Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Ask your mother, but do it gently

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a woman at my neighbourhood Safeway who shocked me. I kept looking at her, because she looked identical in every way to my older sister! I finally approached and her told her what I had noticed and she said she was adopted, but couldn't find her birth mother. We exchanged addresses and phone numbers and emails and I sent her a photo of my sister. Now what? My mother has never said anything about adopting out a child, and maybe she didn't -- but it sure looks like she could have! My mom is an older lady in her 80s now. Should I ask her? Perhaps this is a secret she wants kept, but maybe she'd like to talk and meet her if it is her "child." -- Sensitive Son, Winnipeg

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: It's important to meet life's challenges and not second guess other peoples' thoughts and feelings. Why not tell your mom you met a woman who is a double for your sister? Say you would never hold it against her, or think badly of her for it, but... did she ever give a baby up for adoption? She might say no, or she might say that a sister or cousin did. You'd be amazed what truths people are willing to talk about at the end part of their lives. So, take the chance and ask. It's a life drama and worth investigating, although the wording must be gentle. In your mother's day it was a great shame to get pregnant outside of marriage and not all adoptions were done through official channels. Lawyers sometimes arranged private ones. Other unmarried moms would sometimes just give a baby to someone else in the family to raise, often in another town or city. Perhaps this woman you met coincidently looks like you sister. In city life there are often a few people running around who look just like us.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In regards to the lady (Not A Hooker -- Osborne Village) who didn't want to accept the $300 from the guy she slept with because she fears being stigmatized as a prostitute, I have a possible solution. She should go back to the same place where she met the guy and if he shows up, she should approach him, show him the $300 and then set it on fire! Why? Well, first, it would prove to the guy that she doesn't sleep with men for money and doesn't want his money. Because if the woman did give the guy his money back, he may think, "Hey, that didn't cost me anything! I got a freebie!" By making him witness the money being destroyed, he will then painfully realize that he insulted her by leaving that money. -- Just My Two Cents Worth.

Dear Just My Two Cents Worth: The nightclub owner wouldn't be happy to see the money flaming up in his club, so that idea doesn't work. Frankly, it's not likely the guy did this to insult her, as he hardly knew her. That would be a very expensive insult indeed. For some reason, he got the impression she was a working girl and he was willing to pay. (She did take him home the first night from the club and have sex with him.) Maybe he thought he was being a generous guy and discreet enough not to ask her out loud about her fee. We will never know unless he sees this exchange and writes the column. Let's hope he does, and enlightens us.

 

Questions or comments? Please email lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 6, 2013 D6

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