DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I miss wild, animal sex with my ex-husband, even though my new boyfriend is technically good at getting the deed done. My husband and I had a lion-and-tiger reaction to each other, and he could never get enough. Unfortunately, I had to go to work eight hours a day to pay for everything so he used those eight hours to sneak all over town making up the so-called sex deficit. I just don't know how to get this jungle feeling happening with my boyfriend. He's a great guy, but he's just not the animal type. Can I change him? -- Tiger Needs a Growler, St. Vital
Dear Tiger: Give him a chance! Introduce him to your kind of wild sex. If he freaks out and runs away with his tail between his legs, you need to find a new guy who is naturally animalistic. Nice guys who are bad boys in the sack are more plentiful than you think, so don't feel you have to give up on finding a guy who will be kind, a wage-earner and faithful while still being what you want, when you kick the bedroom door shut and turn on the jungle music.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Is it normal to feel this way? Lately, I've started to feel really vulnerable. I'm currently dating the most amazing woman I can imagine being with. I used to see her around all the time, but never had the courage to talk to her. When we finally did start talking a few months ago, we hit it off right away. Ever since, we've been in a relationship, and its started to get really intense. I think I realize now that it was love at first sight. I know she feels the same way because we talk about it all the time. -- Feeling Vulnerable, Winnipeg
Dear Vulnerable: What you're feeling is perfectly normal. It's like suddenly having someone put a million dollars in one's hand. The first reaction is jubilation, and the second is fear! "Now that I have it, what if I lose it or someone steals it?" The best approach to this is to keep calm and carry on. There's no sense expressing insecurities to your lady. That will not make her feel better or love you more. Just know that everybody feels the way you do -- even couples who have just had a baby are terrified it might suddenly die. But, they can't afford to falter, or shut down. Inspire confidence in your girlfriend and yourself by faking it bravely, and blasting through to the next stage -- confidence in your love. You may want to "put a ring on it" sometime, as it will make you both feel more secure, but don't rush it, as you are barely through the "chocolate mousse" stage when everything seems sweet and perfect.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is my advice to the lady who wants to marry the guy with creepy pets. DUMP HIM! AND DUMP HIM NOW! What kind of sick freak likes having snakes, rats and spiders as pets? I've met a few weirdos like that and they all have had a screw loose, and I believed that even before I knew they had such disgusting types of pets. They have some kind of deep-rooted personality disorder. He obviously won't give up his so-called "pets" and she obviously feels uncomfortable living amongst vermin, as most sane people would. So, this is an awful mix, right from the start. She should not walk, but RUN away as fast as she can from this wingnut. -- Just My Two Cents Worth, Transcona
Dear Two Cents: Not every human who likes exotic pets is weird, but they are best matched to each other in a relationship. It's hard for a cuddly dog lover to understand a tickly tarantula lover.
Questions or comments? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6