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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Don't even consider 'trial affair' route with ex

Posted: 08/27/2014 1:00 AM | Comments: 0

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm still in love with my first husband. There, I said it for the first time. Don't get me wrong. I'm happily married to a very nice man who rescued me from my first husband who was supposedly having an affair. I believed what other people told me. The "other woman" was younger and didn't deny it when I confronted her in tears.

I only found out the truth from her sister a few months ago. It has been driving me crazy me ever since! They had been working together and she had a crush on him and made up the story and told her best friend who told others, and it quickly got back to me. He and I had only been married a year.

Now I know this was a big lie, I just want to run to him and tell him I still love him. Yet, believe it or not, I do love my second husband. It's just not the same passionate love I had with my first husband. Right now, my ex is free and back in town, but that won't last long as he is the best single man this town has. What should I do? -- Stupid Fool, Rural Manitoba

Dear Fool: Apologize to your ex-husband, and have a talk with him about what happened. He deserves that much. Whether he'll want to speak to you beyond that is doubtful, since you're with another man, and he'll know this nice guy in your small town. While you're speaking truths, have another talk with the woman whose lies helped wreck that first marriage.

Then take a long, hard look at yourself. You didn't trust in your first husband and believed the lies of a woman with a crush. You broke your man's heart because you were insecure. You need to work on that aspect of yourself as a love partner to anybody -- the willingness to believe what people tell you, even gossip meant to hurt and destroy a relationship.

Once you have talked to your ex, you will know what you are going to do. Don't even consider going the trial affair route. You'll have to get yourself free for a reasonable time, as your new husband will be doubly devastated if you head right back to the first guy. Consider moving to a different town so you're not humiliating him to his face. Anything you do is going to be very difficult and painful for him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was eating lunch alone at a fast-food joint and tipped a staffer to bring a cute girl a drink on a tray and point out it was from me. She looked at me in surprise and I winked, and motioned for her to join me, but she just stared at me with her mouth open like a guppy. I went back to eating my lunch alone.

What went wrong? I'm a good-looking guy in my mid-20s and she was a cute girl in her 20s, no ring. What should I have done instead, dropped my phone number on her table? There was no other way to meet her I could think of. -- Frustrated by Women, St. Vital

Dear Frustrated: Picking up a woman in a burger joint is a challenge, but sometimes, you only have one opportunity to get a number. Luckily, you can ask somebody to check you out on Facebook these days.

You should have walked over and said, "I can't help but notice you, and I'm really attracted to your smile. This is my name and number. Please look me up on Facebook if you want to see who I am, and see if you'd like to add me to your friends list." At that point she might smile and talk, or she might tell you she has a boyfriend. If she's willing to chat you say, "May I sit down for a moment?" Tell her a little about yourself and ask a lot about her, and go from there. Good luck!

Please send your questions or

comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 27, 2014 C4

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