DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Eight years ago I secretly got pregnant by a male friend because my husband couldn't do the job. I chose a guy with the same colouring as my husband. He has never known the difference. We have a wonderful kid. Now I feel a deep urge for a second and last child, but the first donor is not willing. He says he feels badly about not being a part of his child's life. Should I ask another friend who is a single-forever guy and has the same colouring I need? I feel a little cheap having two kids by two men, but my husband just can't get me pregnant. It's not his fault, really. We have never used birth control. I don't encourage him to get tested or he will wonder where his first son came from. -- Practical Gal, St. Vital
Dear Practical: You are an alternate force of nature, madame. You don't need anybody's blessing to do whatever it is you decide to do. For the record, it is more than a little cheap to go behind your husband's back to have babies, but when has that stopped you before?
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my job as a carpenter. My girlfriend, however, keeps nudging me to better myself. She thinks I should own a company rather than work for one, or go work with her dad in his business. That's never going to happen. She even had the nerve to say, "Then you wouldn't have to get your hands dirty."
I build beautiful things with these hands of mine -- things you can use and see. If she were smart, she'd enjoy who I am and I would build her castles, but she's from a university-educated, wealthy family and she doesn't get why I would "throw away" the science degree I got when I was younger and still thinking of a medical career.
Who does she think she is? She's a very attractive executive secretary to a big shot, but that doesn't make her a big shot herself. Don't get me wrong. I really like this woman in many ways, especially in the bedroom, so how do I make her understand and enjoy that I was born to build and create? -- King of the Carpenters, St. Boniface.
Dear King of the Carpenters: How do you change someone's value system? She clearly values power: she's the right-hand assistant to a powerful person. She also values university-educated, white-collar status. She may wonder why you didn't use that degree to become a doctor -- something she could understand and admire.
Think hard about what it'd be like to live with a woman who is constantly apologizing to her white-collar family and friends for your career choice. Think how much better your life will be if you choose a woman who loves what you do, brags to her friends and encourages you on the path you love. Frankly, your girlfriend sounds like a person who likes to change and mould a boyfriend, and you're not a man to be to moulded. Don't overvalue her prowess in the bedroom. Lots of women who would be better suited to you will be great in bed, too. Keep your eyes open.