Miss Lonelyhearts

  • When the dogs look away, make your play

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was out walking at an off-leash dog park with my dog when this woman literally crashed into my arms, chasing her puny little puppy. I fell backwards and she fell, half on top of me. Her puppy was licking my face all over. When I saw who his owner was, I just laughed. It was the 20-years-older version of my girlfriend from high school! I brushed myself off, and we couldn't stop giggling. She wasn't wearing a wedding ring (she checked me, too). We made a coffee date and it went great, but I should be ashamed: all I wanted to do that first date was find out what sex would be like with her. She's not as shallow as I am, but I'm two months out of a long, hard relationship, and kind of bruised. I am so curious -- all I think about it doing the wild thang with her. What should I do? -- Curious Hound Dog, St. Vital
  • Local pianist flying south to heed Caribbean's call

    AHEAD OF THE SNOW: Manitoba musician Don Bouchat is jetting off to Eleuthera in the Bahamas for a winter of music and sunshine. His last local jam packed the Royal George Hotel in Transcona late Wednesday night, with the help of guitarist Jim Creasey, bass player Robbie Wallace, drummer Gary Gach and guitarist Greg Pester. The night's entertainment served a dual purpose: the crowd was also saying goodbye to Bill Lowrie with a celebration of life he would have enjoyed mightily, with Van Morrison's Into the Mystic dedicated to him. Your life is what you make it, and Bouchat, well into his 60s, is playing two continents. In the winter he performs at Eleuthera's Tippy's Bar on Wednesday nights and the Beach House on Mondays starting Dec. 1. He is constantly rubbing shoulders with musicians and movie stars who often sit in with his band, such as Lenny Kravitz, Hugh Laurie, George Clooney (best at clapping) and the lovable Danny Glover.
  • Burial plot thickens after second marriage

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My second husband just asked me, out of the blue, who I'm going to be buried with: him in his family plot; with my first husband; or (sarcastically), "Will you be scattered to the breeze because you can't decide?" What do you think? I do have a plot beside my deceased husband -- the love of my life for 32 years -- and my new husband knows it. I was just hoping my current husband would die before I did, because he's quite a bit older, and there would be no issue. -- Rock and a Hard Place, Selkirk
  • More questions needed when setting up friends

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm an old hand at setting up matches and love affairs, but I have run into a snag. My husband plays on a lot of sports teams and we entertain a lot, so I know a lot more men than most women do. I have a wonderful girlfriend who has never been married and she's 34 and wants a child. She has fallen in love with the divorced guy I less-than-subtly set her up with this summer and they were madly in love, until last night. To her shock and amazement, he told her he doesn't want any more babies and he's getting a vasectomy. He already has three kids with his first wife and the divorce has not been amicable. My friend is broken-hearted and she phoned last night to say she had broken up with him, and then she put the blame on me. Now what do I do? She knows I was anxious to pair them up and he's so beautiful, she went right along with it. I didn't think to quiz him on the child aspect and I'm sorry now. -- Mrs. Matchmaker, West End
  • Partner's consistent 'wah, wah, wah' a major flaw

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a boyfriend who's always complaining. They aren't big complaints, just fussy ones, like, "They don't make cars/breakfast cereal/Kraft Dinner/Coke/wood furniture like they used to." "My feet are always cold and I don't know why," or, "I don't like any of the movies out now," Wah, wah, wah. He sounds like an old man, but he's only 33. His whole day starts and ends with complaining. Otherwise, he's kind and sweet, albeit a bit wimpy. I haven't had a boyfriend for a long time and I have no complaints about him in the bedroom, so I have enjoyed that aspect. There he shines because he has better things to do with his mouth than whine. But this morning after making love, he said, "Why don't women wear garter belts and stockings like they used to? It would make things so much more interesting." For some reason I just freaked. "All you do is complain, complain, complain!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Get out of my house now!"
  • Next time you see guy, use a white lie to say hi

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I almost met a man, but I only know him by his flaming red hair in a ponytail. I was so taken by his long red locks I didn't get a good look at his face. I have gone back to the same coffee shop three times at the same time of day and sat there for two hours, but he wasn't there. The time I saw him I walked by from the back and could see he was writing what looked to be a poetry or a song on a laptop. He looked up as I passed and gave me a big smile that made my heart flutter, but kept walking. I can still see that smile and feel it. I wasn't brave enough to leave when he did to see what vehicle he came in, yet the experience -- that smiling connection -- marked me deeply. I think he may have been "the one" and I blew it. What should I have done? -- Shy & Stupid Romantic, Corydon Dear Shy & Stupid: Throw yourself on the mercy of the coffee house staff, who are usually young people. Tell them your story, and ask if he's a regular. They may think it's fun to help you find him again, if they know him to see him. Otherwise, dear singleton, you blew it the way so many singles do on these occasions. Sometimes people only have one chance to make contact with someone in a situation like this. If you had said (as an all-out lie), "Do I know you from somewhere? You look familiar," he might have said, "Well, I'd like to get to know you. Sit down." Then you could have said, "I couldn't help but notice when I walked by, you were writing poetry or a song," and the conversation might have gone from there.
  • Lewd pool player more pig than shark

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I play in a billiard league with my friends and have caught this guy staring at women's backsides when they lean over to get a shot. When I had to do the same last week, I could feel his eyes burning into my butt, so this time I turned around and said, "You -- keep your eyes off my butt!" He complained to the league organizer that I'm oversensitive and I'm ruining the fun of the game. Was I being oversensitive, or did I call it right? -- Enough of Gawking, St. Boniface Dear Enough: You may have called it right, but you complained to the wrong person. If you had spoken to the league organizer ahead of time, he or she could have kept an eye out for inappropriate behaviour and put a stop to it privately. Instead, you singled the guy out and hollered loud enough so everybody would look up. That wasn't necessary. Your aim could have been accomplished with more finesse and less aggression if you left it to the organizer to warn him away from leering at the ladies' upturned bottoms, as there had been a complaint.
  • There's right time, wrong time to make first move

    GENTLE READERS: I often get letters from people who are crazy about someone, but have not yet made the first move. Sometimes they have spent weeks, months, even years, daydreaming about the apple of their eye, but still take no action and waste a lot of time. Sometimes it's smart to make that move; other times it's a baaaad idea! Read on. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I've had a crush on my friend for years and didn't tell anyone. We are in our 20s now and I want to admit to her how I feel, but I'm afraid. I have no dating experience at all. I don't know what to do on a date and have doubts whether I can handle a relationship. Therefore, I'm not only afraid she would reject me, but also afraid if she accepts. -- Inexperienced Guy, Winnipeg
  • Your partner will never ditch kids

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm the guy who wishes my fiancée's kids would go live with their dad. You asked me to write back and tell you what my fiancée's kids like, or don't like, about me. I really don't care what they think, what my fiancée's friends or family think or what Child and Family Services has to say. The bottom line is we are happier when the kids are away. Your readers had some funny comments and they can think what they want. I have no worries about my fiancée leaving. She can't be alone, and her parenting is questionable, too. She has a great job, keeps the roof over our heads and food in my stomach. You suggested my getting an apartment. I don't plan on paying for my own apartment. That's one of the reasons I'm staying where I am. She provides, and I like that. She is no amazing homemaker like your readers think, either.
  • Variety is the spice to keep sex life hot

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Why do women use sex to snag a guy and then want less and less once they have you on the hook emotionally? This has happened to me twice now. I don't want another cold fish, but they all seem so hot in the beginning. How do I filter them out? -- Duped Dear Duped: As a relationship cools, so does the sex. Warm/hot relationships with lots of emotion tend to stay warmer. It is hard to preserve the can't-get-enough-of-you heat when a lot of time has gone by and you are into a sexual routine. What do you bring to the sexual relationship? Lots of variety? Think about reading some books on sex and romance (available at local sex shops) and dazzling the next woman who will never know what will happen next with you.
  • Trust your gut about sneaking suspicions

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm a 22-year-old university student working part time at a hospital. I met my very recent ex-boyfriend working there. A couple of weeks ago I invited him to a fundraiser at a club where I'm a member. One of the women I work with asked me if she could come along, as she was bored. I said OK because I was going to be busy working the bar. When I finally got free, I couldn't find them anywhere. Finally, an embarrassed friend told me she'd seen them leaving together. I called my boyfriend's cell -- it wasn't on. I called my girlfriend's phone and I could hear my boyfriend's distinctive donkey laugh and her shushing him. I said, "I can hear him laughing, so don't pretend he's not there!" She crumpled and said they left the party because it was too boring and went to her place for coffee. I hung up, broken-hearted. Since then, I won't answer their calls or talk to either of them at work. They both act like nothing happened, but deep down, something tells me it isn't so. Should I give my boyfriend a second chance? -- Lonely and Hurting, West End
  • Accidental peeper starting to feel like a creeper

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This woman who lives in another apartment across from my windows walks around with the curtains open and I can see her. Now that it's getting darker earlier, she comes home from work, peels off her clothes and then walks around in her sexy bra and panties. Sometimes she gets completely naked. I don't mean to look, but I'm also dying to look all the time. In fact, one of my friends noticed and we both looked. I'd like to keep on looking, as it's great entertainment, but I'm a nice guy and know it's a little creepy. Does she know what she's doing? -- Peeper By Accident, Winnipeg Dear Peeper: There's a 50-50 chance she's an exhibitionist and knows what she's doing, but don't get your hopes up. You could stop these shows by putting a sign on your window that says, "Close your curtains!" but we both know you're not going to do that. That means you'll have to close your own curtains. As a nice guy, can you manage that? Whatever you do, don't start walking around naked at your place with the curtains open, as men tend to get outed and blamed in such instances much faster than women.
  • Blow whistle on boss for naughty comments

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I hate my boss so much I finally told him off. And, guess what? He liked it. Now if he gets rude with me I give him a look and he says things like, “Am I being a naughty boy again?” I know what comes next in that scenario, and I don’t want to play the dominant with him at work or outside of work. He bullies all the other women in the office, but not me, because now I’m his favourite. I sass him right to his face and he gives me sheep’s eyes.
  • Don't feel guilty for leaving him

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I tried for years to fix my marriage, waiting for my ex to decide what he wanted to do and therefore waiting for him to decide my future. After he left, I realized how much better off I was. Now I've gotten into a relationship with a wonderful man, but his life is filled with so much stress, and his ex-wife's betrayal still haunts him terribly. He's unable to let me get close to him, physically or emotionally. He says everyone his whole life has let him down. I feel that I'm being punished for the wrongs of others. I've tried talking to him but he just digs in his heels and takes the position that that's just the way he is and he can't change. He's wonderful in so many ways: he's intelligent, hard-working, a great role model to his child and a fantastic conversationalist. I believe his love for me is genuine, as is mine for him. He's finally agreed to go seek some help, but only after I finally made it clear I couldn't continue the way we were going. My question is whether I should stick it out with him and wait to see if things change between us. I spent so many years compromising my needs and wants. I also don't want to walk away and make him feel like I'm just another person who's let him down. The guilt is huge. Are either of us emotionally healthy enough to be in a relationship? -- Waiting for Love, Winnipeg
  • Love affair hampered by underwear discovery

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I recently started dating a nice guy over the last couple of months. We are both in our 50s. He's never been married and I've been divorced for a few years. Although I've been on dates before, I never dated a man long enough to get to the sex part. The other night he invited me to his place for dinner. He really went all out with the candles, music, gourmet food and delicious dessert -- I knew he had seduction on his mind. I was so taken by his efforts that I decided maybe it was time to take the next step: the bedroom. I went to the bathroom first to freshen up and noticed some clothes were spilling out from his hamper. I opened the hamper to toss them in and couldn't help noticing some female underwear among his dirty clothes. They were fairly big in size -- large enough to fit a big woman or a man of his size. Needless to say, I changed my mind that night and went home as fast as politely possible. He doesn't live with his mother, but who knows? If the panties belong to him, I'm not sure I can handle it. I prefer to be the one wearing the panties in a relationship! What should I do? -- Freaked Out By Panties, Fort Rouge
  • Falling in lust with your therapist not so crazy

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a crush on my female therapist. I dream about her, both romantic and sexual stuff. I can't wait for my appointments every week with her. I've heard about transference and I know it's common to get warm feelings for the person who listens to your innermost fears, hopes and dreams, but these are hot feelings, and they're keeping me up at night. I would pay anything to keep looking into this woman's soft brown sympathetic eyes and keep talking with her after my appointments. Conversations with other people seem shallow and pointless -- it's all just small talk. My best friend -- another woman -- says I owe it to my therapist to tell her about these feelings so she can help me understand them and neutralize them. Do I really have to? What if she cares for me too and it would spoil everything if I brought it up? What if she quits working with me because of it? -- Crazy About Her, Downtown
  • He likes you for you, not your alleged DDs

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is embarrassing to confess: I'm 19 and quite flat-chested, but have always worn built-up bras that make my chest look much bigger. I'm a moderate B-cup dressed up as a DD. I like the busty look in clothes and can't afford the operation. I don't date much, and it never gets past first base, so what does it matter? Well, along comes this guy a month ago who worships the ground I walk on, and I'm attracted right back. We fell for each other on the first night we met. A month later, it's getting a bit lame, just necking in the car. It's my fault. I'm wearing these "big knockers," as the guys in junior high used to say. I'd like to go further, but I'm going to be exposed for the fake that I am. What should I do? -- Soon to be Exposed? Winnipeg
  • A baby with this boyfriend would be a bundle of burden

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I want a baby badly and my boyfriend doesn't. He won't even live with me. He says we're having a lot of fun living in our own places and "why fix what ain't broke?" I just about broke his head when he said that. He says he doesn't trust me because I cheated on him once. It was just once! I need two hands to count how many times he cheated on me. I forgave him and he can't get over the one time I went with a friend of his, not a close friend either, and that happened after he'd cheated on me at least three times to my knowledge. I was simply teaching him a lesson about how it feels. He always say he "loves me to the moon and back," but he says he doesn't want a kid with me. I love him, and he is so cute I want him to be the father of my baby. I put up with way more than him, so what is his problem? By the way, I'm 18 and he's 21, so we're old enough to do anything. -- Want My Baby, West End
  • See if things heat up during visit with old flame

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got a birthday card from the first love of my life today in the mail. He asked if he could take me for a birthday dinner now that I'm single again. How did he know that information? He works in Calgary. I phoned him at work and he was clearly excited to hear from me. I heard him slam his office door shut and tell his secretary, "No interruptions!" We talked for half an hour. At the end of the call I asked him if he was free and he said, "It's complicated." I felt my heart sink. He explained that he and his wife were getting divorced, but he has two kids and can't leave Calgary until they are done school. I didn't ask him to leave his city. I felt embarrassed that he thought that. Anyway, he's flying to Winnipeg to take me to dinner and my stomach is all a-flutter. He was the love of my life when I was younger, but he went away to university and married someone else he met there. I hated him for that, probably because I couldn't bear to love him any more. I don't know how I should feel about all this. I married another guy, but he didn't stack up. We had no heat and no kids. What if the guy who's coming falls for me again? Should I sleep with him at his hotel if he asks? -- Got Butterflies Already, North Kildonan
  • Sounds like you stopped therapy sessions too soon

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm in my late 20s, stuck in a single-girl rut and can't get out. I ended a long-term relationship a year ago, but can't push myself back out there to date. I got back in shape and went to counselling to help me get over my breakup. While I genuinely feel I'm over that man specifically, I'm still apprehensive. I want to get married and have a family eventually, and I'd like to be in a caring relationship again, but I just feel so intimidated and overwhelmed about starting over. I'm constantly coming up with reasons or excuses and can't believe I've done this for a whole year already. I also am a little scared of rejection and being hurt. I know what end result I want, I just dread the idea of dating and putting in the actual work.
  • Regrets, she's had a few, but here's one to mention

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm a lady with few regrets, but I'd like to pass one on for the education of young single women. When I was younger I went to a Club Med for singles and met a beautiful young man from New York City. He told me he worked in the World Trade Center. It was very romantic there and we roamed the beaches together, kissed, hugged, lounged on the beach and talked for hours. I felt we really connected in a very deep way, yet I wouldn't make love with him because I would only be there one week, and wondered if he would respect me in the morning. I know now very clearly it was a mistake. He was not a playboy -- was a bit shy -- and he would have been delighted with me in the morning. We would have spent the rest of the week in new lovers' heaven, and it could have gone further, even though I was Canadian and he was American. Instead I was a good girl, spurned his advances and embarrassed him, even though I was certainly not virginal.
  • Cancel sleepovers until abuse issue dealt with

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I accidentally slammed my husband's fingers in the truck door. It hurt so much he cried on the way to the hospital. Afterwards, my macho man with big bandages on his hand was acutely embarrassed. He said he hadn't cried once since he was 10 and his father beat him black and blue -- the worst beating ever -- with a belt that had a buckle. It was my turn to be in shock. I didn't know he had been physically abused. The whole story of his childhood came out and it made me sick inside. He hates his dad. Now I can't stand the sight of his father and my lip curls when we are in his presence. I don't know how to handle my emotions. I want to scream and yell at his father and also at his mother, who didn't stop the abuse. And I don't want our kids staying with them ever again. How do I tell grandma, who will push it? -- Need Boundaries, Rural Manitoba
  • Training tips to pump you up for the dating scene

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm finally separated from the most annoying, unloving, boring woman in Winnipeg, but my life hasn't improved much in the three months since we split. I was without much love or sex for the entire eight years of an eight-year marriage. We were pushed to marry by our two families who had been friends and business associates for years. Not being a guy who liked to rock the boat, I caved. The girl turned out to have a stingy body and a mean mouth to go along with her classically beautiful face. It was a merger with no love, no kids, no warmth. For years, I daydreamed of having a woman I loved, and now I want to find out what that means. I want to find love this fall. I made one move in the spring when we separated, going from my house in the suburbs to Osborne Village, but I really have no idea how to plot a course to find love. I'm such a "suit." I'm hoping you can help. -- Successful at Business, Not at Love, The Village
  • Put an end to abuse before it escalates

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm freaking out and don't know what to do. I've recently seen some very scary stuff happening with my sister and her first boyfriend. She is a teenager. I'm 22. I saw him push her against his vehicle and heard him yell at her, "Get in the truck, or else!" I think he hit her a few weeks ago. I heard some whispers about that in the bathroom of the bar I go to. I looked at her face for bruises, but didn't see any. She always wears long sleeves. What can I do? -- Worried Sister, Winnipeg Dear Worried: He could be hitting her on her body where he knows she can cover it with clothes. She may be terrified of this guy by now, although he may alternate the violence with "I love you so much. I couldn't live without you." Some young girls get sucked into the drama of that kind of relationship, at first.
  • A quick kiss will be pleasing and stop the teasing

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I work in the same building as the most annoyingly handsome man in Winnipeg. He teases me when we go outside for smokes at work. When we go out for drinks to our bar on Fridays -- everyone in the neighbourhood goes there -- he's always there and immediately on my case. My friends say he has the hots for me, but I can't see how that's true when he's always bugging me. I am not a young girl. I should be able to throw it right back at him without blushing, but I find him so attractive I get all hot and bothered and can't come up with smart remarks for the life of me. I can trade digs with anybody else and I'm funny with them. How do I stop him? What is his problem aside from being newly separated? -- Red-Faced Victim, Broadway


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