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Bi-curious, bisexual not the same

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 3/5/2013 (1514 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: You may not be aware that bisexuals are one of the most stigmatized groups in the country today. While it's true that, just like straight and gay people, some of us choose to have open relationships, be swingers or be polyamorous... most of us are monogamous. The statistics on cheating in straight relationships and marriages are pretty grim, as you know. Judging from your other letters, around 50 per cent or higher. So to point fingers at bisexuals is ridiculous. Research has been available since 1985 showing that mixed-orientation marriages work, and that long-term, happy, monogamous relationships between bisexuals and either gay or straight people are possible. It has nothing to do with bisexuality. Your presumption that bisexuality is (sometimes) a phase has been disproven by research. As I always say, I've known I was bi since I was a teenager, and I'm 59 now -- that's a mighty long "phase"! Your assumption that the bi partner will go after "straight privilege" and leave the lesbian for a man is incorrect and biphobic. In that case, no bisexual would ever end up in a same-gender relationship, and lots of us do. We just fall in love; the gender does not matter. When you repeat negative untruths about a group of people, you are part of the problem -- Not Impressed, Winnipeg

Dear Not Impressed: While bisexuality is not a phase for most people, writers to the column tell me about being bi-curious and experimenting in their teens and 20s or later in their lives after the kids are gone or a marriage is over. Bi-curious is not the same as bisexual. although bisexuals often argue it is. For some people, it's a phase of exploration. And for many, personal sexual stance is not static over a lifetime -- it's a continuum and may change with time of life and experiences they've had, good or bad. Faced with a long stint in jail I wonder how many of us would remain for 10 years without a love/sex relationship. If a person is emotionally and physically able to go one way or the other and be happy forever, that person could remain faithful to one person, no matter what their sexual preference. But, many people who write to this column say they have a desire to have sex with a partner of the opposite orientation to their partner.You wish to highlight people like you who can choose one sex out of love and passion for that individual. That's great, especially if a yen for another kind of sex totally dissipates. That's a lucky, stable situation.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Read more by Maureen Scurfield.

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