just ignore drunk woman in bar

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a drunk, martini-drinking young woman at a bar on a very hot and sweaty night and she asked me to go outside for a cigarette with her. When we were back in the dark behind the bar, she grabbed me below the belt and said, "There's nobody around. Let's go!" I refused, suggesting she was way too drunk to be making decisions like that, and walked away. She came around the corner and shouted, "You're gay. That's what's wrong with you!" I ignored that, although I heard a few sniggers from other people outside. I went back into the bar. She came running in after me and said, "Why don't you want me? What's the matter -- am I that repulsive to you?" Then she started bawling and the bar security came over and asked me to leave. I said, "Why?" and he said, "You're making this young lady cry and we don't want guys like you here."
  • Be sure to unfriend your non-friend

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: An old friend from university had been hinting for a while she wanted to see me, so I booked a trip to visit her this summer, a few provinces over. She said she was super excited, but two months before, she Facebooked me to say she had basement flooding issues recently and couldn't put me up any more. This seemed odd and premature. She apologized profusely but never really explained why I couldn't sleep on her couch on the main level of her house, other than saying her house is on the small side, or why she wouldn't be willing to come see me instead. She also didn't offer a place with a close friend or family. I would have been fine with the sleeping bag on the floor! I was coming to hang with her.
  • Retiree's live-in lover cramping bachelor style

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hate waking up beside my girlfriend in the bed. When we are amorous at night I love to be in bed with her, but then I want her to go home. Unfortunately, my place is home to both of us now -- big mistake. We just moved in together two months ago and she's everywhere I look. I stumble over her in the hallways. She's in the bathroom when I need to use it. She's on the couch with my remote. She's walking her yappy dog and wants me to go with her. God knows I need that time away from her! I feel like a grew a barnacle on my butt and I'm stuck with her 24/7. By the way, we are both retired and I am wondering if I should go back to work to get away from her. Please understand I do love the woman, although she's a freakin' pest. -- Suffocating, Windsor Park  
  • Don't break a sweat after dumping stinker

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I broke up with my sweaty girlfriend -- Miss Au Naturel -- because I can't stand her armpits and summer is coming. She seems to enjoy being in the centre of a cloud of body odour. I tell her about it and she just laughs and say, "I kinda like it when it's new." When I finally dumped her over her armpits, she said I was old-fashioned and would probably die of aluminum poisoning from my own antiperspirant. I really liked her otherwise, but I don't see any solution. -- Not Into BO
  • Readers weigh in: Kids don't necessarily need more toys

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This is in regards to "Confused by the cash demand", whose sister-in-law asked for cash donations for her child's education in lieu of a birthday present. I have both a sister with a two-year-old and a best friend with a three-year-old. Both of them had too many toys and books and gadgets for their children, and they specified for their child's previous birthdays that they do not want gifts. They don't want their children spoiled, and their house littered with stuff their children never use. When people ignored their requests of not buying gifts, they were not happy. Here are some things I have done, after talking with the parents, that were very productive for us: Taken both children to a big, adventure indoor-play structure; visited the Children's Museum; bought the parents gift cards for supper, while I had a babysitting play date; made a donation in place of a gift to a children's charity. There is a better way. -- 32-Year-old Uncle and Friend.
  • School's out, but your teacher is still off-limits

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have had a crush on my single male teacher all through Grade 12. I think he likes me back, although he is too "professional" to say anything. Summer is coming and his family has a cottage at the same beach where mine is. Would it be OK to cruise it a few times and stop by for a visit, if I see his car? -- Mad Crush, Winnipeg  
  • Be beary wary, but don't be afraid of the lake

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I saw a bear in the woods near my cabin. I locked the doors and pushed furniture up against them, and waited in silence until he lumbered away. I'm scared to go back now. It is my own beautiful cabin in the bush by a lake, left by my grandparents to me. I love it, but this year I have no boyfriend and I go there alone. Because I'm writing poetry and songs for a CD, I don't really want company. Then I have to cook and entertain. How can I get comfortable with going back to my cabin? Can anybody help me keep away the bears? -- Scared Stiff of Bears, Winnipeg
  • Beach bod not perfect with mismatched set

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: To stuff or not to stuff? That is the question. One of my breasts is much bigger than the other and this is always a problem at the beach. People can't help but notice. They look at the big headlight on the right and then the little one, and then back. I see their eyes moving. I have always been an au naturel kind of woman, but I am sick of this annoyance whenever I'm at the beach. Guys don't say anything at all, though they look, but female friends kind of hope for an explanation. Should I be natural, or give in and stuff? -- Tired of Gawkers, Transcona  
  • Queen dominatrix needs to respect boundaries

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife has recently read the requisite dominatrix books and gone to some sessions where she is learning big things. She informed me last night that I should respond to her orders around the house with, "Yes, my Queen." I encouraged the dominatrix stuff at first because I thought the costumes would be a turn-on, but now this kinky scene has escaped the confines of our bedroom. She has bought me frilly panties, stopped doing any of the housework and expects me to play the role of sissy slave when I'm home. I am a respected chartered accountant in this city, and believe me, I am nobody's slave. -- Annoyed by the Queen, Downtown Dear Fed Up: Everybody involved in "kinky" experiments, especially orderly accountants, should have boundaries set out clearly ahead of time to be respected by their mates. Say to your wife, "These are my boundaries: You can be the boss in the bedroom when we agree to a session, but the rest of the time, we are equals." As for specific behaviours, like the housework, say, "You can start going back to doing your half of the housework, and I will say 'Yes, my Queen,' when it's appropriate to such scenes in the bedroom." As for the frilly panties used for playful humiliation, you will have to decide about that. Some men find it threatening to their manhood, others think it's a hoot.
  • Angry readers target child-hating stepdad-to-be

    DEAR READERS: There has been a deluge of response to Not Stepfather Material, the guy who says he "hates" his stepchildren, but won't leave because he's got a good deal going with their mom who "does everything." Here is a sampling of response mail to munch on: Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Enough beating up on Not Stepfather Material. I feel sympathy for him. I was treated like dirt by my stepchildren. They sent me crying to the bedroom for two years before they won and I finally moved out. By then I was feeling broken and abused -- they had called me terrible names and thrown things at me for two long years -- and it took me years to get straightened out. -- Abused by Wicked Stepkids, St. James
  • Daughter feeling stung by mom's sex scrutiny

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Last night my mother went over to a friend's house for dinner and drank a little too much wine. Being the good daughter I am, I went and picked her up. We went and got ice cream with my 13-year-old brother. After a weekend at the lake and a long day, I said I was tired and couldn't wait to get home. My mom looked over at me and said, "You shouldn't be tired from a weekend at the lake, you should be tired from doing things with your boyfriend." Then wiggled her eyebrows. I knew she meant sex, and she even went on to say that I don't have enough of it. I'm only 20 and so is my boyfriend, and although we've been dating for almost three years, sex really isn't a priority. We both live with our parents. He's allergic to cats, so he can't come to my house, and his family is always home. We sometimes get the cabin to ourselves for a weekend, or the house because his parents leave town, but it's always "do it when we have the time."
  • Be discreet about burning workplace romance

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm deeply in love with the cutest man at my work. He and I have been looking at each other for more than two years and the feeling is mutual. Unfortunately, I'm in upper management and he's a worker on the front lines. We are forced to be non-lovers by our work situation. (Or have things changed now that it's 2014?) We're both single and lonely. We got inebriated together at an after-work party recently and had a drunken talk and a kiss that felt like a mutual attack it was so powerful. He says he would feel embarrassed dating the boss and I said it would be impossible to date someone not on my level, or it could be called harassment (by him) if things went bad. The most senior boss doesn't approve of office romances, and neither did I until now. What to do? -- Wildly Attracted, Industrial District
  • End of close friendship similar to breaking up

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Nearly five years ago, I had my first child. My first year of motherhood was a blur of exhaustion and postpartum depression. At the same time, my best friend of over 10 years began an intense university degree program. We were both stressed and not really in much shape to support each other emotionally. Our connection remained strong when we could get together or sneak in a phone call, but over the years I found my university friend outgrew me and our connection faded. About a year ago, I was going through a personal crisis and reached out to her for advice. I hoped our connection might be restored. She made it clear I should find someone else to help me. I was devastated. It hurts when common friends ask how she is and I don't know. I'm also having trouble making new friends because my self-confidence is so shaken. What do I have to offer to anyone?

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