DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: At Christmas I went to my hometown and went to a party with a lot of people gathered in the town hall. I ran into my big love from high school, as I knew I would.
I was ready, knowing he was recently separated and divorced after his wife had an affair. I was wearing a red dress as Lady in Red had been our song. When the dance music came on I handed the DJ a request. It had the magic effect expected and he asked me to dance. After the party, he asked me to drive to his house in my own car.
I did and we had a magical night making love. About 4 a.m. as I was leaving, he said to me: "I need you to know, I have a new girlfriend online, so I’m not totally up for grabs." I looked at his self-satisfied face and thought, "You dumb cluck!" — an expression of my dad’s.
Just because he’s one of two single guys his age in the area he must think its bachelor-auction time. I looked at him and said, "You’re quite the gentleman telling me after romancing me."
Since then he calls and leaves messages like he still thinks he’s in the running. What should I do?
— Finished With That Farmer, Winnipeg
Dear Finished: Call him when you don’t think he’ll be home and leave a message saying, "Have a happy new year, but don’t call me anymore." You didn’t mention who broke up with whom when you were young, but I’m guessing you gave him the breeze.
He evened things up by taking you home from the dance for some fun and games and then telling you to get in line. People may not think they hold grudges, but when the former love arrives back and presents her neck, it’s hard not to take a bite. He may be sorry now, but do you care?
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 14 and there’s this guy at school who likes me. We spent a lot of time together before Christmas and then he stayed at home a lot because it was too cold to take the bus to my place. I have been practising kissing him on my pillow at night. I really want to experience my first real kiss. I guess it wouldn’t be very cool to tell him I’ve been practising, but how do I get him to kiss me now? I mostly see him at school in class.
— Longing for My First Kiss, Winnipeg
Dear Longing: Unless you are going out together, it would seem out of place to reach up and steal a kiss. Instead, try to establish a relationship with him at school. If you can get into some extra- curricular activities that he’s also in you’ll see him more. Try to get into group projects with him in class and meet to work on them. Then you can hit a restaurant for coffee together.
Once you have a relationship, however new, it is more appropriate to kiss.
Boldly asking would be very chancy.
He would probably do it, but it might feel like lips-on-lips without the feeling behind it that makes a kiss special.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Why does my girlfriend giggle when we get close to making love? Is she laughing at my arousal? What is that all about? I don’t like it.
— Confused By Her Giggling, Downtown
Dear Confused: She giggles because she’s feeling nervous about what’s coming up. She may not be ready for full-on sex or she may just be feeling unsure of her role and what caress is expected of her next. Maybe she doesn’t want to go any further and hopes the laughing will slow things down. Ask her in a sympathetic way why she starts to laugh just when things are getting really hot, and watch her face closely as she talks to you.
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