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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
From the sound of things, he's not husband material
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was out with my fiancé, who is 28, when I bit down hard on a bone in a piece of meat and a large piece of molar broke off in my mouth. It really hurt and I needed to see a dentist fast. I said "Help me!" to my boyfriend and his response was to dial his ditzy older sister and ask her to come because he was too freaked out to even offer me any sympathy. I had the broken part of my tooth in my hand and he said "Ewww" like some little teenybopper. I called my dad and he was there in a jiffy, and had gotten on his phone and found an emergency dentist who would meet me at his office. My fiancé took off to the bar to get drunk with his friends! I was hurt and disgusted. What kind of father would he make to our babies one day? Is this enough provocation to break up? I am so disturbed by this. -- Barely Engaged Anymore, River Heights
Dear Barely: Naturally, your dad has more experience and contacts, but a different guy of 28 would have sympathized, taken charge and risen to the occasion. You got a sneak preview of the man you're lined up to marry -- and it may be a gift. If you didn't have a diamond on your finger, would you have dumped this guy that night? No matter how many deposits you have paid on the wedding hall, flowers and musicians, consider what has happened and what it means, so you're not looking back in a lawyer's office one day, saying "I knew right then." Your marriage "deal" is for this man to play the role of husband, lover, best friend, protector and father to your children. Those last two roles require strength and maturity, which he does not have. Is this something that will take care of itself with a few years of living, or is this just him? When an emergency happens, will he always collapse? You might want to postpone, or reconsider the marriage now.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just got back from a holiday in Europe and my new wife (I was married twice before) is cold and distant from me. Something happened in Paris. There was a woman there in our little hotel who was my physical fantasy woman -- tall, slim and Nordic with a joyful laugh. I'd stare at her, unable to stop myself. Finally I talked to her, and she was delightful. My wife came down late for breakfast and felt the vibes. She said I looked "gaga" over her and it was totally embarrassing for her. I exchanged email addresses with my fantasy woman, and I have already contacted her -- I just couldn't help myself. I want to meet with her. What now? -- Helplessly Captivated By Her, Winnipeg
Dear Captivated: You weren't "helpless" before this woman's beauty; you made a choice to indulge your attraction and move it ahead over breakfast without your wife around. Why do you bother getting married when your head is on a swivel? And how could you carry on with this stunner at the small hotel in front of the guests? It's normal as a married person to see someone physically attractive and think, "Wow, if I weren't already married..." and then leave it alone. But marriage isn't a big, unbreakable deal to you -- and you're hot on the trail again. Your wife is pulling away -- and she should. Set her free, as you have already moved on, and things are only going to get worse for her.
Please email problems for Miss Lonelyhearts to lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters to 1355 Mountain Ave. R2X 3B6.
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 9, 2012 D4
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