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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Dump clingy partner and start slowing down

Posted: 05/11/2014 1:00 AM | Comments: 0

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'll be 21 this year, and my boyfriend is 23. We've been dating for just over two months and I've just about had it with his constant need is to always be together, kissing and hugging. I'm not sure if it's my fault for being so independent and always needing my space, or if that certain attraction isn't there for the relationship to work?

He wakes me up every morning we are together, constantly in my face, telling me to get up. This goes on for about two hours until I lose my temper, get up angry and begin my day. He always has to hear "I love you" from me whenever he wants it. When we're not together, he has to be texting me or talking to me. I know the bad thing to do would be to ignore him.

I ask where his friends are or about hobbies he has, but he explains that he just wants to be with me all the time. What is this called? Is this the common needy guy everyone experiences? This is about the fourth man I have experienced this with and I'm beginning to think there is something wrong with me. My longest relationship was 31/2 months. I love him and we love spending time together and going out together, but I just can't give him all the attention he wants. -- Independent Woman, Winnipeg

Dear Independent: Needy people come on very warmly, without caution, jumping into the relationship and giving all their hearts. This sweetness is great for a young woman's ego, but it's a signal something is wrong. The needy person can't bear any de-escalation of the "I love yous," as he's a bundle of insecurity.

There's something about a needy guy that attracts you, and you've been jumping in way too fast. You're often waking up in the same bed with this guy, and you've only been dating two months. It's time for you to change into a wait-and-see woman, aware that people seem perfect in the first throes of almost any romance. That's just infatuation, which can last three to six months before things start maturing into real love, or just fizzle.

This boyfriend is definitely needy, and it's worrisome when you say it would be bad to ignore him. You need to say goodbye gently but firmly, and the sooner the better. Don't hesitate to involve your parents if he gets weird.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My female neighbour (about 28 or 29 years old) lives in the middle of three small houses and spies on me. She reports everything I do to the older woman whose house is on the other side of hers. Yesterday, she told her I stayed out all night and came home with another couple. This was absolutely true! I brought my brother and his girlfriend home from an all-night party, and they stayed overnight. They were drunk and couldn't drive home. This nosy neighbour made it sounds like I brought a couple home for a threesome. What should I do? -- Spitting Mad, Grant Park

Dear Spitting: Life is too short to let your neighbours upset you like this. Tell your neighbour who loves to report the gossip back to you (and see your alarmed face) you don't want any more reporting. Also say, "As my friend, please tell that gossip you won't listen to her anymore yourself." If she keeps reporting, she's not a good friend to keep.

If there's any more of this mean-girl nonsense, knock on the door of your spying neighbour and confront her. No matter how that goes, increase your natural privacy with a fence or hedges. Pyramidal cedars grow taller than any fence, and don't forget curtains are your best friend.

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 11, 2014 A12

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