DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I left my latest girlfriend over her menagerie of pets and the baby talk she used with them, which particularly sickened me. When I talked to her about that, she said, "Oh sweetums, you a wee bit jeawous of my widdow birdies and kitties?" Yuck! And that nonsense came from the mouth of a woman in her 30s who manages her own big business.
Why do some grown women, who are businesslike with their employees, talk baby talk like this at home? I think it’s sickening. — Couldn’t Leave Fast Enough, Elmwood
Dear Couldn’t: Animals don’t understand a lot of words, but they know from a high baby talk tone that something good is coming up, like food or petting. So, most animals seem to like it, although some cats will squirm away in disgust. Why does this lady do it? She probably started when no one else was around and it provided a feeling of love for her too. She doesn’t understand you, as a grownup, might find it repulsive. There’s nothing you can do about a baby talker who’s so into it she can’t even knock it off for five minutes when it’s pointed out to her. After that final performance, you were wise to exit stage left.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has an amazing body and is great in bed. He seemed to love sex with me, but all of a sudden, this spring, he doesn’t want to do it with me at all. He doesn’t seem frustrated about the lack of it, although I am climbing the walls after more than a month of nothing.
About the time he stopped having sex with me, he joined a new co-ed baseball team and seems to be away a lot at practices. He also comes home late from the pub get-togethers after the games, but doesn’t smell like booze. He came home once with his hair wet. I asked if they had showered at the field, and he didn’t answer. Now his hair is never wet.
Last night I asked him if I could come and watch a game and join them for a beer after. He seemed startled and said a quick and sarcastic, "No! You think we have fans at our level?" Do you think he’s cheating? Should I show up at the next game? — Suspicious Wife, Winnipeg
Dear Suspicious: Good luck getting the schedule and the whereabouts of the next game. It sounds like he’s up to bat at another woman’s house. It’s suspicious when a partner who loves sex suddenly doesn’t want it with his/her partner any more, and doesn’t seem frustrated. He may be getting action somewhere else or he may have contracted a sexually-transmitted infection that needs a course of treatment, so he can’t touch you right now. Also, when some people have affairs, they are "’true" to the new paramour by not sleeping with their partners, or they dole out infrequent uninspired maintenance sex to block suspicion.
When he’s tired and doesn’t have his wits about him, ambush him. Ask him outright if he’s got another sex partner, and state the reasons you think so. He may hold the line, or crumble and confess and possibly suggest an end to the marriage, especially if he says he doesn’t want any counselling. Be prepared for that possibility by seeing a domestic lawyer right away, and then ask your husband those scary questions.
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