Get out, make some new friends and move ahead with your life

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My lifelong friend and I had a falling out. We're both girls in our mid-20s. Through the years, I've been the best, most supportive and reliable friend this girl ever had. She was bisexual, now admits to being a lesbian, and has found some lesbians to date. I was happy for her! She was my only close friend, but now I get the impression she has a new circle of friends, and I don't fit in. It's pathetic how she'd been treating me before the fight. She told me she'd hang out with me on a Friday, but when I told her I was on my way, she said she wasn't at home. We played phone tag until 11 p.m. I showed up at her apartment upset and told her I want things I'd lent to her back. To her surprise, I said, "No, I can't stay and drink, it has gotten too late to hang out." Angrily, she said she wouldn't have left her other friends, had she known I didn't want to hang out. "And thanks a lot, I should have known you would do this to me, you're a real unreliable friend." What a low blow! There must be genuine women out there who'd be happy to have me as a friend. I'm sick of feeling lonely for a female social life with real and genuine girlfriends. -- Old Friend, Winnipeg

Dear Old Friend: The only reason you're obsessing over this friendship, which is way past its due date, is you don't have other girlfriends, or a boyfriend. My wise Aunt Isobel lived to 100 -- and she taught me something invaluable: You must consciously keep on making friends every year of your life. Take on new people, be friendly, get to know then, invite them to your house for dinner and out for activities. So dub Spring 2012 your first of many friend-making campaigns. Join a sport like Ultimate Frisbee, full of people your age of both sexes and very social. Call Habitat for Humanity and see if you can get involved. Invite people from work or your classes to go for a coffee or a bite to eat after class. Have a dinner party at your house. Call your cousins, brothers and sisters for Sunday dinners. Join artsy classes or a running club, learn to kayak, windsurf -- just get out there and keep adding new friends. Then have a party and introduce everybody to each other, and do everyone a favour.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a young guy when I was out drinking one night, took him home and "had my way with him." Now I can't get rid of him. He's in love, or so he tells me. He says it was "love at first sight." I just laugh at him. He phones me every day, and we talk for hours. I don't have anybody right now, so I chat, but I never accept his offers to go out. What would you do to get rid of him? I can't find the words. -- Too Kind For My Own Good, St. James

Dear Too Kind: You call this kindness? I call it using the guy. You know he's head-over-heels, and he's accepted the friend role because he's hoping for a promotion. I'd have told him the first week that calling was a waste of his valuable time; that I wasn't in love, and he should find someone who feels the same way back. Try being honest, and ask him gently to stop calling. If he persists, tell him firmly you will block him and do that. As for the behaviour that brought on this problem, it's time for you to look for someone you honestly like, instead of a one-night stand after an evening of drinking.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 1, 2012 D3