Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Get help to lose weight, stop asking husband out

  • Print

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ignorant husband checks out the booty of every good-looking woman he sees when we are out at Safeway, our only social outings together. He does this because he hates leaving his couch in the locked study with his TV, games and porn, and he knows how much this hurts and upsets me. After a trip to the mall, I will leave him alone for the next week or so. I realize he has manipulated me into being a "single" mother under his roof, but what can I do? The problem is I need him. We have five kids together and he brings home good money. He also loves the kids and is quite willing to take them to their sports. He just doesn't want to go out with me anywhere. OK, I will admit I gained about 15 to 20 pounds with each kid and weigh upwards of 250 pounds and I'm not that tall. But it can't be that. I wasn't skinny when I met him. Do you think he's ashamed of me? -- Defeated Wife and Mother, Winnipeg

Dear Defeated: The only person you can change is you, so let's start with your side of the marriage problems -- you feel loneliness, isolation, disrespect, and loss of romance with your husband. Plus, you're 100 pounds overweight and in line for an early heart attack. The weight is one of two big things you can control right now, so do it for your kids -- they need their mom. Make a reasonable 150 your goal and don't go it alone. Consider a program like Weight Watchers with its sensible eating programs and sympathetic supporting groups. Secondly, stop asking your husband to go to anywhere with you. Get groceries delivered to your door, and eliminate the rubbernecking punishment he metes out. Just sit back and enjoy the money he brings in for you and the kids, and consciously expand your friendships to include buddies for walking, seeing movies and shopping. Your friends don't all have to be women. (I'm not suggesting you cheat.) Your husband will notice after seeing six weeks of steady weight loss and your new social independence that his power is gone, and his wife is drifting. He will complain, but don't change back. When he sees you continue, he will become worried. That's when you finally have the upper hand and the leverage to get him into marriage counselling and perhaps help for his screens addiction.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a man down at the lake. He lives there year round. We only get to see each other a little bit during the winter when he comes in for business meetings. This has been a long, cold winter. It broke the back of my lousy marriage last week. My husband has moved out. The problem is the guy at the lake is married. Will I lose him, now I am free to be with him and he feels pressure? -- Worried Sick About This, Winnipeg

Dear Worried: If two married people are cheating together, it generally works better than one married and one single person. In this case, you as the newly separated person, may get a lot of trouble from your ex, or unexpected promises to make big changes. Your married lover at the lake may have felt comfortable having his wife as friend/co-parent and you as the clandestine lover. Do you really want him to leave his wife? If so, you might as well ask now if he has any intentions of doing that. Before you do that, think about what you'll do if he says "Yes, I'll leave her." You may be surprised at your own reaction.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition April 11, 2013 C2

Fact Check

Fact Check

Have you found an error, or know of something we’ve missed in one of our stories?
Please use the form below and let us know.

* Required
  • Please post the headline of the story or the title of the video with the error.

  • Please post exactly what was wrong with the story.

  • Please indicate your source for the correct information.

  • Yes

    No

  • This will only be used to contact you if we have a question about your submission, it will not be used to identify you or be published.

  • Cancel

Having problems with the form?

Contact Us Directly
  • Print

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

Have Your Say

New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscribers only. why?

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press Subscribers only. why?

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010.

letters

Make text: Larger | Smaller

Photo Store Gallery

  • Young goslings jostle for position to take a drink from a puddle in Brookside Cemetery Thursday morning- Day 23– June 14, 2012   (JOE BRYKSA / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS)
  • Marc Gallant/Winnipeg Free Press. Gardening Column- Assiniboine Park English Garden. July 19, 2002.

View More Gallery Photos

Poll

Do you agree with the suspensions levied against three bantam hockey players for abusing game officials?

View Results

Ads by Google