Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Cheating ex-boyfriend not worth the heartache

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Last night I copied off all the love-letter emails from my cheating boyfriend and burned them in a barrel. I burned all the lingerie he gave me, too. But today, I feel just as lousy. Nothing helps! He left me for some fat chick from Brandon and now he runs there every weekend to see her and her bratty kids. I sit alone in the city alone and mourn the loss of our seven-year relationship, and the fact that he never gave me a ring or wanted kids with me. Now he's discovered "how wonderful it is to have kids who call me Dad" and he's already given HER diamond earrings. Gag me with a spoon. Last night his so-called best friend came over and we had a nice time playing Scrabble and drinking beer. Then he told me he always really liked me and he made a move, and I told him to get lost, because I wasn't over his friend yet, and kicked him out. That's when I burned all the stuff in a barrel outside. But it didn't work. Please help me. -- Can't Get Over Losing Him, Westwood

Dear Can't: Healthy love involves admiration. What part of this cheater do you still admire? It can't be anything more than a facial feature or a body part. So, let's play a silly game that illustrates a point. What if Johnny Depp came around the corner and asked you to abandon the burning barrel, get changed, and go out to dinner with him? How fast could you get ready to join him in the limo? The Scrabble guy was made of the same sneaky material as his buddy. No wonder you didn't want him! Don't make that rejection the measure of how much you still miss your ex. Johnny Depp happens to be free, funny, handsome and wealthy. You see, you just need a viable replacement to get over this heartache, and your ex's horndog buddy doesn't fill the bill.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I need to know what it takes to make it last, keep a spark and maintain lasting love for those who have been married for over 20 or 30 years. I am 24 and my guy's 28 and yes, we have our whole lives ahead. He's not necessarily scared of commitment but admits that he doesn't know what it takes to make it last forever. Its a hard question for me to answer, because I haven't lived my whole life. His parents are nothing to really look up to. He is also an atheist. He wants kids one day and knows how important it is for kids to be raised with both parents together. So if anyone (especially men) can reply with experience on this topic, I would more then appreciate it! He wants to be 50 and happy with all aspects of his life; he hasn't come across someone who seems to be happy like that. -- Need Tips, Winnipeg

Dear Tips: It's interesting you're the one doing the writing and researching. Is this knowledge a condition for marrying you? Marriage-inspiring love often makes people feel a different kind of love -- a little crazier, and then much surer than any time before. It often happens at a time when the two people are ready to be married to someone. You simply can't guarantee him 20 to 30 years of happiness, nor can he guarantee you that much. There are lots of people out there with wonderful long-lasting marriages who still have that spark, so yes, let's ask them to write in and share their secrets for you and your sweetheart.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 3, 2013 C2

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