Columnist, spotted guy to take leap at stardom

When I say "we" I am referring, as you have probably already guessed, to myself and my frog.

If you want to be technical about it, I have not actually met my frog yet, but I know we are going to be an unbeatable team. We will share a magical bond, kind of like Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, except that one of us, as I believe I have already mentioned, will be a frog.

My frog and I will be taking a leap at stardom on Sunday Aug. 2 at 2 p.m. when we compete in the Canadian Frog Jumping Championships, part of the 40th annual Frog Follies Festival in St-Pierre-Jolys, a village about 30 kilometres south of Winnipeg that is home to an estimated 900 people and an unknown number of amphibians.

I do not wish to brag, but it is easily the most prestigious frog-jumping competition to be held in that part of the province on the August long weekend.

So I cannot begin to describe how excited I was (I assume my frog was equally excited) to be invited to compete in the National Frog Jumping VIP Event, which will bring together dozens of dignitaries, "outstanding local celebrities," and an equal number of area frogs.

Sadly, I have reached the age of 52 without spending a great deal of time touching frogs, so in an effort to get "under the skin" of this event, I decided to call the organizers in St.-Pierre-Jolys and ask insightful frog-related questions. I spoke with Rachelle Tessier, the village's CAO and organizer of the VIP event.

Me: "When do I get to meet my frog?"

Rachelle: "Right before you go on, so you'll meet your frog around 2 p.m."

Me: "Is it important for my frog and I to have a good working relationship?"

Rachelle: "It's very important. You can't give it steroids. You have to be good to your frog if you want it to jump."

Me: "I am going to need an extra special frog."

Rachelle: "It's a leopard."

Me: "???"

Rachelle: "It's a type of frog. They're the frogs around here. They're the ones with dots on them."

Me: "Dots are nice, but can they jump?"

Rachelle: "They're the best. Sometimes they're very small; sometimes they're big. It depends."

Me: "Do we have to share frogs?"

Rachelle: "No! You get your own frog."

Me: "Good! What exactly do my frog and I have to do?"

Rachelle: "They'll give you a frog in a pail with a bit of water. When they call you up on the platform, pull the frog out of the pail and hold it by the legs. You put it in the starting circle and, whenever you are ready, you let it go."

Me: "Is this a race, or what?"

Rachelle: "It's not a race; it's whoever jumps the farthest."

Me: "I'm not a very good jumper."

Rachelle: "Not you, the frogs."

Me: "Oh!"

Rachelle: "Somebody is there with a net and a tape measure and after the frog has jumped three times, they measure how far it jumped."

Me: "Sounds incredibly exciting."

Rachelle: "It is. It could jump sideways; it could jump ahead; it could jump backwards. You never know!"

Me: "I could really use a few tips here!"

Rachelle: "Well, you kind of blow on it."

Me: "I beg your pardon."

Rachelle: "You blow on your frog."

Me: "I'll bet that gets the frogs pretty excited."

Rachelle: "I guess it just tickles them. I don't know."

Me: "Anything else?"

Rachelle: "Some people slap their hands on the ground close to their frog to get them to move."

Me: "I can do that."

Rachelle: "Just don't squish the frog."

Me: "???"

Rachelle: "You can bring a towel if you want. Some people dry off their frogs' legs before they jump."

Me: "I don't have a towel that small. What about threatening my frog?"

Rachelle: "You can if you want, but don't be too loud."

Me: "I was thinking something like: 'Hey, that's a nice pair of legs you've got there; it would be a shame if somebody ATE them!!!' "

Rachelle: "I think that would be excellent."

Me (coughing): "Do you eat the frogs when it's all over?"

Rachelle: "No, no, no! You don't get to eat your frog. You have to give it back. They get to go home. We let them all go at the same time."

Me: "The VIPs?"

Rachelle: "No, the frogs."

Anyway, I will write a dramatic blow-by-blow account describing how my frog and I make out. We're still in training, but I think the other teams are going to be green with envy.

Not that we want to jump to any conclusions.

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 26, 2009 A2