DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve been with my fiancé four years. After we got engaged, we had a terrible year with lots of fighting, breaking up, and getting back. We went to counselling, it worked, and we moved in together. Everything was great for months, But at the beginning of October, I got an email from a girl saying my fiancé had been cheating with her all summer. He claimed she was trying to extort money from him. I believed him and forgave him. Now after another month of no problems, two friends gave him an ultimatum — either me or their friendship.
They believe he can do better. This couple has never liked me, and I’m quite sure they have a girl they want to set my fiancé up with. My fiancé did not defend me or stand by me, but texted me to tell me to pack, that we needed time apart. Now he’s back and has told me I’m allowed to stay. I love this man, but I don’t know how much more I can take of a 29-year-old guy who lies and doesn’t defend me. — Want to Be His First Choice, Charleswood
Dear Want: "Allowed" to stay? How dare he! If there were an eject button for unworthy fiancés, your man would be flying sky high.
Face facts now. He doesn’t love you 100 per cent and you take a lot of abuse. You fight with him, break up, put up with his cheating (you heard me). Then he turfs you if someone else interesting comes by, taking friends’ advice to dump you — and by text? He’s a real rat.
Why do you keep hanging on? Do you really think there’s no one else in this world for you? Wrong! Drop this guy on his head. He needs the jolt and you need the freedom, plus significant personal counselling to build your self-esteem.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boss is a terrible dresser. He has a big corporate job for a young-ish man of 36 and he dresses like a slob. I offered to take him out shopping last weekend, out of pity. After we’d bought a bunch of clothes for him, he took me for a steak and drinks. Over drinks, he told me he’d always liked me — and now he knows I like him too.
But I don’t! I was just doing him a favour. Now I’m in the unenviable position of having him think I want him as a boyfriend at work. I already have a sex buddy and a guy I’m chasing. How do I tell him? He asked me for one date already, which I turned down on an excuse.
Help! I really need this job! — Not His New Girlfriend, Downtown
Dear Not: Play the good employee role, using this line: "We can’t be together because we work together" and try to exit that way.
Express regrets, but encourage him to keep climbing that ladder of success in his spiffy new clothes. Go on about all the possibilities open to him now he’s looking the part. Then stop responding to his requests for dates by saying, "You know how I feel about the wisdom of this."