Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Ask Dad out for lunch, see what happens

  • Print

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My dad was very young when he had me (16) and he's never tried to have a relationship with me. I always had to fight to have a relationship with him. I first met him when I was 13. We had an OK relationship. We talked, played video games, went places but once he met his new wife, he just didn't care and I feel so hurt. I just miss my dad. I haven't seen him in about a year. He doesn't even phone to see if I'm OK. He's always too "busy." But since my dad married, he cares more for my "step-monster" and her kids, rather than me. He even missed my birthday. I'm now debating if I should make an effort for Father's Day! I just miss my dad so much! -- Hurt Daughter, Winnipeg

Dear Hurt: Parents who leave an older child behind while bonding to a new wife and family of kids are conveniently rewriting history. He wants to please his new wife and kids telling himself you no longer need him. He is trying to ignore the fact he screwed up as a father to you. By all means, phone him on Father's Day. Tell him you miss him and you'd like to start seeing him for lunch every couple of weeks. Telling him how hurt you are will just make him feel guilty about being the kind of guy he is, and he might shy away from that kind of confrontation. Let him know what you need him for -- advice, companionship, gaming fun together like before, even casual face time, having a meal and getting caught up. Ask him which day would work for him in the next two weeks, and set up a time to take him out for Father's Day lunch. If he doesn't respond to this invitation, write him a letter telling him how hurt you feel about being ignored, and send it where his wife can't intercept it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a wonderful, intelligent and funny man two months ago. He has every trait I value in a man I'd want to be with, from his amazing looks and character, to even being flawed enough so I feel I can show my true side and not feel that I am a letdown. He is also extremely honest, which sometimes hurts. But the problem is that he does see my flaws and always makes a big deal of them, to point them out, where I let his slide. If he acts childish, I sometimes comment, and then am done with it. He seems, every few days, to have this talk with me, no matter how well our time together went, that I might not be right for him because of something I (yet again) did wrong or felt differently. I have fallen in love with him, which means a lot, as I was single by choice for over two years beforehand. But it's really starting to hurt to hear how "flawed" I am all the time. What should I do? -- Flawed, But In Love

Dear Flawed: There is something drastically wrong here and you need professional help to work through it. This guy is a critical jerk to you, and you think he's great. You even think you're in love with him. In love with exactly what? His good looks? That's infatuation. It couldn't be his fault-finding. Look, 19 out of 20 women would tell him to take a hike. Why do you deserve lesser treatment? He tries to keep you at a distance by giving you different hurdles to jump in the form of behaviours to change. Run away before he totally destroys your self-confidence. He isn't "in love" with you, but he likes the convenience of having you around for companionship and sex, and the ego boost of your doting on him. Want to know where he's headed? One day down the road, if you're clever enough to leave this nasty dude, you'll meet him with a woman who totally dominates him (and he loves it) or a woman who he has turned into a shadow of who she once was.

Questions or comments? Please email lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition June 15, 2013 G4

Fact Check

Fact Check

Have you found an error, or know of something we’ve missed in one of our stories?
Please use the form below and let us know.

* Required
  • Please post the headline of the story or the title of the video with the error.

  • Please post exactly what was wrong with the story.

  • Please indicate your source for the correct information.

  • Yes

    No

  • This will only be used to contact you if we have a question about your submission, it will not be used to identify you or be published.

  • Cancel

Having problems with the form?

Contact Us Directly
  • Print

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

Have Your Say

New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscribers only. why?

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press Subscribers only. why?

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010.

letters

Make text: Larger | Smaller

LATEST VIDEO

The greening of Elphaba the Wicked Witch in Wicked

View more like this

Photo Store Gallery

  • A baby Red Panda in her area at the Zoo. International Red Panda Day is Saturday September 15th and the Assiniboine Park Zoo will be celebrating in a big way! The Zoo is home to three red pandas - Rufus, Rouge and their cub who was born on June 30 of this year. The female cub has yet to be named and the Assiniboine Park Zoo is asking the community to help. September 14, 2012  BORIS MINKEVICH / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS
  • MIKE.DEAL@FREEPRESS.MB.CA 100615 - Tuesday, June 15th, 2010 The Mane Attraction - Lions are back at the Assiniboine Park Zoo. Xerxes a 3-year-old male African Lion rests in the shade of a tree in his new enclosure at the old Giant Panda building.  MIKE DEAL / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS

View More Gallery Photos

Poll

What do you think of Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s comment that Tina Fontaine’s slaying was a crime, and not part of a larger sociological problem?

View Results

View Related Story

Ads by Google