Miss Lonelyhearts

  • Dominatrix branded cheating slave as her own

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have two women in my life: my main girlfriend of four year and the kinky one I met at a club two months ago. She does things to me I'm too shocked to tell you about. I'm helpless, like her slave. But then she found out about my first woman, and she was angry. She has other men falling at her feet, but she wants to be the queen and doesn't want to share me. I went to my girlfriend's place really late Sunday at 3 a.m. She is the woman I always thought I would marry. We went straight to bed and made love, although I was already dead tired from the first woman. Then, a little bit later, in the morning light, I heard all this yelling: "What is that on your back?"
  • New secret 'friend' points to an affair

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: About a year ago, I stumbled upon a series of texts on my husband's phone from a woman he works with -- they were very friendly and seemed like more than simply a work relationship. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I was curious and somewhat suspicious about this relationship. Over the next while I found out they were regularly having lunches together, had been on business trips together and had dinners and drinks together, all the while he never mentioned her name and kept her a complete and total secret. He invited her out when he was going out with other friends for "guys nights." This felt like a huge betrayal. Recently, we've been struggling with our marriage. It's tough to keep the spark alive with busy work schedules and children, but I love him and do not want our relationship to end, though recent texts tell me their relationship has continued. She is now single and has a new apartment with a space for playing music (he is a music-lover and musician). He responded that he would like to see her place and have a drink.
  • No chance flirt will leave his girlfriend, so stop chasing

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This truck driver who delivers to our place of business has always been friendly, especially with me, even though he has a girlfriend. He's always flirting with the girls and making them feel special. He was even going to help me find a different job and took me out with him to see if I would like to get back into driving a truck. He told me he would speak with his girlfriend to see if he could give me a refresher course, which I would pay for. He also told her I broke up with my boyfriend because he was living off of me. Suddenly he told me he was only helping me with the job, didn't want a relationship with me, wasn't going to help me anymore and that the only woman he was interested was his girlfriend.
  • Manly man made a pretty good-looking girl

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I had a unique experience the other night. I was at this man's apartment -- my sex buddy of two years -- and waiting in the bedroom. He was having a shower after his construction-work job. He took a long time. To my shock and amazement, he emerged wearing a stuffed red bra and skirt. I was shocked into complete and utter silence. He hadn't told me this was going to happen. He went in there as dirty, stinky man and emerged as a pretty sexy-looking woman. I said: "This would be a great surprise if I were lesbian or even bi-curious but I'm not. He said, "Sorry, I just couldn't find the words to announce it, so I thought I'd surprise you and see what you said." I told him I was feeling all mixed up and to take the costume off immediately, so he did, then we talked about it and then we said goodbye for good. Should I have been more open-minded? -- Freaked Right Out, River Heights
  • Cancel stuffy shower and plan a fun party

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We're now in the throes of planning a wedding at my fiancé's family farm, which we are very excited about. However, we can only have 180 guests at this event, and since both of us come from large families, there are quite a few people who are going to be left out, unfortunately. To make these people feel more included, my mother and grandmother have decided to host a very formal bridal shower for me at a Winnipeg hotel. Would it be OK to invite people to the shower that we won't be able to invite to the wedding so they can be included in the festivities? I don't want anyone to think I'm gift-grabbing (which I'm not, I couldn't care less about gifts), but I don't want anyone to feel left out. -- Confused Bride, Manitoba
  • Tell daughter about past abuse

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: A few people have told me my ex -- the father of my 16-year-old daughter -- has seen her from afar a few times, and followed her. He just watched her and admired how beautiful she has grown. He talks about her and asks questions about her. He was abusive, and I left him when my daughter was two. We moved to another province to start a new life. The judge gave us joint custody and ordered my ex to pay child support, but he never did. The few times we ran into each other he has asked me to get the child-support order off him, as he says it's making his life hell. I've tried, but can't afford another lawyer, plus it's not like I ever received any money from him anyway. He has a new life with another woman and they have children. She doesn't want my ex associating with his other children.
  • Boxes in basement no reason to go ballistic

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband went up north on a hunting trip and I took the opportunity to throw away a bunch of his old crap in the basement. I got a little crazy and hired a guy with a truck to get rid of a bunch of boxes -- about 10 big ones. Unfortunately, my husband arrived home early and I hadn't had time to rearrange things so he wouldn't notice. He hit the roof. Then he said he got to throw away 10 of my boxes in the basement and I would get no say in it. I went ballistic!
  • Consider your favourite red thong long gone

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I left a personal article at a guy's apartment -- my favourite red-lace thong -- and I want it back. I know most women leave something when they want an excuse to return, but in my case, I never want to see him again in this lifetime. What should I do? -- Want What's Mine, Fort Rouge Dear Want: Funny thing -- the price of not seeing this guy again is the exact same price as that thong. Write off the lingerie as the cost of a little foolishness and buy a replacement if you want it so badly. They aren't expensive. What would your alternative be: asking him to put the thong outside his door in an envelope?
  • Stop answering loaded questions from your child's mother

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met my girlfriend last October and everything's good, except every time I talk to my child's mother, she asks me if I still love her. I say, "Yes. because you carried my baby and have been a loving mother to her." But then my new girlfriend gets mad about the bond I have with my baby's mom. So, should I stop talking with my baby's mom or break it off with the girlfriend? I'm so confused. -- Two Thoughts, Manitoba Dear Two Thoughts: You need to explain to your girlfriend that you love the mother of your child "like an old friend" and that the romantic relationship is no longer there. If a new girlfriend isn't mature enough to accept that, then she's the one that has to exit your life. You need to maintain a co-operative friendship with your baby's mother, as that child needs you as much as you need her. You may find a new girlfriend with her own child who will understand this situation better.
  • Stop trying to earn love and play harder to get

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Why do guys always break up with me? I do everything to make them happy: laugh at their jokes, listen to their troubles, help them with mean parents, sometimes pick them up and drive them to work in my car and even lend them a little money. Yet, they always drop me after no more than a month. Do I have sex with them? Not unless we go out for a few months. I'm not a virgin, but I'm not cheap either. I'm trying so hard! What am I doing wrong? -- Best Before 30 Days, River Heights
  • Divorce not your fault, but ratting out bro is

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I hate listening to my sister-in-law rag on about my brother's faults. She's really mean and critical, especially about sex with him, which I don't want to hear. Last weekend at the bar I overheard my brother tell his buddy about a woman who has a crush on him at his work. His wife came home to drink with me later and started putting my brother down again, and that set me right off. I let it slip about the girl at his work. She slapped my face, told me to shut up, pushed me against the kitchen counter and made me tell her the woman's name. She called him, and all hell broke loose on the phone. My brother was denying everything and calling me names.
  • Turn up the heat, take it all off

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I like to wear pyjamas to bed and my new girlfriend thinks it's "sucky-baby." Those were her exact words last night after we had sex and cuddled for half an hour. I got out of bed to put on my pyjamas and buttoned them up to the top because my shoulders get cold. She admits she wears T-shirts to bed at home, but when she's at my place she wears the sexy stuff for sex. Great! I love it. But after all is said and done, can't we put on our pyjamas, T-shirts, whatever, and cuddle up to go to sleep for the night? Why do I have to take flak for wanting to be warm when I sleep? It would look stupid to wear the top without the bottoms and I need the top. I am 19 and she is 20. -- Mocked for Pyjamas, Winnipeg
  • Talk to someone about your need to play games

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When I'm really nice to guys my age (mid-30s), they try to walk on me. When I'm 25 per cent bitch, they chase after me like I'm the biggest challenge. When I tell boyfriends they can come home with me but will not be allowed to stay the night, they do everything they can to convince me they're worthy of staying. I always keep certain doors locked in my house for no reason, and they are intrigued. I don't answer all their questions; no apologies, either. I just look at them, and give them a mysterious smile. I never talk about my past and they go crazy trying to fish for details. They spill everything about themselves, hoping to get me to do the same.
  • You'll have to offer details to get teens to believe you

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and I have been married twice. The first time was when we were really young and it didn't last, because we were so immature. We got ourselves free again and went off to other provinces. Then we met each other at a high school reunion a few years ago and we were absolutely mesmerized by each other as adults. Our only problem is that my middle husband, whom I divorced 10 years ago because he was verbally violent, is still jealous. He suspects my first love and I never stopped communicating all the time I was with him, which is not the truth. I had my kids with him, and he has put poison in their ears since I re-met my first husband and married him. After Christmas, the kids finally asked me if it's true I cheated on their bio-dad. They aren't convinced by my answer. He had set them up to disbelieve me, even though he's remarried himself. I may not be a one-man woman for life, but I have always been a one-at-a-time woman. Please help. -- My Teenagers Don't Believe Me, Winnipeg
  • Gentle persistence, brothers' help went a long way with love

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is my funny true love story for your readers on Valentine's Day. I met my wife in a bar. She was the beautiful bartender. She just knocked me out; she was so funny and easy to talk to. I'm a shy guy, but I kept going to the bar every day to see her, even though I don't like booze much. Then I finally screwed up my courage and asked her out. She said, "I'd consider it, because I really like you too, but you're here every day and I think you must have a drinking problem." I laughed so hard, she got a little mad at me. Nothing I could say would convince her. The next night I came back and brought two of my brothers. She said, "Not you again, and now you've brought your drinking buddies!" My brothers really started laughing, because we're actually a Mennonite family. They swore to her I didn't have a drinking problem, nor did I really like liquor, and I was just coming there as an excuse to see her. Then she really got it. She smiled a beautiful smile, and then reached across the bar and kissed me sweetly on the lips.
  • Wife's roses pink, other's red; he's done in their bed

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I found two separate receipts in my husband's pants pocket, from two different florists for purchases on the same day, which I'm sure he meant to throw away. They are for two bouquets of roses -- 12 pink ones (like you'd give your mother) were for me. The two dozen blood red ones were to be sent to "her," signifying love and passion, as everyone knows. They both were for delivery on the 14th, to our different homes. His card to her says, "Forever Yours." Actually he's legally mine, but he's never stopped loving her, his first wife. She threw him out for cheating on her with me. Now he's cheating again -- but with her. I should have known. You can't make a leopard change its spots. Today I took the receipts and went to see a domestic lawyer. I'm going to take him for every nickel I can get and that will be the gift from me to him as his No. 2 Valentine. -- Totally Sickened, Winnipeg
  • Get couples counselling or pull plug on marriage

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My relationship counsellor tells me I have a "credibility problem." I didn't have one until my wife went in and amended a few untruths I might have told in my defence. My wife told the lady I'd lied about everything from the size of my paycheque to the size of my manhood. Why? I had to, because they were ganging up. My wife thinks I'm underemployed because I won't work for her big-shot daddy. Worse, she now says I'm uncomfortably large, if there is such a thing. She never complained, no word of it causing her pain during sex before we married. In fact, she said she loved it. My wife is rewriting history, because she just doesn't like having sex anymore. She says, "I hate married sex. What happened to the lovemaking?"
  • Going home is not an option; it's time for you to see a lawyer

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm crying with embarrassment and shame. My husband of only eight months called me terrible names, and the worst words translated to "Come here, you overweight, ugly, woman's sex part and do what I tell you to do." I got a feeling he wanted to hurt me or rape me. His tone was so vulgar and mean -- and he wasn't even drunk. He was grabbing for my body. I had my car keys, and quickly drove to my parents. I haven't been back even for my clothes. I'm considering leaving him for good. I don't want to get pregnant and have babies with him. In fact, I never want to have sex with him again. He's good-looking but he's really ugly and cruel inside and a phoney "religious" guy. I've felt for the last few months he wants to go back to sleazy women like he used to see before he converted and met me. I wrote out on a piece of paper what he called me and gave it to my mom and dad. My dad said, "We will stand by you whatever you want to do. We'd really like you to move home."
  • Uh, tubby hubby? You're not the guy she married

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My darling wife of two years told me I had to "lose some pork" or she's leaving. We both started out this marriage really fit, and now I'm 75 pounds overweight. I admit I tend to lie on the couch and watch sports. Sex is a lot of work unless she's on top and does all the work. Otherwise I get out of breath. She said, "I'm not threatening you. I'm theatening the stranger you have become." Great. Well, isn't she shallow? I thought she was supposed to love the inner me forever. By the way, she doesn't look so hot most of the time, dragging her butt around here with a bad look on her face. Now when we go to bed, she just turns her back on me. Should I hire a personal trainer and make the supreme effort to get back into shape (and insist she start smartening up, too) or is it time to just leave her? -- Still The Same Guy, Winnipeg
  • He's no dummy: Local boy turns scare into TV appearance

    Dan Roberts of Crash Test Dummies fame appears to have another entertaining rival in his family. The Roberts clan was in front of their TV Sunday night to watch eight-year-old son Sidney's appearance on ABC's America's Funniest Home Videos.
  • Be upfront, have a lip-smackin' date

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm eating very self-consciously now because my best friend told me I smack my lips and it's not cool. I'm 14 and going through a lot, and I'm embarrassed enough as it is, like by my body changing and pimples and I had no idea I smacked my lips. Come to think of it, my mom told me that before a few times but I never listen to her because my dad says she's always overreacting. I finally got this girl I like to go out with me and now I'm afraid to take her anywhere there's food -- and there's always food, even at the movies, where there's popcorn. We have a date for Valentine's night for a movie. How should I handle this? -- Smack Habit, Winnipeg
  • Your loaded 'dance card' not for everyone

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I really don't understand all these whining "lonely hearts" who can't get their lives organized. I'm single, with a difference. I'm seldom alone, and never without affection and great sex whenever I want it. Here's the secret: I have male friends I only see once a week on a certain day. That way they know it is definitely casual, but caring. A one-night-a-week boyfriend knows this is not something heading for the altar, and he has freedom to see others. To be specific, one boyfriend I only see movies with -- and then back to my house for some intimate fun. Fridays after the work week, I go for cocktails and dancing with a very special friend who can really dance, and we shake off our stresses -- kiss good night, just buddies. Saturdays are reserved for a wine-expert friend of mine, and we always go out for wine and appies and a few hours of candlelight and romance at my place. Sundays I do winter sports with my special athletic guy, but we're not sexually involved. Here and there -- on free weeknights -- I see family and friends and meet online people for coffees that might be promising as a full-time boyfriend. When the right guy does come into my life, the other sweet part-time boyfriends will be gone, and no hard feelings. Why don't other single people organize their lives and enjoy life instead of waiting in front of the TV at home for Ms. or Mr. Right? Too lazy? -- Got My Act Together, Osborne Village
  • Go ahead and 'friend' your first love if he's single

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was sitting on a bus riding down Osborne Street South when I saw a face that looked familiar to me from my childhood. After a few minutes of bold staring, I realized it was my first love from Grade 4. OK, now he kind of looks like his dad, who used to come and pick him up from school -- and I suppose I look a little like my mom, but he was still major-league cute! Anyway, on a whim, I went and slipped into the empty bus seat beside him and said, '"Do you remember me?" and he looked for an eternal minute, and then slowly spelled out my short name. He always spelled it instead of saying it in school. Suddenly we were just like back in Grade 4, and couldn't think of much to say, except to grin at each other and say, "So how have you been?" back and forth. We were so excited to see each other. Then he got a dumb look on his face, and stuck his tongue out at me and laughed. That's what we used to do with each other in school at recess. So I stuck my tongue out, and laughed back. Then he noticed his bus stop had just passed, and raced to jump off the bus. I found him on Facebook easily but he won't be able to find me as my name changed when I was married. I'm divorced now. Should I ask to "friend" him on Facebook? I think we may live in the same neighbourhood again. He wasn't wearing a ring and I've been thinking about him ever since. -- Want To Connect, South Central Winnipeg
  • Details will hurt, but if you need answers...

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm 88 and a widower. After almost 60 years of marriage, I've found out my wife wasn't always faithful. I believe one of our so-called offspring is not my real son. His blood group means it's not possible for him to be my son. We had seven kids and all take good care of me, calling me on the phone and visiting. Now, of the parties involved in the triangle, there's just me and the other man. He's in a seniors home and I have no idea as to his health. I feel so betrayed. I gave my all to my wife, and refused to see the symptoms of this relationship and wouldn't believe it possible she'd do such a thing. So far I've been able to keep these facts away from the rest of the family, but I'm afraid sometime I might just blurt it out in family conversation. The kids all think the sun rises and sets on their mother and I don't wish that to change, but it's hard for me to sleep thinking about what has happened. I went to a mental-health professional, but that didn't help.
  • Talk to your husband about your sex calendar Miss Lonelyhearts

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Do I have a problem or not? My husband and I have been together a long time, but we aren't that old. We have sex about five times in a month-long period, over a cluster of a couple of days, and then nothing for quite as stretch. It can be up to four weeks, with nothing. I have ongoing medical female problems, so I'm fine with this and don't really initiate things, but also don't complain. I'm not one of these poor wives who just turns a blind eye to the fact that something else could be going on behind my back. However, I do keep an eye out for any suspicious cheating behaviours, but there haven't been any. My husband is a fairly attractive tall guy, but he is a homebody, a good father and goes to and from work regularly. There has been no suspicious behaviour.

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