Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A couple of months ago, I dropped by my ex-girlfriend's house to return something and noticed another car in her garage. I assumed she had a new man she was keeping secret. I didn't knock on the door because I wasn't ready to meet him.
Last week at a restaurant I recognized a couple, but couldn't place them. When I left, I saw the same car with its unique features that I saw in my ex-girlfriend's garage. I'm a car guy -- it was definitely the same car. It hit me then who the couple was in the restaurant. I had met them at dinner with my girlfriend a few years back. I thought the guy had a thing for my girl back then. I guess I was right.
I asked my ex-girlfriend what was going on. She told me it was none of my business any more and to butt out. She might be right, but I'm sure the guy's wife would think it's her business. It makes me sick to think the woman I loved and wanted to marry is sleeping with a married man and was probably cheating on me, too. Do I take that information and tell his wife? I don't want to cause her all the turmoil I'm going through. -- Devastated by Deceit, Winnipeg
Dear Devastated: Correction, sir -- you would love to cause everybody turmoil. Your major motivation is revenge on your ex and this guy, not kindness to this man's wife, so your whistle-blowing is likely to go badly.
Play the situation forward for a minute: You blow the whistle to the wife -- a woman you don't know -- and she is revolted by you, the interfering stranger, not to mention your ex-girlfriend and her wandering husband. Don't assume she wants to know. The wife may be half-aware, or fully aware, her husband gets around and might be trying to look the other way for the sake of her kids.
Now that your ex and this guy have been noticed by you, the husband will be ready for a confrontation. He will tell his wife you're a jealous maniac who is making things up because you got dumped. He'll probably say he is just friends with your ex, had dropped something off at her house, yada, yada.... That's not to say you absolutely shouldn't tell, but don't expect it to go well for you.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We have three children who sleep with us in a family bed. I thought this was cute and cosy when they were younger, but now they are three, five and seven years old. I want them out. The only sex life my husband and I have are when they are all out visiting grandma, or a quickie in the shower. We have no privacy in our bedroom, that's for sure.
My husband does not want them out. He loves the family bed, our quickies and the Saturday nights the kids enjoy at his mother's house. He says, "There's no need to be mean and kick everyone out." I want the privacy back, even to cuddle without competition. I am also attuned to every noise in the night the kids make, while my husband sleeps like a log. -- Privacy Deprived Mom, Tuxedo.
Dear Deprived: Your husband is not conscious when you're half-awake all night and unhappy about it. Plus, he's getting great sex on Saturday night and quickies during the week, which fit into his schedule nicely. He's satisfied!
To make him less satisfied, and uncomfortable enough to want a change, tell him you're too tired for those morning sex sessions under the shower head because of the wakeful nights with the kids in the bed. Tell him your sexual energy would no doubt return if the kids got into their own beds.