Confront husband over photo he keeps of other woman

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I found a photo of a pretty woman hidden under the loose bottom of my husband's office drawer at home when I was snooping. It was a photograph and she had signed it "With all my love." It appeared to be from about 20 years ago by the look of her hair. There was also a slim envelope with a love note in it referring to the erotic times they'd had together. Miss L., we have been married for 30 years, so he had an affair. This woman looks vaguely familiar. I am as jealous as if it was going on right now. Maybe it is! I took the photo and the letter and I hid it in the basement. Within 24 hours, my husband asked me if I had taken anything from his desk. That's how long it took him to miss it. That means he looks at it every damn day. What should I do now? I handed him the picture and said, "Who is she and what does she mean to you?" All he said was, "She's from my past and it's over." Riiiight! -- Second Rate Wife, Winnipeg

Dear Second Rate: Start digging. Confront your husband and find out what went on with her and why he looks at her daily. It may seem at first like it'd be easier not to bring it up and crack open a big mess that could result in the end of your relationship. But, if you try to suppress this conversation and all your festering questions, it will eat you alive. So ask, even demand, to know who she is, what their relationship was like, why they parted, what he feels for her now, whether he is in contact with her on the computer, if they have seen each other and what is happening. It may be there is something wrong in his relationship with you, or not! It may be that he is simply dreaming about her. A relationship doesn't have to go bad before another person can become important to a spouse. Sometimes it just becomes too predictable and a fascination with someone else comes to the fore. Get your marriage into counselling if need be, and you may he able to work this out.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I want a baby more than anything else in the world and I am lesbian. My lesbian wife does not want children of any kind, as it turns out. She says she is through with nurturing dependants as she was forced to play mother to her six siblings while her mom and dad went to work every day. I understand her problem, but she doesn't understand mine. When I left my husband for her, I thought we could have a modern lesbian marriage with the kids and the whole bit. Now I am tempted to go back to my ex-husband (not a bad guy) so I can have my dream of a family back. I thought I loved her more than him, but now she is slamming the door on children, I am wondering if I even love her. How could she feel so cold toward sweet little kids? How could she deny me this? -- Freaking Right Out, West End

Dear Freaking: This isn't fair to your ex-husband although you say he wants you back. Would you not be missing womanly sensuality if you went back to him? You have already rejected him once. Perhaps the answer lies in a different woman as a mate. Perhaps you need a woman who wants or has children. Do a lot of soul-searching this season and get some professional help as jumping back and forth hurting two people who don't quite fit, is not going to solve the problem for you -- which is to form a happy marriage with babies in the picture.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 10, 2012 D4