DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: On occasion my girlfriend dresses as a man and goes out with her best friends. I stay home and watch TV because I just don't get it. She says she does it for fun, although some of her friends do it seriously. At least one of them tries to pass for a man in daily life, not just at a special party or a club. Other than that craziness, she's a strong, independent, beautiful woman who wears dresses and heels to work, with very short hair. What does this all mean? Last weekend, she "taped" (her chest), and now I am seriously alarmed. This is serious. I do love her. Am I spinning my wheels being with her? -- Confused by Her Man Thing, Winnipeg
Dear Confused: You have every right to ask her all of these questions, yet you're staying home, sticking your fingers in your ears and singing "lah-lah-lah!" Are you afraid that the female part of her you love is going to disappear one day so you'd better not rock the boat? Look, she is busy experimenting with this. Perhaps she is on the outside of the crowd and just going along, but you can bet she is very interested in the scene. At a time when she is not dressing to go out looking like a man, ask her to level with you on all aspects of this behaviour and ask about her future with you. It looks like it's time for you to say goodbye. You may be convenient and comforting, but you are a straight guy in a situation that's anything but.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm so upset I just screamed until I was hoarse and the caretaker came running to my apartment. I came home at noon to pick up something and found my boyfriend had picked up something. He brought her into my apartment with the key I just gave him three weeks ago. That key was a privilege and proof of my love and trust for him. He snuck this chick into my apartment I work to pay for -- my special private place -- and took her to my bed. I should have known a guy who lives free in his buddy's basement with two other guys is a loser. I wanted him to see what a real home was like. I thought one day we would get married. Why couldn't I see this coming? I was completely blindsided. What is wrong with me? -- In a Million Pieces, Downtown
Dear Pieces: There are degrees of cheating and this is one rung up from the lowest. (She could have been a friend or relative.) What you need to learn from this is that people need to earn your respect and earn their way into your heart and your home and your lifestyle. Instead, you decided to issue a guy with no "relationship credit rating" a key to your home. You did that before he had his own place, proved in many ways he deserved to have you as a girlfriend and was working hard at a job like you are. You say you "wanted him to see what a real home was like." That is a social work move, not a romantic love move. If you want to help people out of the hole they are in, do it as a job, not as a part of your love life.
Questions or comments? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6