Miss Lonelyhearts

  • Hush-hush bar fight leads to fidelity concerns

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and his brother had a fist fight. I know because my man came home with his mouth still crusted with blood at the corner. Meanwhile my sister-in-law had to take her husband to the hospital with a possible broken nose. The brothers have made some kind of pact to keep silent because my husband won't tell me anything. At the hairdresser's today, I heard two guys had a fight at the pub in the next town over a woman and one guy got his nose broken. I wanted to put my fingers in my ears and go "la-la-la" because I love my husband so much. It would break my heart if he was chasing women again. I know his type of woman. What should I do? -- Going Crazy Cuz He Won't Talk, North of 58
  • Dad feeling dumb after being caught smoking pot

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I came home smelling of grass. I don't drink much and my buddies were boozing it up, so I had a few tokes in the car before and after going to the bar. Unfortunately, the smell really clung to my jacket and hat. My wife raised hell when I got in the door about 11 p.m. "What kind of example are you to teenage kids? Blah, blah, blah!" That brought the kids out into the kitchen, where they smelled me and started laughing like it was cool. I guess my wife was right: I'm a dumb dad. I took off to the bedroom. -- Need Damage Control, Tuxedo
  • The buddy system can be complicated thing

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This is about Needing a Sex Buddy, the lady who has a sick husband, but still needs physical satisfaction. I have permission to have sex outside my marriage, but it is difficult moving forward on this as there is some danger in meeting singles, and other married people may have totally different intentions. Anyway, this lady sounds very respectful and I think she might be a match for me, or at least worth a try even if it's just some conversations. -- Needing One as Well, Manitoba
  • Scandinavian-style spa steaming up Fort Garry

    World-class Therm´a spa -- the second built in Canada by Nordik Spa Group -- is finally opening at the Crescent Drive Golf Course in Fort Garry on Jan. 15. Cruise by 781 Crescent Dr. and check out the Alpine-style multi-peaked chateaus. Sensual enjoyments include hot and cold outdoor pools, sauna, cosy outdoor sleeping-bag hammocks, steam rooms with eucalyptus and rose petals and top-to-bottom body treatments in the special rooms inside. In a phone interview from Quebec, spa spokeswoman Marianne Trotier says they've finished everything major and are just putting on finishing touches. The first giant Nordik spa sits near Ottawa, just inside the Quebec border.
  • Marry who you want, don't invite co-workers

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My complicated relationship with my on-again/off-again boyfriend is starting to become serious. It started really good, but after five years he changed and cheated on me. My family, friends and co-workers in the office know this. I left him. He asked me back and promised never to cheat again. I tried, but I guess it was too soon and I had trust issues, which caused me to accuse him of things and fight with him a lot, although he tried showing me every way how sorry he was. It ended again. Three years later, he's back in my life and we are having the best time, like the old days. The chemistry is still there! I forgive him, and although I will never forget, I don't even think about it. I tried dating in those three years and there was nothing but disappointments and missing him. The problem is my family does not approve and I know my co-workers will judge. My friends are somewhat supportive, but concerned.
  • Volunteers line up to help woman looking for special friend

    DEAR READERS: Many warm and enthusiastic male readers responded to the woman who wants to stay with her unwell husband who can no longer have sex, but has given her permission to have a sex buddy. Here are a few lines from letters received, with messages for us to pass on: First, the cautious: "I am a white male in the similar situation as her and I wish I could meet her for coffee or supper and have a friendly chat." Next group, the forthright fellows: "I'd be willing to lend my services to help this mature, older women in her sexual satisfaction." Then there was a wistful husband whose wife had completely lost interest: "My wife and I will never leave each other as we do still love each other. She has recently given me the same freedom..." And, as you suspected, gentle readers, there were the eager name-the-date type, such as this fellow's quick note: "Wednesdays and Thursdays are perfect. Please pass my email to her."
  • Stinky husband has wife dreading the bed

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband doesn't take enough baths or showers in the winter. He says it's too cold. That means I don't want to get too close to him in bed. Ewww! And I don't want him to use more cologne to cover it up. What should I do? -- Can't Abide Stinky, Rural Manitoba Dear Can't Abide: With a guy, you can be fairly direct. Say to him, "Want to know the secret to having more sex with me? Take more baths and showers and come to bed smelling of soap. See what happens!" Then make good on your promise.
  • Abusive relationships not worth fighting for

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend is tough on me. We are both 17 and she comes from a culture where slapping, biting and kicking is OK. Her siblings fight like that all the time. I've watched it happen. I come from a family where no one ever hits anyone, but they yell. My girlfriend keeps telling me to loosen up, that the yelling we do is no better than what they do at their house. Last Friday, she kicked me in the shin hard for being late. I called her names, got in my dad's car and went home. She got on the bus and came to my parents' house to yell at me for leaving her stranded.
  • Archie Bunker of a father no fun at Christmas

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Help! I love Christmas, with the exception of my dad's lengthy visit. He always overstays his welcome, upsets my kids with his racism, rudeness and comments about their grandma and my kids' dad. He also belittles my best friend because of her weight and sexual orientation. He drinks excessively and it makes his attitude worse. This year my boyfriend is living with me. My dad acts like he doesn't exist, other than by making snide comments. It is so uncomfortable for everyone and I absolutely dread his visits. I don't want to feel this way. I love my dad and he is alone in another city. I'm all he has. My dad adores me and my kids, but no one else. I have tried talking to him and he acts like I'm in the wrong. He doesn't agree that he treats people terribly.
  • She needs lovin', but husband is only huggin'

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Where can I find a safe, healthy sex buddy? My husband has been ill for several years and won't be getting better again. He doesn't want sex, and nothing more than a gentle hug, which I am more than happy to supply. He used to be very sexual and told me he doesn't mind if I have a "friend" for physical needs as long, as I keep it secret from him and everybody else. At first, I was so touched by his generosity, I wouldn't even entertain it. (I will never abandon him.) But now, another year has gone by and no one has touched me in a sensual way. I feel the need, the ache and the desire to hold someone close. Does anyone out there have any tips for me on meeting a "friend" like this? And don't suggest sex toys, because I already have those. I want a man in his bed with me. I am quite athletic and affectionate. -- Needing a Sex Buddy, Winnipeg
  • Sleeping in separate beds not a good move

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is talking about sleeping in separate bedrooms and I am against it. She says she gets too hot "sleeping beside a furnace." (That's me.) I see it as the beginning of the end for spontaneous middle-of-the-night sex, cuddling before and after sleeping, recovery from nightmares she has -- that's a whole lot of intimacy gone. My parents slept in separate bedrooms and I always thought it was sad. No one explained to me until I was an adult that they still had a sex life when they both wanted it. Even so, I want more than that. Help! -- Want Her To Stay, River Heights
  • Family dinners stink, and it's not the menu

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I sat beside my wealthy grandmother at the family dinner last weekend and she expelled gas through the whole thing. There was never an "excuse me" or "sorry" to the poor people at the table. It was gross, and her heirs said nothing. That counts my parents, who could do with some of her money. My poor mom says grandma probably feels she's "entitled" at 80 to do what she wants after so many years of holding it in. I think someone should speak to her about her manners or her diet, or both. I know I will sit far away from her from now on unless we're eating outside and there's a wind. That's too bad because Gram and I used to be close. Don't you think older people should be as respectful as younger people?
  • Doctor thinks something not quite right with ugly leg bite

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm annoyed at my doctor, and embarrassed. I got bitten by my passionate boyfriend on the leg and had a doctor's appointment the next day where she asked me if I was being abused. I am definitely not, but it looked that way to her. I assured her we were just playing around and she gave me a pitying look. Now I feel like she thinks I'm lying when I'm not. How do I convince her my boyfriend is not biting me for bad reasons? -- No Big Deal, North Kildonan
  • Superhero fantasy has boyfriend feeling like Robin, not Batman

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Last night the girlfriend I've been seeing for three years confessed to me that the only way she can achieve sexual fulfillment is if she thinks about something else while we are making love. This "something else" is an animated action figure. Ever since I met her I knew she had a fascination for this character and she spent a lot of time watching movies and collecting items related to this fictional creation. Our love life seemed good. We would do different role-playing, dress up in costumes, try different positions and do it in different locations. Knowing her interest in this particular entity, I have tried to include it our role-play sessions, but she found it ridiculous. Needless to say, after hearing this my ego has taken a severe beating and when we make love again, I will always wonder if emotionally she is with me or her superhero.
  • Superhero fantasy has boyfriend feeling like Robin, not Batman

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Last night the girlfriend I've been seeing for three years confessed to me that the only way she can achieve sexual fulfillment is if she thinks about something else while we are making love. This "something else" is an animated action figure. Ever since I met her I knew she had a fascination for this character and she spent a lot of time watching movies and collecting items related to this fictional creation. Our love life seemed good. We would do different role-playing, dress up in costumes, try different positions and do it in different locations. Knowing her interest in this particular entity, I have tried to include it our role-play sessions, but she found it ridiculous. Needless to say, after hearing this my ego has taken a severe beating and when we make love again, I will always wonder if emotionally she is with me or her superhero.
  • Getting that perfect smile probably won't land dentist

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I've been going to the same dentist for years. He's an OK-looking guy, but nothing to write home about. I suggested my girlfriend should also starting seeing him as her dentist. She came out of his office with a big romantic reaction to him, and now is planning a major smile overhaul. He's single at the moment, he's a doctor of sorts and her mother always wanted her to marry one, but this is ridiculous. I don't want to listen to her anymore when she raves on about him. How can they even have a two-way conversation in the next six months while he renovates her face? I think she's just in love with his credentials. She's talking about waiting until she has "a smile he falls in loves with" and then she'll put the moves on him romantically. Yech. What should I do? -- Referral Backfired, Broadway
  • Good Samaritan could have been wallet thief

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I lost my wallet in my neighbourhood and advertised it at the grocery store, with a fairly big reward. This woman came by the next day with the wallet and collected the money. I was so grateful! I found out, once I closed the door, the wallet didn't have my credit card in it. I quickly called the credit card company and had it cancelled -- no harm had been done yet. Do you think that same person had the credit card in her pocket and planned to use it?
  • Cut off ties with your phoney-baloney cousin

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I feel like beating up a cousin who's a leech. Although he has charm to burn -- he's Mr. Fun Guy -- he never has a job. Worse, he has wily ways of getting money and tools and other goods out of me. I never see the money or the borrowed stuff again. This week really took the cake. He managed to borrow a lawn mower from me -- an unusual riding one -- in the fall, which I never got back. A friend called to say he saw it online for sale. I answered the ad and he denied everything in the face of all the facts.
  • Alcohol-free wine will stop fighting and crying

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My parents are well-dressed winos who make our Christmas dinners horrible because they both get blitzed. They wave their glasses of white wine around as if they're sophisticated drinkers, although they don't know or care which brand of wine it is after the first drink. They like to say, "Everyone should have a glass or two a day for their health." It's more like one or two bottles a day for them. My father becomes louder and more argumentative with each glass. He argues with my husband who's usually a sweet, mild-mannered man, but he gets riled by the bullying and finally argues back. My mother, on the other hand, becomes maudlin in the kitchen, bringing up everyone who has died in the family and shedding tears into her glass.
  • Time to face the facts: True love didn't love you

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Six years ago I tragically had to say goodbye to the love of my life. His old girlfriend came back and said she was four months pregnant and it was his child. It actually was his baby. I didn't know he was still seeing her when he was seeing me in the beginning. He was sleeping with both of us for a few months. I told him to get lost and that he had broken my heart in pieces. He got back together with her then, and they are still a couple. This wouldn't bother me so much anymore except they just moved into my neighbourhood and I was forced to see the three of them shopping at my local grocery store. I was so choked I couldn't even pay for my groceries, and I just ran out of the store. Now I am grieving all over again.
  • Under the I, infidelity with loving bingo buddy

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm a happy-go-lucky curvaceous woman tied to a grumpy man. We are both in our 70s and I'm making plans to leave him. My daughter (bone-skinny, 51, and still living with us) has said the equivalent of this more than once: "Why bother? You're fat, and your life is almost over, anyway." Little does she know I have another man in the picture. I met him at bingo in the next town. He and I are crazy about each other. When I leave my husband, he has invited me to live with him "in sin" in his town. What a fuss that will cause with all the old biddies in this place.
  • Solid sober friends the key to your new lifestyle

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I've been in recovery for just over a year and my life is so much better -- happy, joyous and free. I have my family again and am building trust with them. I have new clean and sober friends, both male and female. The thing is I'm very lonely and I miss my ex-boyfriend. I don't miss how he treated me (he was mentally and emotionally abusive), but I do miss the closeness: holding hands, hugs and snuggling. It's not about the sex. When I meet someone I'm attracted to I can chat with them, but when it comes to going out for coffee, I freeze. I back off and avoid the guy. What's wrong with me? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- Lonely and Unsure, Winnipeg
  • Brother-in-law a snake who will bring you down

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My sister's husband is all over me like a rash when no one is looking. He whispers things to me at family dinners and he makes me giggle. He never phones me or anything, but he plays games with me when people are around. Like if we play board games as a family, he sits beside me and has his hand on my thigh. I kind of like playing with my bro-in-law because my husband is so serious, and this guy makes me laugh. However at Thanksgiving, the flirty guy caught me in the upstairs hallway and pushed me against the wall and kissed me. We ended up in the bathroom kissing against the closed door. I kissed him back real hard, and if someone hadn't come up the stairs looking for me, we would have been God knows where -- maybe in the bathtub doing something bad. We're going to my sister's place on Christmas for dinner and my stomach is already fluttering. I know this is wrong. What should I do? -- Crush on Bro-In-Law, St. Boniface
  • Expect a blue Christmas if you exchange jewelry

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I went out Christmas shopping early for my live-in love and bought her a diamond pendant, of the showy type she would like, but it seems I blew it. I think she found out already, as she is very snoopy and in the past has gone on a treasure hunt before the big day. I am a stupid guy who doesn't learn and always expects the best from everyone. She has been bringing up Christmas presents this week and asking what I might want "after a year of living with each other." She says it with a sulky attitude. I know she wants an engagement ring. It just ain't happening, and maybe not for a few years. I need to see if she matures into the kind of woman I want for a wife and mother of our kids. She's great in bed and lots of fun, but she's irresponsible and quits jobs regularly, as if it's nothing and I can carry her half of the mortgage and car payments. Also, she doesn't cook, bake or clean up after herself. I do it all. What kind of mother would she be?
  • Potential office romance off to a stinky start

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I've fallen in lust with a man at the office I can smell from my desk. He often forgets to wear his deodorant, or it doesn't work, but anyways, I like it. I get a faint sense of primitive man floating over to my desk, and I'm aroused. It is hard to work when I feel like this, so I sometimes just give in to it and go talk to him. Or, I follow him to the coffee room and try to sit at his table. He seems a little surprised whenever I come after him. He's single, not dating anybody and he's a little bit short and dorky for most women, but then I'm tiny. Is it so wrong to want him when I work with him? We are equals at work -- both junior pawns. What should I do next? -- Love His Manly Smell, North Kildonan

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