Eye on Olys: Captain Condom to the rescue

Safety is always a top priority at any Olympics. But fear not Vancouver visitors, because Captain Condom is here!

According to The Canadian Press, the safe sex superhero (their words, not ours) and several other caped crusaders will be at the Games to hand out "safety kits" that will include condoms, lubricants, lip balm, hand heaters and Glow Sticks. Don't ask us what condoms, hand heaters and Glow Sticks have in common.

Luciano Colonna, of SafeGames, said some 250,000 condoms will be distributed.

"People are going to drink more alcohol than they usually do," Colonna told CP. "I think that when you travel, you're on vacation, when you're spending the kind of money that people spend when they attend the Olympics these are all considerations."

Hence the call out to Methadone Man, Pink Storm, Epidemiology Guy and the Caped and Always-Protected Crusader.

The program, which has the blessing and $20,000 in funding from the City of Vancouver, is modelled after the Salt Lake City's Safe Games 2002, where volunteers provided support to those visiting Salt Lake City during that city's Winter Olympics.

In addition, a local sex shop is offering discounts and free gifts to athletes who may drop by, including a free "slip kit" to registered lugers.

"We think that lube and tight-fitting bodysuits just go together naturally," company spokeswoman Janna Sylvest said. "Both sex and sporting activities are excellent cardiovascular activities, and statistically I've read that sex is more often engaged in during the winter months, just like the luge."

Not for nothing, but isn't anything considered "performance enhancing" frowned on at the Olympics? We're just sayin'.

CITIUS, ALTIUS, FORTIUS

TURNS out, a lot of Canadians are getting pretty pumped that a homegrown Olympics is just around the corner.

Well, except for one notable exception: Vancouverites.

A recent poll revealed that B.C. residents consistently show less support for the Games than elsewhere in Canada, due to everything from funding cutbacks amidst Olympic spending to anticipated traffic jams.

It must be all the rain.

Regardless, it's not yet certain that the good citizens of B.C. have the same sort of, oh, spirited energy that might be found in other provinces willing to dole out hundreds of thousands of dollars for such mottos.

"We're not the headquarters of open-line radio for nothing," Vancouver Coun. Geoff Meggs told the Globe and Mail. "We love to debate. What's taken for abuse in other parts of the world is taken as banter here. We like to be cranky."

To that end, VANOC president John Furlong recently rallied the troops, around the same time traffic snarls began forming due to lane closures in anticipation of the extra Olympic transportation considerations.

"The one piece that will make these Games stand out from the crowd is how the community embraces the responsibility to build that warm, hospitable and wonderful atmosphere, so that the city is fun, livable, enjoyable and exciting to be in," Furlong said. "We are urging Vancouver to come out to add the last dimension and take (us) over the finish line."

Unlike other Olympics, at least Vancouver's venues were completed on or ahead of schedule and within a budget that has been severely cut due to a global recession.

"It's all coming together," Furlong said. "It shows how badly this country wants these Games to be a success, and we are going to make the people of Canada as proud of them as we possibly can.

"Even though some of us have been involved in preparing for this since the mid-1990s, we still really haven't done anything yet. The world starts to pay attention on Feb. 12 and it ends on Feb. 28. It's all about what happens between those two dates."

Even councillor Meggs has detected a shift in the usual "cranky" demeanour of the citizenry.

"Of course, people are fretting about the traffic, but the Olympics is completely different," he noted. "It's not some weekend celebration. It's a whole series of happenings that are part of a global event.

"I sense that the city is beginning to shift. Once people get into the groove, they're going to have a great time."

All this talk of tingling anticipation. Embracing the world. Showing the love. Getting in the groove.

Hmm. Sounds like a job for Captain Condom, eh?

randy.turner@freepress.mb.ca

BY THE NUMBERS

25, 22

The number of goals and assists, respectively accumulated so far this season by Tampa Bay Lightning sophomore Steven Stamkos, who may be the hottest Canadian player outside of Sidney Crosby in the NHL. Stamkos, of course, was a former World Junior star and first overall pick. Which begs the question: If Stamkos has a brilliant three weeks (between now and the Vancouver Games) would he be the first alternate on Steve Yzerman's list? Two words: Jarome Iginla, the last-minute addition to Team Canada in 2002, who went on to play a pivotal role in the gold medal run in Salt Lake.

OLY BITS AND PIECES

How do you know the Olympics are coming? The hookers have arrived! Yes, a report out of Vancouver this week noted that "thousands of prostitutes are expected to descend on the West Coast city" to cash in on the swelling numbers of fans, media and Olympic employees. Did you say "media"? Ahem. "Cha-ching!" exalted one local escort. "If you know how to work it, it could be huge. You're damn right." We're guessing the standard rates still apply. But the "biathlon" can get a little pricey... From the Dept. of Huh?: San Francisco 49ers tight end Vernon Davis has been named the honorary captain of the U.S. Olympic men's curling team. Davis has already made several public service announcements for the roaring game. The "captain" will be spending a few days at the Games, including a VIP experience at the Vancouver Curling Club. Said Davis to the New York Times: "I look forward to learning more and meeting those guys and finding out what their practice is like." Well, Vernon, football practice is a lot like curling practice, only "two-a-days" are the number of Tylenol you take after a night in the Patch.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition January 16, 2010 D3