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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Enjoy what you have

By: Miss Lonelyhearts

Posted: 08/30/2012 1:00 AM | Comments: 0

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I love my big watchdog although he is friendly to no one else and tries to chase people away from the house, particularly males, by barking his head off. I have had him in for training for the barking, but to be truthful, I like the feeling of being totally protected at home. I'm a bit of a hermit and I'm a single woman. But now, everything's changed. I have a man friend. I warned him about the dog, and he came over unafraid. He talked to my dog who came to him, looked at him and sat by his side. My jaw dropped open. Frankly, I am jealous and I feel embarrassed about that. The dog prefers this man to me on a day-to-day basis, and he doesn't bark at people much anymore. What is wrong with me? I feel like I'm my dog's mom and he has rejected me. -- Jealous About My Dog, Selkirk, Mb.

Dear Jealous: Your dog finally found a strong pack leader who would take care of business for him -- protecting his beloved mistress. Enjoy this wonderful development. The dog may respect and love your new man, but he loves you too, as one of the household (the pack). Unfortunately, you are just a little too weak on your own, and he always had to be on the watch and sounding the bark alarm: "Leave her alone!" The secret to happiness in the Eastern World is to love what you have. You HAVE something really good here; you just have recognize it and embrace it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts; My wife and I live in a blended family relationship. We each have adult children from previous relationships, and no children from our union. Even though we now have no children living with us, one of the most difficult issues in our relationship is the challenge of maintaining harmonious relations as step-parents. I seem quite comfortable towards her children with this concern; the converse is not, unfortunately, true. You often recommend counselling services for various issues but I have not seen a referral for blended family counselling per se. Would you be able to recommend a suitable counseling service in Winnipeg for "mature" blended relationships? There are many of us out here with this type of relationship and most are sincerely wishing to avoid being another loss statistic. -- Husband and Father, Winnipeg

Dear Dad; Some people wryly refer to blended families as "blender" families. It can be tough, often impossible, to get everyone to like each other, but you can achieve greater understanding forgiveness and softening between warring factions. Not every forced relationship "takes" after parental break-ups, especially if there is a suffering single parent sitting outside the mix discouraging the blending. What you are looking for is called "whole family" counselling. If you call a counselling group, ask for the people who work with groups. There are generally one or more strong psychologists/family counsellors who can act as referee and counsellor and they have a large room they can use to accommodate everybody at once. I remember a counselling colleague, who once came out of a "whole family" session where the two-year-old surprise attendee, got up on a chair and said loudly "I WANT MY FAMILY." That caused red faces all round and quickly brought things into perspective for the quarrelling group. It can be an advantage to have different ages and styles of speaking in the family group. I am sending you a short list of counselling groups that have people who regularly do this amazing work.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 30, 2012 C4

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