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Go, Alouettes!

Truth be told, I don’t hate any province. But as a Bomber fan, I strongly dislike Saskatchewan between the months of June and November

By: Bartley Kives

30/11/2009 7:23 AM | Comments: 7

Well before the days when Canadian football ratings skyrocketed and TSN broadcast every game, the Grey Cup was way more popular than the Canadian Football League itself.

This was supposed to be due to the fact Canadians will take any excuse to get loaded. But the reality is, those of us who drink don’t need an excuse.

Personally, I believe the Grey Cup has always captured the collective imagination of a far-flung nation because there are places in this huge country that some of us simply love to hate.

You know the stereotypes: Albertans are greedy rednecks. There are dope-smoking hippies in B.C., Newfoundlanders talk funny, Ontarians think they rule the country, les Québécois are snobs and those doily-knitting ninnies in P.E.I. won’t stop shoving Anne and her bloody Green Gables into our faces.

Truth be told, I don’t hate any province. But as a Bomber fan, I strongly dislike Saskatchewan between the months of June and November.

So while most of Winnipeg cheers on the Roughriders today, I’m pulling for the Montreal Alouettes. Here are just three reasons why:

1. Gainer The Gopher is a furry fraud

A couple of years back, members of Rider Nation were extremely upset when the Calgary Stampeders refused to allow Saskatchewan mascot Gainer the Gopher into McMahon Stadium.

Today, the oversized rodent still shouldn’t be allowed in, as he’s been crossing interprovincial borders under false pretenses.

According to Rider literature, Gainer the Gopher is supposed to be a Richardson’s ground squirrel, a common rodent found all across the Canadian prairies. But there are huge differences between ground squirrels — prolific breeders who’ve expanded their range on agricultural land — and real gophers, far more reclusive rodents with specialized digging claws and a greater aversion to being spotted above the ground.

Given Alberta’s well-documented aversion to allowing rodents to spread across its territory, the people of Calgary are completely justified to simply say no to Regina’s masquerading mascot.

After all, haven’t enough creatures from Saskatchewan attempted to jump the Alberta border in recent years? Perhaps it’s time for Premier Ed Stelmach to borrow a page from California’s playbook and erect a fence across the Cypress Hills.

2. Would you root for Mike O’Shaughnessy if he wore a helmet?
Late last month, Saskatchewan fullback Chris Szarka jumped from the football field into the political realm when he was elected city councillor for Regina’s Ward 10, which sits on the north side of the Saskatchewan capital.

Ward 10 is to Regina what Old Kildonan is to Winnipeg, as it covers ’burbs with quaint names like Argyle Park, Engelwood, Garden Ridge, Lakeridge, Uplands and Walsh Acre. But while Old Kildonan Coun. Mike O’Shaughnessy is looking forward to retiring, Szarka is just beginning to serve his constituents, apparently unaware being a politician is far less popular than being a Rider in Regina.

According to the National Post, Szarka ran on a platform of delivering a better return on taxpayers’ investment in their city. He wants to improve snow removal and other services... as if there are politicians out there who want to make service-delivery worse.

I don’t know about you, but I prefer it when football players confine their clichés to the locker-room and field.

3. There’s no such thing as Prairie solidarity

Many people in Winnipeg, including everyone from Free Press football columnist Randy Turner to Bomber defensive tackle Doug Brown, have endorsed the Riders in the Grey Cup because of some sort of solidarity with our Regina neighbours.

This is misguided, because we really don’t have much in common with people who live in the Saskatchewan capital, which is six hours and a cultural world away from Winnipeg.

Saskatchewan is a decentralized province where several small cities and many rural communities contribute to a hive identity.

Manitoba is nothing like that, as seven out of 12 people in this province live in Winnipeg and rarely gaze past the Perimeter.

Does that make us superior? Of course not. But this is an urban city unlike any other in Canada, let alone on the Prairies.

If I had to choose between Regina and Montreal, I’d pick the corrupt metropolis on the St. Lawrence any time. At least I could sink my teeth into a pile of smoked meat and an even meatier stack of scandals at city hall.

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7 Commentscomment icon

@Anon: My column appears in On7 on Sundays. It's printed online on Mondays.

Bartley

"So while most of Winnipeg cheers on the Roughriders today, I’m pulling for the Montreal Alouettes. Here are just three reasons why....."

Posted on line @ 30/11/2009 7:23 AM.

Bart,I hope you had this article put in your other paper first, otherwise, you posted after the winner was known. Not that it matters really, but just keeping you honest.

Saskatchewan played a better game today, but Montreal was the better team overall for the season. Just think what the next match will be like next season between these two teams!

Hey Wiz... how's that humble pie taste? Did you cut it into 12 pieces, or 13?

Couldn't watch the game, wasn't on a television channel available to moi, so I'll have to wait for endless, mind numbing, re-hashes at work over the next fifteen years! I've heard rumors it was a good game though.

love the article, yea for Montreal! My rider friends were the most ungracious winners two years ago and I am okay with the turn of events last night.

Good column, Mr. Kives!

You forgot to mention the karmic aspect of this whole thing, which is very appealing to those of us old enough to remember the 1972 Western Final, when Saskatchewan came into Winnipeg and beat us on a last-play field goal on their second try, after missing the first attempt but getting a reprieve due to a Bomber penalty. I was at that game (Salisbury House Kids' Zone - the ticket cost $2, which was double the regular price because it was a playoff game), and for the 13-year-old me, it was just about the worst moment of my life up to that point.

So I only had to wait 37 years for payback, and it couldn't have happened in a more satisfying manner.

Here's your reality...you live in Winnipeg, which is far inferior to Montreal and any town or city in Saskatchewan. Winnipegger's are great at pointing out the fault's of others, but have a tough time being realistic about their own city. If your a Rider or an Alouette fan you have the luxury of cheering for your own team come playoff team, whereas Bomber fans can only wish they something to be proud of on the field.

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