Miss Lonelyhearts

  • Son needs to get help for troubled girlfriend

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My son turned 18 this year and started dating a 16-year-old girl. I felt trouble from the moment she came into my home. For example, I have younger kids she ignored and she didn't want to interact with the family. She began giving my son kisses on the lips within five minutes of meeting me, which I found completely disrespectful. I decided she might have been nervous, and told my son, "Let's try this again." She came over, and an hour later, I went downstairs to find them making out and her dry-humping the air. I told my son to take her home. My son recently found out she went off birth control behind his back and told him she was purposely trying to get pregnant so he couldn't leave her. She also threatened suicide. My son told her to get help and he will wait for her. I am beside myself with worry, as he is very young to wait for a girl who obviously needs help, and this is an abusive relationship (to him). He is also waiting on a large settlement of money, and she went around her town saying she will soon be a millionaire. I don't know what to do. Please help! -- Worried Mom, Manitoba Dear Mom: Can you gently persuade your son to see someone to talk about his girlfriend's suicide threats, and the best actions to take? That counsellor may also be able to help him break away from the relationship. Normally, sons are against listening too closely to mom's advice. The Klinic crisis line (204-786-8686) will also have good advice and resources for him.
  • You are just a pit stop in life for indifferent lover, so drive on

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I've been dating this amazing man for seven months. He makes me melt, I'm so in love with him! But he's so busy he doesn't even have time for dinner. He just sees me once a week -- not going out, just his place or mine. I'm not needy nor do I want much, but he wants to come over late when I worked all day and am really tired, have sex and then sleep. It makes me feel cheap. I feel like all his projects are more important than me. Thank you. -- Just a Little Time, Winnipeg Dear Just a Little: Why should you starve on the golden crumbs he offers once a week? Why should you want just a little? Most men would give a girlfriend respect, love, attention, socializing, companionship and friendship. What you are getting now wouldn't be enough for any woman except a cool sex buddy, but you already have seven months of tender feelings, and it hurts more and more.
  • Stress to conceive is killing your relationship

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have been married four looooong years. I used to think my wife was the best invention God ever made. Now that I know her a lot better, and endure her annoying habits daily -- the whining, the pout when she doesn't get her way, her obsession with cleanliness, her disgust with beer (a sophisticated person drinks wine, apparently), her expensive creams for cellulite and the pointless singing lessons. Worst of all, her determination to get pregnant makes me crazy. We are in our 20s, for God's sake. Every month she isn't pregnant is a freaking drama, but the weirdest thing is now I notice little things about her that I detest, like a small cavity in her front bottom tooth, the half-inch of visible dark hair before her dye job starts and the way her butt is growing out the sides. Is this normal, or are we in serious trouble? Why does every little thing she does annoy me, including the squeaking of her running shoes when she walks? -- Her Damn Husband, Winnipeg
  • Disastrous dinner date potentially dangerous

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I went out for dinner with an intelligent man, though one definitely used to running the show. He wanted to order for both of us and he ordered us both food done on a grill. I was worried, as I've had trouble after eating barbecued meat before. I told him, but he pooh-poohed that idea. The charred black stuff on my steak, which you could easily see, worked on my guts throughout the dinner. By the time it was finished, I ran to the bathroom and was in there for 25 minutes. When I came back, my date was red-faced and angry. "Where the hell did you go?" he demanded, loud enough for people to hear and look over. I told him I was sick from the dinner. "That was a perfectly good steak," he said. "You were probably in there talking on the phone to some guy!" At that point, my temper broke and I told him off, threw money on the table and took a cab home. He was been phoning several times a day since, and even sent flowers to my work. What should I do -- give him another chance? I don't like him, but he's making me feel mean. -- Polite Winnipegger, River Heights
  • Move away from 'god' and find a single man

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm in love with my next door neighbour, who is married. I'm 24, living at home, and totally in awe of this god among men. He's 36, a loving, affectionate husband, a great father to his little kids and really nice to the dog. He and his wife invite me to use their pool when they're home, and I do. I find myself staring at him, and go home and dream about him all night. I feel guilty about my sexual fantasies because I really like his wife, too. Don't tell me to stay away from them, because I can't! I just find none of my dates or short-term boyfriends can even come close to this man, so I dump them after a few weeks. They are mostly a bunch of self-centered adolescents. Do you think I need an older man? Maybe I should just go after guys in his age range, but how do I find them when I am still only 24 and most guys in their mid-30s are married? I have a good career already and am looking to get married and have a family. -- Out of Synch with Immature Men, Southdale
  • Boyfriend goes tit-for-tat with body-part insult

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I pointed out, with some attempt at humour, that one of my boyfriend's testicles is quite a bit bigger than other and he should get the big one checked out for cancer. He went to the doctor and doesn't have testicular cancer or cancer of any kind, but now he's self-conscious about having one ball bigger than the other, and my seeing it. I could care less. Testicles are not that interesting to women. I said: "I was just trying to be helpful when I told you." He made a face. This morning he took great pleasure in telling me my right breast is bigger than my left one. I said, "I'm perfectly aware of that and have had the mammograms. I am just fine." Then he said in a sarcastic voice, imitating me, "I was just trying to be helpful." Last night we slept on opposite sides of the bed. Please help with this stupid spat. -- Shivering in the Cold, St. Vital
  • World traveller needs adventurous homebody

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Lately, I've noticed a lot of girls my age who like to travel and they always ask me if I like to travel, too. I feel a lot of pressure when this question is asked because I have a mortgage and other expenses and these make travelling the last thing I want to do. I have a healthy financial reserve thanks to years of disciplined saving and plan to keep it that way. Is there anything I can say to these women with confidence without turning them away? It seems if I say I do not plan on travelling any time soon, then they lose interest in me. I've been all over the world already and, yes, there are more places I want to see, but not right now. Maybe I am over-analyzing this and should just stay away from these "travellers," but I just can't seem to find anyone who doesn't need to fly away every year. Thoughts? -- Staying Put, Winnipeg
  • Never too late to stop being out-of-shape slob

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: All my life my mother has favoured my brother over me. I used to play a lot of video games and he was always active as a kid. My brother happens to be a very successful runner and, as a result, gets all the glory in our family. Things came to a boiling point this past long weekend when my brother called me out for being an "out-of-shape slob" all my life and sacrificing the health of my body. He said now I'm an adult, it's too late to have a decent one. My mom then chimed in and told me I should have started running at least 10 years ago. I felt like hitting her. I just left. What should I do? -- Feeling Defeated, St. Vital Dear Defeated: You need to find your own glory and it should have nothing to do with competitive running. That means moving out of the house, going after what you love and excelling in it. It also means shutting down your mother and brother when they open their mouths to make nasty comparisons and predictions about your health and fitness. This sports comparison bully gang is finished, if you decide to stop it. Now you're an adult, you can shut those doors. The moment one of them begins, you put your hand up and say out loud: "Stop right there." Tell them: "No more of that nonsense. I'm off now." They will soon learn that obnoxious behaviour is cut off the moment it starts.
  • Possible sister-switch making husband twitch

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My sister and I are identical twins. We married two guys who knew each other distantly as we were growing up. They were aware of us when we lived in the same area, and we were not very wild then -- kind of nerdy. But then my sister and I went away to university together and had a lot of crazy fun -- we double-dated and switched each other's dates in the middle of the evening a few times. My husband is far too fascinated with these stories. I know he fantasizes this will happen to him sometime without his knowing it. This is never going to happen. We are grown-up women now and my sister actually finds my short husband rather unattractive. He'd hate hearing that. Her husband's OK for looks, but not my kind of guy. She and I still look like Tweedledum and Tweedledee -- same weight, hair colour, haircuts and a lot of matching outfits. It's just something we still like to do, but playing around sexually is not happening anymore. What to do, Miss L.? -- Ouch for Him, Winnipeg
  • Your roommate's taken, and, um... he's not gay

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I've recently found myself drawn to my "taken" but sexy male roommate. The only problem is that he has a girlfriend, who comes over regularly. I don't want to be a home-wrecker or anything but I feel this amazing connection between us. I've even found myself watching him while he's sleeping, just to be around him as much as possible. Since I just moved to Winnipeg I also don't want to make things awkward. I don't know anyone in the city, and he's the only friend I have. Please help, because I really like him, but don't want to ruin our friendship. -- Cowardly Lion, Wolseley
  • Don't delay telling new girl about jailbird days

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Long, long ago I was in jail. I have been a law-abiding citizen since then. My wife knew all about my problems in my youth. She and I have split up, and are still friends. Now this old jailbird problem has kicked up again. I have a new girlfriend of three months and she doesn't know about the jail time in my past. It was nothing violent, but my friends and I got caught a few times for the same thing and got thrown in jail. I learned a big lesson from it. Should I tell her about this? If so, when? -- Feeling Guilty, Winnipeg
  • Don't dare lust after 'yummy mummy'

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: It's gotten to the point where I'm just seeing my boring and immature girlfriend so I can see her gorgeous mother. My girlfriend is six years younger than I am, and crazy jealous. Her mother is only 34 and looks 28. She had her daughter in high school. My buddies call her the "yummy mummy." I think she likes me. She always calls me "Handsome Dude." She has a boyfriend in his 30s, and the guy's flabby. I lift weights five times a week. She doesn't flirt with me (obviously she can't), although she cooks for me a lot and makes sure I always have a drink in my hand. We were all out by her rich boyfriend's pool this summer, and there was no comparing his body to mine. I saw her looking. I would like to break up with this girlfriend and see someone else. The truth is I'd really like to start seeing her mother someday. Any suggestions? -- Big Guy, Winnipeg
  • Openness keeps the kinky from feeling hinky

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend and I got into a silly, teasing fight. We started play-fighting and he chased me around the apartment -- and then he turned me over his knee and spanked me. I got really turned on and we had crazy sex. Does this mean we're kinky forever? Will he expect this every time? What else is he going to want? I'm afraid we have opened a can of worms. Please help! I'm so embarrassed. -- Silly Girl Dear Silly: People sometimes do impulsive things when they're all keyed up sexually, and this may be one of those things. Remember, you're in control of what you do with your body, now and forever. Your boyfriend may also be wondering what's going to happen next. This could be a one-time thing or something you do every once in a while. That means you have to develop signals, like key words, for when you want to play this way again.
  • Threesome's lonesome turn could have many explanations

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We live in a ménage--trois situation -- two women, one man. We're quite happy with it, except our man is on the road so much, we only get to see him on weekends, and that's not enough. We both entered into this relationship because we wanted more, not less, out of love and sex -- expanding our horizons. When he gets home Friday nights, he's wonderful -- flowers for both of us, big bags of groceries and wine, and we spend a lot of time in the bedroom. We are young-ish (our 20s) with no kids in the picture. He is in his 30s.
  • Mail a letter to clear air with fickle summer love

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm bleeding directly from the heart. I was in love with a girlfriend for the whole summer, but when she went home from our summer job at the same place, she disappeared. You should know I'm also female. "It was a wonderful secret adventure. You are so special and I just love you," she said, as she kissed me goodbye in the woods. That "secret" word sounded suspicious to me, and it was. When I got home she had blocked me from her electronics completely. I have a lot of friends on Facebook. I found someone who actually lives in her small town.
  • Honour late hubby privately to spare new mate

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I get depressed regularly in July because that's the anniversary month of my husband's heart attack and death. This is very hard on my new husband of two years. I don't know how to prevent it from happening because my first husband meant so much to me. After this happened again in July, he went disturbingly quiet and we finally had a big fight over it this week. My new husband bitterly said I do it "to honour someone who isn't even aware of my mourning." Maybe he has a point. I know it's hard on my new marriage. But what else can I do with these feelings? What do you think? -- Trouble With New Husband, Winnipeg
  • Send new guy walking if he doesn't like squawking

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm 19 and have three cats and a funny squawky bird. I love them all and they love me. My new boyfriend has a large guard dog who has come to my place once, caused a commotion and was actively licking his chops as he snarled at my cats and my bird screaming in his cage. Neither one of us is prepared to give up our pets for the other. He thinks mine are stupid. How could we ever get married? What now? -- New Love in Trouble, Winnipeg Outskirts
  • Take your 'hot pants' to a truly cool guy

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend jokingly calls me "Hot Pants" because I'm always ready for sex. He isn't. That's why it's not a joke. He loves my loving and affectionate nature and my sense of humour, but I know he's calling me names to cool me off. It's working. I now feel ashamed of my high sex drive. Should I try to cool off or dump him? -- Passionate Woman, Tuxedo Dear Passionate: Dump this guy on his head, girlfriend. Do you know how many men would love to have a warm, affectionate, loving, funny woman to cherish? Never stay with anyone who belittles you. You have so much to offer a great guy.
  • Let feelings be your guide with kissing cousin

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I had dinner across from my hot-looking second cousin once removed, or so my mother calls it. We were, oddly enough, not feeling removed at all. In fact, the only removing that went on was our wandering away from the farm celebration and into the woods, where we kissed passionately against a tree. He is something else. I told my sister what had gone on when we disappeared and she told my mother, who gave me a talking to. What is the harm in perhaps dating your second cousin once removed? I am 28. -- Kissin' Cousins, Dauphin
  • Embrace your luscious size, then he will too

    DEAR MS. LONELYHEARTS: Where do big women go to meet men in this province? Yes, I'm a big woman, but I'm active and take good care of myself. I have tried online dating on and off over the last few years, but most men I meet there want just a "friends with benefits" situation, or are looking for someone to take care of them. I'm 37, with two older teenage boys, am generally happy with my life, but it would be nice to meet someone. I volunteer in Winnipeg, go to events there regularly and meet lots of interesting people, and many attached males (which are hands off).
  • Don't even consider 'trial affair' route with ex

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm still in love with my first husband. There, I said it for the first time. Don't get me wrong. I'm happily married to a very nice man who rescued me from my first husband who was supposedly having an affair. I believed what other people told me. The "other woman" was younger and didn't deny it when I confronted her in tears. I only found out the truth from her sister a few months ago. It has been driving me crazy me ever since! They had been working together and she had a crush on him and made up the story and told her best friend who told others, and it quickly got back to me. He and I had only been married a year.
  • Call authorities to resolve spat with nude neighbour

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My 30-something neighbour lies out in the backyard by her pool in the bottom half of a string bikini, bare-breasted. I have three teenage boys with bedrooms on the back of our two-storey house, and a clear view of this woman by her pool. In July I told her that her fence isn't high enough to shield the boys from seeing her, and she said, "Pull the curtains." She persisted in sunbathing semi-nude. Last week, one of my boys said she sometimes swims in the pool nude now. Enough! I marched over and told her to cover up, for the sake of my teenagers, and she said, "Your so-called boys are old enough! Your family is spying on me, including your creepy husband, so close your damn curtains!" I called her a tramp and a few other names. Please help me. -- Helpless Against Peep Show, Winnipeg
  • Put body-hating boyfriend out to pasture

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My live-in wants me to get a breast reduction. The word "cow" was mentioned! Now I don't even want to be in bed with him. We have a lease to the end of December. I am so upset and angry, I don't want to discuss it with him, and I don't know what to do any more. I just cry when he's not around. Please help. -- Love Me, Love My Breasts Dear Love My Breasts: "Cow?" What an insult! You certainly don't need this guy destroying your self-esteem with his cruel words and demands for an operation. Imagine if you told him you wanted him to get a penis augmentation! There's no fixing this relationship, and the lease is the least of your worries. Call your landlord about the change coming up and advertise for a sublet to take over the lease. You might sign it all over to your soon-to-be ex, if he wants to stay. It'd be best psychologically for you to start over in a new two-bedroom (no memories) with a friend as a roommate. You might also move in with your family for a bit, if they are loving and willing.
  • Use failing marriage to rethink sneaky love life

    DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have two men in my life and they are both beautiful human beings. I don't count my husband, because he is a bad person. He is a good breadwinner, but he is not a trustworthy man. He cheats on me every time I have a baby and am out of commission. That ugly discovery opened the door for me to see who else is out there. What I found was amazing. My lovers are both married -- and there is much necessary lying and covering up involved for us to keep this all underground. I do love them both very much.
  • It's OK to set some boundaries with your biological mom

    Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I found my missing biological mother and she's a real dud. She's ditzy, takes a lot of pills, and drinks hard liquor. Now she wants to introduce me around to all her big loser family and friends. I have met some of them, and that's enough -- a bunch of drunks and druggies. My adoptive mom was worried about my meeting her, and now I know why. I don't call my bio-mother Mom, for good reason. I'd like to say goodbye to my bio-mother now -- just like she did to me years ago. My adoptive mom says I should have an occasional visit with my bio-mom, so if I have any questions, I can ask. What do you think? -- Disappointed in "Real" Mother, Winnipeg

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