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Confront showering husband about cooling ardour

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband thinks he has to jump up and shower the moment he has had sex with me. I feel like he thinks I'm dirty. I'm not. I am a woman who has just made love with her husband and wants cuddling. I feel abandoned when he leaves me like that and then I feel cold towards him and then it turns to a cool anger and I find ways to get even. Like, instead of making love to him the next day, I make him wait a week and make believable excuses. He's too stupid to get the correlation. This only started happening when he cooled off on me a bit. We have been married only two years. At first he would have loved and cuddled me for as long as I wanted. I know I am being a witch but I am so hurt. How do we change this? -- Not Dirty, Winnipeg

Dear Not Dirty: Hurt is the word you need to use when you talk to him about this. And changed is another word that has to come into the picture. Don't use angry or getting even. Appeal to the better side of him. It you and he can't work this out, now is the time to see a marriage counsellor, not later. And be sure your counsellor has a bias towards keeping couples together. When marriages cool off there is usually a reason besides time passing. Be brave enough to ask him what has cooled him towards you. When he is in high heat he can get past it but when the loving is over his basic feeling about you sets in.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ate something bad at a very expensive restaurant and ended up in the bathroom for 20 minutes half an hour after we finished the dinner with wine that cost $150. My new man was so annoyed he dropped me off and said, "Well that was the waste of money." I couldn't help that some food at the restaurant ripped my guts apart. I phoned the restaurant and they were very nice about it and gave me an invitation to come back and try them again. I didn't want to go back, but they said they'd give me a gift certificate. I have it and could give it to him. What should I say to him? -- Victim of Food Poisoning

Dear Victim: Goodbye might a good thing to say to this fellow. He may have paid a $150 bill but you suffered in the bathroom because of it. It was cruel to say what he said and dump you out of the car. He should have taken you inside the house and put you to bed and stayed awhile to make sure you were alright. He just didn't care that much. Some might say it was too early in the relationship for him to be so kind, but it would have been a good test of the relationship and his character. If you don't want the gift certificate, give it to someone with a cast iron stomach who would appreciate it.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I really enjoyed your responses to the people weighing in on the great toy debate. I think it's easy for adults to forget how exciting birthdays are when you're a child and how much fun it is to rip the wrapping paper off your gift. For us it never mattered if it was a really bouncy rubber ball or a Barbie, they were all played with. The best ones were the ones my parents would never have picked out for us because they were a little too expensive or because we already had a million Barbies to play with. When there were too many toys, my parents would pack our least favourites away in the basement and if we didn't miss them after a couple of months they would donate them to charity.

Maybe parents do feel like the things their children need most are diapers or an education fund, but remember the first time you unwrapped socks and how awful that was? Or worse, the first time you didn't get a present at all from an aunt or uncle? Let kids be kids, and not miniature adults. Let parents worry, grandparents spoil and children play. There's plenty of time for them to grow up and take on the worries of the world. -- Kids Need Play, Winnipeg

Dear Kids Need Play: Thanks for taking the time to write, and to everyone else who wrote. We got a good discussion going on that issue and everybody learned a lot, including me.

 

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave.,

Winnipeg, R2X 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 12, 2014 G4

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