Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Posted: 04/11/2013 1:00 AM | Comments: 0
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ignorant husband checks out the booty of every good-looking woman he sees when we are out at Safeway, our only social outings together. He does this because he hates leaving his couch in the locked study with his TV, games and porn, and he knows how much this hurts and upsets me. After a trip to the mall, I will leave him alone for the next week or so. I realize he has manipulated me into being a "single" mother under his roof, but what can I do? The problem is I need him. We have five kids together and he brings home good money. He also loves the kids and is quite willing to take them to their sports. He just doesn't want to go out with me anywhere. OK, I will admit I gained about 15 to 20 pounds with each kid and weigh upwards of 250 pounds and I'm not that tall. But it can't be that. I wasn't skinny when I met him. Do you think he's ashamed of me? -- Defeated Wife and Mother, Winnipeg
Dear Defeated: The only person you can change is you, so let's start with your side of the marriage problems -- you feel loneliness, isolation, disrespect, and loss of romance with your husband. Plus, you're 100 pounds overweight and in line for an early heart attack. The weight is one of two big things you can control right now, so do it for your kids -- they need their mom. Make a reasonable 150 your goal and don't go it alone. Consider a program like Weight Watchers with its sensible eating programs and sympathetic supporting groups. Secondly, stop asking your husband to go to anywhere with you. Get groceries delivered to your door, and eliminate the rubbernecking punishment he metes out. Just sit back and enjoy the money he brings in for you and the kids, and consciously expand your friendships to include buddies for walking, seeing movies and shopping. Your friends don't all have to be women. (I'm not suggesting you cheat.) Your husband will notice after seeing six weeks of steady weight loss and your new social independence that his power is gone, and his wife is drifting. He will complain, but don't change back. When he sees you continue, he will become worried. That's when you finally have the upper hand and the leverage to get him into marriage counselling and perhaps help for his screens addiction.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a man down at the lake. He lives there year round. We only get to see each other a little bit during the winter when he comes in for business meetings. This has been a long, cold winter. It broke the back of my lousy marriage last week. My husband has moved out. The problem is the guy at the lake is married. Will I lose him, now I am free to be with him and he feels pressure? -- Worried Sick About This, Winnipeg
Dear Worried: If two married people are cheating together, it generally works better than one married and one single person. In this case, you as the newly separated person, may get a lot of trouble from your ex, or unexpected promises to make big changes. Your married lover at the lake may have felt comfortable having his wife as friend/co-parent and you as the clandestine lover. Do you really want him to leave his wife? If so, you might as well ask now if he has any intentions of doing that. Before you do that, think about what you'll do if he says "Yes, I'll leave her." You may be surprised at your own reaction.
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition April 11, 2013 C2
Have you found an error, or know of something we’ve missed in one of our stories? Please use the form below and let us know.
Having problems with the form?Contact Us Directly
Reason for wanting to see ex just creepy
Learning SimCity's lessons
Let's get to know each other a little bit better
Selinger's foes suck and blow
Your weekend weather
Farm boys and they love it
Final showdown should be bloody good
Trending that caught Doug's eye... heroic animals
Oscar has a woman problem
Daring sexcapades too risky, could ruin reputation
Put your palate to the test
Bounce back after a layoff
Never fear: Coward fare is frothy theatrical fun
Yeah, well, tell us something we don't know
Jones makes it look easy
Mid-term report card
What's in a name? Plenty of mistakes, says Speers, er, Speirs
Insurance policy can be sold to corporation
Manitoba Senate seats sit empty
Tell lover hard truth about unsatisfying weekend
Glimpse of a great motivator
Substance over style
Swede and sour
Friend got a big ego boost telling you about his dates
What would Hillary do?
Outdoor game wasn't a fit
Waiter! Where's my popcorn?
Romantic trip goes off the rails after his admission of marriage
Poking the Patriots inspires them
Heavy promises, light delivery from former Kid in the Hall
Pickled performances a put off for partner
Hockey world taking notice
Ashton in scrap over leadership-vote rules
Tending to robotic baby not exactly child's play
From why Winterpeg to why not?
Lewd statement opening salvo in flirtation game
You can find love being a nice person